Boss's ex wife

[ThisPinkEagle]

I work for a small company (there's about 25 of us). My boss (45) left his wife over Xmas after having an affair. This new woman he is with has the same name as me (I am 35). I am also married.

I man the main phone line in my role at the office and when I pick up I say hello you're through to 'Jenny' at....how can I help? Two weeks ago I got a call on the office line with a private number. Picked up and was met with 'are you the prostitute' then the phone hung up. Another call shortly after asking for my boss, I asked who it was an was met with a woman screaming down the phone that she was his wife and I am a slag, she ended the call again. This continued to the point she was getting her young kids to call the office line asking for daddy and then yelling down the phone saying 'girls you're speaking to daddy's new girlfriend who he left us for'.

Alot of people call us back from private numbers if they have had a missed call from us to find out who we are so ignoring them is not an option as we will miss work calls so we have now had to get another guy in the office to do the initial call answering before they can be passed to me.

My boss (who owns the company) is telling us to just leave it and it'll eventually blow over but I have had to get my own husband into the office for my boss to explain his life story to him in case she tries to contact me over social media and my husband suddenly thinks I am sleeping with my boss. The other guy in the office is getting increasingly pissed off he has to stop his quite frankly already very busy job to answer the phone in case I get screamed at. My boss is my HR....he's apparently called the police but she's not stopping and they've said there isn't much they can do.

Myself and my colleague are now at the point of frustration and we have no idea what to do. It is now affecting our jobs and office atmosphere which before now was absolutely lovely. It's only me and him in the office (the rest are guys out on the tools) and he is not always here and I lock up on my own three nights a week whilst he does the school run and I am terrified she might turn up one night if it continues to escalate.

I have explained to her in the calls, I am not the woman but she just isn't having it. I have also logged it with the police myself.

I'd maybe visit her house along with your husband and explain or get him to call her and explain the mix up and for her to stop.

I agree with this!

What an awkward situation. Can you answer the phone without saying your name? That might be the easiest way to deal with this until it blows over (assuming it does).

You poor thing, and those poor children.
It's a pity your useless boss and the police can do nothing to stop her.

I'd also go the ACAS route.

Make sure you are logging every detail of every single incident and definitely contact ACAS. This is you boss’s problem to solve and if he doesn’t do that, then he is in breach of his legal duties as an employer. Make sure he knows that you know this and that you will take it further if needs be.

If she is stalking your social media, could you change your profile pictures to recent, happy ones with your husband?
Your boss is throwing your safety and well-being under the bus because of a mess he made. Is this someone you want to continue working for? From now on, refuse to lock up alone. He can do it. I would also get the police involved myself. The ex is enraged and rightly so but this is nothing to do with you.
Could you take on a chunk of colleague's work so he could do the phone in the meantime?

Additionally, this is why I don't agree with workplaces using real names to deal with the general public. Could you change phone script to 'You're through to x company'? Or perhaps Jenny has left and you're now called Sarah?

Ask him to buy call recording equipment.

Agree. I would state this is getting out of hand, it is making for a distressing and unsafe work environment and you need proactive steps taken. Firstly you want a risk assessment done so all your concerns are logged and in writing, this needs done asap.

I would ask for the ability to ensure all calls to and from the premises are recorded and that the recording be made available so every incident can be logged with the police with evidence to support harassment. I would ask him what he is doing to proactively shut it down and ensure you have his response in writing.

I would not visit her house or engage in anyway, I would make all my social media private. Depending on how frequent this is I would state due to the personal nature of this vendetta until the safeguards are put in place you will not be answering the phones.

my husband suddenly thinks I am sleeping with my boss

So, on top of the complete lack of any duty of care from your useless employer and the harassment from his crackpot ex-wife, you're dealing with this absolute fucking tool as well.

I'm sorry lovely, your husband should be looking out for you and supporting you, not jumping to ridiculous conclusions and making your life even worse x

I would do 3 things.

Firstly tell my boss that he needs to pay for a solicitor to send a cease and desist letter to his ex that she is to stop calling and harassing his employees.

Secondly suggest screening all calls so they go to a machine and speak in order to be put through to the relevant person or leave a message to be called back (or if an option just for withheld number ones)

Thirdly stop using my own name when answering the phone - not giving my name or using my middle name or the name I used to wish I had been given as a kid.

Pathetic response from the police, given you know who is making the calls! I would complain about their lack of response

Also solicitor letter to her telling her to stop.

I don't think boss needs to give new gf's name, that will merely cause a transfer of the harassment.

Your boss is not addressing this as he should be. Please stop locking up by yourself until this issue is sorted.

She said she took her husband in to meet the boss and have the situation explained 'in case' the husband started to think there was something going on - presumably in case he was told that by the ex-wife. The OP has said nothing about not being supported by her husband.

Any spouse would think twice if told by a riled up, cheated-on partner that their spouse was in the middle of a steamy affair. The OP has pre-empted that situation by getting her boss to explain the situation to her husband

I'd ex0ect your boss to put in a phone system that records the calls. It can then be used as evidence that she is harrassing you. He won't though as he doesn't care about your or your welfare- just about getting his own end away.

Your boss is acting quite poorly here, allowing you abuse until it blows over is really not ok! Could you try changing your name for the benefit of answering the phone? I’d keep logging all the calls and go back to the police

You need to report each incident to the police personally

Agree with PP, don’t answer with your name, no more locking up alone and calls to be recorded. In addition to that speak to ACAS plus a solicitors letter from dickhead boss to ex-wife. I think I’d be looking for another job too as your boss is a complete prick, with no care or concern for his staff. Hope you get a good resolution soon this is beyond unacceptable.

How awful! I don’t blame the woman though I blame the boss/ cheater/ husband. He should really leave or be sacked for gross misconduct

@BexAubs20 he owns the company that’s half the problem

never use your real name on social media - change it, those that know you will know who you are.

Record the calls, and tell them they are being recorded as evidence of harassment and abuse

Can you just answer the phone with a different name ?
Not that you should have to of course.

Health & Safety at Work Act?

He has a legal duty to keep you safe at work which he is failing to address.

The Police CAN usually do something IF they want to, its the 'if they want to' thats difficult.

In the good old days BT could disconnect you if your phone had been used to make abusive calls but sadly no longer

He's not. She was worried he might do.

Do you have her mobile number? I would get it from the boss and send her a video of you and your husband together and just calmly tell her you are really sorry for what she is going through but it has nothing to do with you.
she sounds unhinged and your boss is a prick!