Boss's ex wife

[ThisPinkEagle]

I work for a small company (there's about 25 of us). My boss (45) left his wife over Xmas after having an affair. This new woman he is with has the same name as me (I am 35). I am also married.

I man the main phone line in my role at the office and when I pick up I say hello you're through to 'Jenny' at....how can I help? Two weeks ago I got a call on the office line with a private number. Picked up and was met with 'are you the prostitute' then the phone hung up. Another call shortly after asking for my boss, I asked who it was an was met with a woman screaming down the phone that she was his wife and I am a slag, she ended the call again. This continued to the point she was getting her young kids to call the office line asking for daddy and then yelling down the phone saying 'girls you're speaking to daddy's new girlfriend who he left us for'.

Alot of people call us back from private numbers if they have had a missed call from us to find out who we are so ignoring them is not an option as we will miss work calls so we have now had to get another guy in the office to do the initial call answering before they can be passed to me.

My boss (who owns the company) is telling us to just leave it and it'll eventually blow over but I have had to get my own husband into the office for my boss to explain his life story to him in case she tries to contact me over social media and my husband suddenly thinks I am sleeping with my boss. The other guy in the office is getting increasingly pissed off he has to stop his quite frankly already very busy job to answer the phone in case I get screamed at. My boss is my HR....he's apparently called the police but she's not stopping and they've said there isn't much they can do.

Myself and my colleague are now at the point of frustration and we have no idea what to do. It is now affecting our jobs and office atmosphere which before now was absolutely lovely. It's only me and him in the office (the rest are guys out on the tools) and he is not always here and I lock up on my own three nights a week whilst he does the school run and I am terrified she might turn up one night if it continues to escalate.

I have explained to her in the calls, I am not the woman but she just isn't having it. I have also logged it with the police myself.

Just use a different name, that’s the most sensible thing to do.

And I quote: I have also logged it with the police myself.

Ask your boss to explain to his ex-wife and his children that it is not you. She must realise that there are more than two people in the country with the same name.

If she continues, call the police yourself.

I think it will die down but it is horrible for you to be on the receipt of her venom, much as I (and I expect, you), sympathise with her.

Boss needs to sort someone else (him) to lock up 3 days a week because you no longer feel safe due to his actions.
Boss also needs to address the issue with the ExW

Is your Boss the company owner or is there someone you can escalate it to?
Because I'd escalate it immediately irrespective of the fall out for your Boss, who is happy to throw you under the bus & let you take all the shit from ExW.

I have had to get my own husband into the office for my boss to explain his life story to him in case she tries to contact me over social media and my husband suddenly thinks I am sleeping with my boss.

See this would worry me more than the phone calls because one day they'll stop, but you'll still be left with a husband who doesn't believe what you tell him.

Is there any reason why he'd accept your bosses word over yours - his wife?

I'd ex0ect your boss to put in a phone system that records the calls.

I'd be amazed if there was any commercial phone system that didn't record calls. All the ones I've setup have had it as standard.

My biggest issue is your husband, he must trust you very little if after all this he’s thinking you’re sleeping with your boss.

@ThisPinkEagle What a nightmare OP, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Here's some advice from the Citizens Advice website OP on civil legal action you could take (given the police aren't being proactive):

Taking someone to court for harassment
You can take someone to civil court if:

• they’ve harassed you more than once - this includes stalking
• the harassment made you feel distressed or alarmed

The court can order the person harassing you to stay away from you - this is called getting an ‘injunction’. The court can also award you compensation. If the person keeps harassing you after you get an injunction, they’ve broken the law - this means they could go to prison. You can go to civil court even if:

• you haven’t reported it to the police
• you reported it to the police, but the the CPS decided not to prosecute the person who harassed you
• the CPS prosecuted the person who harassed you and the court decided they weren’t guilty

In the first instance, you could ask a solicitor to write a "cease and desist" letter to your boss's wife explaining the consequences of her actions if she doesn't stop harassing you.

Your employer is risking a law suit by not protecting you or at least trying to act against the actions of this malicious caller.

Take the affair, the name being the same etc out of the equation, hard as it may be, and the office manager is recieving malicious calls which are blocking the phone lines that clients need to reach you on.
You are deeply disturbed and personally being harassed while trying to man the phones and be the face of the company.

It's both a business concern and a potential criminal one. Making malicious communication is a crime.
If your boss won't act then frankly you can sue him. But definitely tell him you're involving the police if he is unwilling to.
And speak to Acas.

This is a workplace and they have a responsibility to keep you safe from harm and harassment.

Ask for a raise.

Rather than deal with the police, who haven’t managed to fix this, or the boss who doesn’t care, I’d try to get a message to this woman (the boss’s ex). The source of her anger is understandable, although her actions have clearly gone way too far. If she was to come to the realisation that you are not the right Jenny, then she presumably would stop harassing you. Even if the police try to stop her, she’ll carry on at you via other channels or people.

do you know an address you could write to her at? Or her social media? You could use a throwaway email account to contact her. Answer her questions and ask her how she wants you to demonstrate that it isn’t you. And acknowledge that it must be horrific to be cheated on and suffer a family breakup. But that you are a random employee with the same name who has nothing to do with it all.

This! It's not good enough for him to just say it will blow over. He has a duty of care to you as his employee.

Harassment all day long. Police should do something - they know who it is so lets have a visit from them please and give her a bollocking.

The boss is also out of order. He should be doing something - "it'll blow over" is not an acceptable answer. I would be having a word with HIS boss about it. Youre going to have to go over his head because this is getting ridiculous.

Agree that you need to escalate this to Police.

At the end of the day, your boss isn't carrying out his duty of care to you. He's prioritising his own wants and needs.

You ARE being harassed and it IS affecting your day to day life if you are being abused at work and you're making changes to your routine due to fears of escalation.

Drop your boss an email and let him know that you have taken legal advice and will be reporting his ex wife to the Police ASAP. If he isn't capable of telling her to back off, they are.

All this grief on you because your boss can't keep his dick in is pants and the ex wife is too thick to realise more than one person is called Jennifer!!

I would start with HR if you have one
This is absolutely horrendous - you are exposed to harassment by the actions of your boss, and he is not tackling the situation, or getting appropriate help to prevent your harassment in the workplace. None of this is your problem to deal with and its no part of your job description to be a punchbag absorbing abuse for your bosses mistake and you are not paid enough to be a dumping ground for his wifes emotional issues. It should not be bleeding into your personal life, social media or relationship with your husband.
No more informal ' husband to boss' chats and dont even think about contacting the bosses wife or trying to sort things out yourself. This is for your boss and HR to manage - and you are within your rights to formally complain and escalate this situation with management.

I would also contact your union and any professional association you are a member of to see if they can give advice and backup, and would insist on some sort of risk assessment being done for your safety. Another useful place to ask for help might be an organisation like Paladin or contact the National Stalking Helpline. I would also contact the police for their advice and give evidence of the stalking and harassing behavior, and make it clear to your boss and company that you have done so.

Any response and communication with his wife should be through police, or a legal representative from your company. The attitude from you should be: this is not my problem to sort alone, its not part of my job description to absorb threats and abuse. I have been exposed to this via my work and bosses actions , and I insist on this being taken seriously and being supported by the company while they tackle the problem.

just state company name or make up a name.

when she calls again then you tell her the woman’s full name. And follow up with the police - I mean ring them every time she calls. Be a nuisance. This needs to stop - it’s not ok.

Can you stop answering the phone?
If your boss objects tell him you are not prepared to answer it until he can guarantee that his wife will not be on the other end of the line.
I also second refusing to be the one locking up. Tell him it is beginning to make you ill and your fear it is affecting your mental health.

Do people not even read a full OP anymore? I mean seriously OP states in the opening post My boss is my HR.

I would also call ACAS. As an employer he should be protecting you.

Do you know the name of his partner or could find out? I’d be tempted to tell him either he sorts it out, or you will tell the ex wife all the details you have next time she calls, so that she can be sure it’s not you.

Also this! If he starts losing business I’m sure he will soon act….

Treat it like you are being stalked. Download the hollyguard phone app and try to have someone with you at all times. Check you aren't being followed home. Keep a detailed diary. Ask the police to give her a PIN to stay away from you xx

Does your work play a message prior to connecting that calls are being recording for training and monitoring and that abuse of staff will not be tolerated. If not, your boss needs to look in to getting this added ASAP and look in to call recording software as then you will have evidence. He should be doing his utmost to prevent you being harassed, especially because it's due to his personal life.

Go off sick with stress as a result of the harassment from his wife. It may light a rocket under his arse when you're not there to deal with the shit he created. You could clearly do with some time away from it all.

You really don't need to quote the whole OP, we all know who you are replying to. Secondly read the OP. She said she took her husband to see her boss INCASE the ex wife got hold of her husband on social media and told him OP was sleeping with the boss. He does not think OP is sleeping with her boss.