To really not be enjoying having two children?

[maggiepies]

I can’t say I regret it exactly as obviously I love them very much as individuals but I hate spending time with them together. It’s stressful and noisy and draining.

Not helped by every single other person I know locally only having one! And their households and days out just seem so, so much calmer in contrast!

It’s tough at their ages, mine are 3 years apart and we had exactly the same issues with DS needing to nap and DD wanting to be out and about. I found that it got easier when the youngest dropped his naps, which was around 3 for him, and considerably easier when he was 4.5-5 and could really join in with everything ( and wanted to).

Hang in there, it’ll improve. 💐

Or because it's easier.

I found it so hard when my two were little, my youngest didn't sleep very much so I was knackered and it was difficult to cater to both of their different needs. Now they are older it's great, they are so lovely together. I know it's a bit of a cliche but it does get easier, try and focus on the good bits now if you can.

Loved having our two because they have just a week shy of a 9 year age gap. Almost everyone we knew with two or three under fives spent much of their day refereeing. It seemed to pass once they started school.

Have this age gap and love it but agree you are at a difficult stage of it. Feels like it is about the age you are at that is gets easier with younger one starting to drop nap soon and being more able to play. I do remember taking one child out at that age and thinking how relaxing and straightforward it was and anytime I visit family who all have one DC they are always ready to go and I am trying to get both mine organised. Fingers crossed yours start playing together nicely soon and it will all be easier

Your older child's needs need to be a priority too, so the younger one should nap in a pram. It's not fair if the older one is dragged away from an activity over a nap.

I feel you! I have a 4 yo DD and a 4 mo DS and I can find it physically and mentally draining and exhausting. Like you I love both my DC, and would NEVER regret them, but they can be hard work both at the same time when DH works 12 shifts, (we'll be working opposing 12 shifts when I go back to work after ML at the end of the month). my relatives live 50 miles away and my FIL is anxious about babies and is struggling physically, (he's classed as morbidly obese and walks with a stick) and my SIL and partner cannot handle poo, FIL live closest to us. I go in waves and fluctuate between feeling drained and then all of a sudden feeling a burst of energy. I'm lucky my DD is in Preschool 3 mornings a week and my FIL does help out and picks her up every Wednesday. She's also starting school in September. I've been told it gets easier, but it doesn't help, or feel like it in the present. All I can suggest is try to get as much rest when you can if both are sleeping/away, and if possible, try to find something you enjoy doing on your own, (if you EVER get time on your own!). Trust me, It helps maintain your sanity! Thinking of you!

Right but if they can’t do that (which happens as they get older) then it isn’t much fun for anyone with an exhausted angry toddler. Posts like that aren’t helpful.

Young children are absolutely exhausting!!

I completely agree...I always used to wonder why we didn't stop at one even though I love my kids to death. I have the same age gap but now mine are 4 and 6 and as they are getting older it is getting easier and easier. They entertain each other independent of me more and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are in the thick of it right now, but it does get better! ❤️

I completely hear this. Had a day out with just DS after Christmas and it didn’t feel like work at all!

And thanks for the solidarity! Whenever I have just one it feels so straightforward these ‘if only it was always like this!’ thoughts sneak in.

I can’t have children so maybe think about that. You are lucky, yes it’s difficult but you could have lost 7 pregnancies like I did. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad but to remind you how lucky you are. This craziness is because you have two beautiful healthy kids.

You're still at the shit stage, don't fret, it becomes more fun soon.

I am sorry you can’t have children but this has nothing to do with me and is unfair to lay at my door.

This is not about you in the slightest; don’t make it so.

As I said I’m not saying it to make you feel bad but to that chaos and hardship is due to being very lucky. I’m not making it about me or laying anything at your door but when it gets overwhelming just think to yourself that you have two healthy kids.

To those posters who are bashing the OP for finding it difficult, that she should feel lucky that she has children. I am truly sorry that you have had difficulties, and I can't even imagine how difficult that experience must have been for you. But she is allowed to reach out for support when she is finding situations in her life hard, without being told to be grateful for having kids at all. I've not seen anywhere that she doesn't love her children with everything she has. She is simply asking for solidarity and a kind word. So please think before you post.

BashfulClam · Today 17:23

maggiepies · Today 17:21
I am sorry you can’t have children but this has nothing to do with me and is unfair to lay at my door.
This is not about you in the slightest; don’t make it so.

As I said I’m not saying it to make you feel bad but to that chaos and hardship is due to being very lucky. I’m not making it about me or laying anything at your door but when it gets overwhelming just think to yourself that you have two healthy children”

So very sorry for your heartbreaking losses, @BashfulClam .

OP has not been in your position. She is seeking advice with her daily reality. With respect, you have not been in her position, either. Your very personal view is, completely understandably, informed by your experiences but in this particular situation you are not qualified to comment.

Yes, you are saying it to make me feel bad, which is why I responded more snappily than I normally would have.

As I said I’m not saying it to make you feel bad but to that chaos and hardship is due to being very lucky. I’m not making it about me or laying anything at your door but when it gets overwhelming just think to yourself that you have two healthy kids.

And how would it make you feel if you were seeking support for struggling with your infertility and miscarriages and instead someone went "well at least you haven't got breast cancer like my aunt Mildred" it's dismissive.

I can relate. My twins separately are dream children. But when together the dynamic between them is really tough.

Mine are a similar age and it’s so hard! Same setup as you in that they’re at nursery three days and with me the rest, DH has weekends off so I do get some relief there thankfully.

We try to go out whenever we can, even if it’s just a stroll into town and browse the charity shops. Youngest will nap in the pram which helps!

Also in response to Bashful’s post, we had a long journey to having our DCs - infertility, loss and fertility treatment for both children. I still have days where I think ‘F this!’ - and that’s ok and I don’t feel guilty for feeling that way.

I am aware that it is dropping but 2 seems to be average where I live. My child is the only , only child in his class.

I was one and done i had him when i was young im now 38 and he`s moved out.
Op it will get better as they get older try and find some time for yourself as well.
Its hard work for any parent but more the work with more children.
A lot of familys i know now stop at one and some have decided to not have any.