To really not be enjoying having two children?

[maggiepies]

I can’t say I regret it exactly as obviously I love them very much as individuals but I hate spending time with them together. It’s stressful and noisy and draining.

Not helped by every single other person I know locally only having one! And their households and days out just seem so, so much calmer in contrast!

What ages are they?

They are quite young; four and two in a couple of months. I don’t know though, it feels like my future is as a referee.

How old are they?

I found it went in phases - it would be lovely having two for a while and then one would go through a developmental leap and then it would be hell for a while until everyone adjusted.
I was a SAHM, with very little help until DH got in from work each evening (at bedtime if I was lucky!). I found it helpful to get out of the house at least once a day either to parent and baby/toddler groups or just a trip to the park, library etc. Sometimes we met up with friends and sometimes grandparents if they were around.

I know it’s probably been said to you but it will become easier when they get older, they’ll play together and you’ll have a bit of time to yourself! Two year olds are hard work never mind mixing in a four year old. My two are 10 and 7 and will quite happily play together for a good hour or so. Just push through, I think when the summer hits you’ll feel better, you may be able to sit in a chair in the garden watching them both in a paddling pool!

Not being unreasonable. It is OK to feel out of your depth and overwhelmed. I have 2 kids (5&3), and despite it being much easier now (play together nicely for the most part, both potty trained, sleeping reasonably, not really using buggies etc), it is still tough. My mum said 'double the kids, triple the work'.

Do you have any family close by who you would be OK stepping in and helping? I have my inlaws and mum, and I tend to schedule days out and trips when there is someone else coming with me (husband, and grandparent, friend etc).

Do you get any time to yourself at all? Even if it is just a couple of hours to do something you like solo?

But the reality is, that it is hard. I just want to give you a big hug, as I could have written your post a year ago.

They are young though you had baby & toddler now toddler&preschooler it Is hard work, they are going to be fighting for attention but you don't have to get into the middle of every disagreement just let them crack on and work it out.

I have 3 children, two are only 25 months apart and the third is 14 years younger so I've experienced both.

My two girls were very easy kids and great pals. They played together and I had to do far less hands on parenting. Until the eldest turned 12 then she hated her sister since then it's been constant rows and fall outs. Even now as adults they still argue and the the eldest no longer lives at home.

My son was hard work from day one. Having no similar age siblings means we do a lot of the play and take him out a lot more than we did with the elder two.

It's different for different families, if your kids get on it's a dream if they don't it's awful. But one child is full on too.

It is difficult … I don’t really have anyone to help, but they do go to nursery for three days a week. It’s difficult balancing everything. So yes we go out but then the younger one needs a nap, the older one doesn’t want to leave. It’s tricky and does make me realise how comparatively it was with one, although I didn’t think so at the time!

What you are feeling is normal. Will your eldest go to school this year ?

Yes, which will be a relief in some ways!

School will make a difference to the intensity of it all, I know it's months away but something to focus on.

@maggmaggiepies I get it. My 3 year old has only just stopped napping the last few weeks, and going out and doing things is so hard when you have to factor in a nap (he couldn't miss his nap, otherwise the rest of the day would be even tougher). But it is so much easier now, we still have our really tough moments, but for the most part it's easier now than when they were 4 and 2. Hang in there xxx

I’m pregnant with my second. It’s unusual you know so many people with 1 child. I’ve suffered secondary infertility for years and absolutely everyone I know seems to have 2 children with 2 years apart. Sorry you feel that way. I’m sure it’s a challenge when they are small but it’ll be easier when they get bigger and it’s a nice age gap, I would have preferred a smaller one but here we are.

As someone who could only have one and would have loved more, yes, you are being unreasonable!

And you would be right!!

It's not anymore I think. It's becoming increasingly popular to have one child. When my kids went to school in London the majority of kids were only kids. I had 2 and I was the anomaly and there was only one family that I can remember that had 3 kids.

That’s literally nothing to do with me and I could just as easily tell you to enjoy just having one as it is easier

I'm finding it hard at the moment with 1! My parents are here today looking after her as she is 'sick' from nursery. Took her to the playground and she ran off. 40 mins later i heard screaming as they carried her back over my dad's shoulder

And yes, just one child is becoming increasingly popular. I think because everything is so expensive.

🙄 What an unhelpful comment. I sadly have no kids but I can still appreciate that it's bloody hard parenting two under 5s and empathise.

YANBU.
I wouldn't be able/want to put up with any.
They say it's temporary, though.

Didn’t realise this was the case in London. I live in a rural area and no one seems to have only children here .

It's difficult at this age OP, but it will get easier as they get older.

I don’t think it’s just London. If you look at the stats the average family size is dropping.

It's so dependent on the personalities of the children involved as to what ends up being easier. And as a pp said, even then it goes through phases. The gap between them.will get comparatively smaller though (one is double the age of the other at 2 and 4, so there's just so much differnece), and it shoild be much easier when out of the toddler years! There are lovely things about having one and lovely things about having 2 so try not to focus on the loveliness of what you don't have when possible.