Boss's ex wife

[ThisPinkEagle]

I work for a small company (there's about 25 of us). My boss (45) left his wife over Xmas after having an affair. This new woman he is with has the same name as me (I am 35). I am also married.

I man the main phone line in my role at the office and when I pick up I say hello you're through to 'Jenny' at....how can I help? Two weeks ago I got a call on the office line with a private number. Picked up and was met with 'are you the prostitute' then the phone hung up. Another call shortly after asking for my boss, I asked who it was an was met with a woman screaming down the phone that she was his wife and I am a slag, she ended the call again. This continued to the point she was getting her young kids to call the office line asking for daddy and then yelling down the phone saying 'girls you're speaking to daddy's new girlfriend who he left us for'.

Alot of people call us back from private numbers if they have had a missed call from us to find out who we are so ignoring them is not an option as we will miss work calls so we have now had to get another guy in the office to do the initial call answering before they can be passed to me.

My boss (who owns the company) is telling us to just leave it and it'll eventually blow over but I have had to get my own husband into the office for my boss to explain his life story to him in case she tries to contact me over social media and my husband suddenly thinks I am sleeping with my boss. The other guy in the office is getting increasingly pissed off he has to stop his quite frankly already very busy job to answer the phone in case I get screamed at. My boss is my HR....he's apparently called the police but she's not stopping and they've said there isn't much they can do.

Myself and my colleague are now at the point of frustration and we have no idea what to do. It is now affecting our jobs and office atmosphere which before now was absolutely lovely. It's only me and him in the office (the rest are guys out on the tools) and he is not always here and I lock up on my own three nights a week whilst he does the school run and I am terrified she might turn up one night if it continues to escalate.

I have explained to her in the calls, I am not the woman but she just isn't having it. I have also logged it with the police myself.

I lock up on my own three nights a week whilst he does the school run and I am terrified she might turn up one night if it continues to escalate.

Have you thought of reporting to the police yourself? She is harassing you, and if you feel at risk then it is a police matter.

Yes, report her to the police yourself. Doesn’t matter what’s happened to her, she can’t act like this, there’s no excuse.

Edit - just seen you have logged it with the police - are they not following this up?

I have but she has not contacted me from a number or in person so atm apparently there's not alot anyone can do.

Why didn't your boss just tell his ex-wife that the new woman he is seeing isn't you?

He has. She only knows the name apparently and is now convinced it is me!

I think this is for your boss to solve by getting a solicitor to write her a letter telling her not to contact the office or you personally. Of course he doesn’t want to, it will sour relations further and cost him money.

But this happening to you because you work there so why should you pay?!

Do you share the whole same name with the other woman - first and surname? Or just first name?

Just first name- apparently he's only ever at the office or on a job so it must be me in her mind as he wouldn't have had the time to meet anyone else.

Best bit is he won't tell the ex the other womans full name or post any pictures with her so as not to cause her any issues- but with me that's fine

She sounds insane yes keep on reporting to police there is no excuse for her behaviour at all, she is an adult and responsible for how she is acting and no there is no justification for it

Your boss is chucking you under a bus to protect his mistress.
Talk to acas and see what they advise.

I'd take her next call and give her the full name of the other woman. I'd also tell the boss (who sounds like an absolute prick) that you are no longer going to be locking up alone and that he will have to do it.

The wife should not be calling the workplace the wife is to blame and it needs to stop

Agreed but it is the boss’s duty to protect his employee. He isn’t doing this.

Your boss really needs to sort this out with his solicitor, or alternatively agree to pay for a solicitor for you to send a formal pre-action letter warning that if she does not leave you alone you will have to get an injunction to prevent further harassment.

I know you shouldn’t have to but is any job worth it? Is a move to a new job an option. I’d be concerned re viability of business if he’s been with ow not working. If it’s jointly owed with wife he may need to sell in divorce (is she a director)
Report every incident to police.
I’d say you aren’t locking up on own for safety. Leave when he does.
I’d be clear to him you it’s his mess and you shouldn’t be being harassed at work.

Could you start answer the phone 'Hi Sarah speaking how can I help you?' Could that potentially help?

Speak to someone at ACAS and see where you stand with regards to your rights. As it is your employers wife he should be seen to be doing something about it. This could escalate - she's obviously very hurt and not taking it well, and you know the phrase a woman scorned and all that.

I would at least be asking him to install CCTV inside and outside of the works building and getting you a personal alarm.

Have you been making a note of all the calls and what is said. I know they are coming through as a private number but I would still be logging, she may be withholdingher number, but she is making those calls from somewhere and there will be records somewhere.

Clearly, and obviously.

I'd be taking @Mudflaps approach and take her next call and give her the full name of the other woman. I too would also tell the boss (who is an absolute prick) that you are no longer going to be locking up alone and that he will have to do it, and make sure to leave the office before he does, whatever the time. He'll soon have face the problem head-on.

One of the simplest solutions while you are sorting out this mess (and your boss should be leading on that with his HR hat rather than being the causer of the issues) is you stop using your name.

"Company name" can I help you?

Or does she scream at anyone who answers?

Your boss I agree should be taking action, perhaps via a solicitor as suggested. He owes a duty of care towards all of you at work.

That is also true.
But the op has rights under employment law that she should also pursue. Her boss has a duty to protect his employees.

Your boss is weak. I can’t believe he’s said ‘just leave it and it'll eventually blow over’.

It won’t blow over (she’s emotionally damaged) and HE needs to get a pair of balls, man up and deal with this.

I’d suggest HE pays for a solicitor letter asking for it to stop with immediate affect.

Make sure you make a log of every single call & what she says. Get a crime number from the police & report it every single time.

I wasn’t the OW (my now DH had been divorced for many years by the time I met him). His EW was extremely abusive and one day turned up on my doorstep screaming abuse (they had been divorced for over 8 years at this point). She had to be removed by the police & was issued a warning. If she does it again she’ll be arrested & charged.

She’s harassing you and it needs to stop. She’s also alienating the children if she’s getting them involved. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Get a sollicitor to write her a letter, pay, get an invoice and claim it in expenses.
job done.
and yes report to the police if she does it again

Firstly document it all in email to your boss.

01/03@ 10am - called a slag
02/03 @ 2pm - called a prostitute etc.

Tell him it's for his benefit (really it's your record for you if there's any impact on your job).

Secondly, start using the line "I am terminating the call now due to abuse" and put down the phone

Thirdly, tell him if it doesn't stop you are going to police and do so.