To really not be enjoying having two children?

[maggiepies]

I can’t say I regret it exactly as obviously I love them very much as individuals but I hate spending time with them together. It’s stressful and noisy and draining.

Not helped by every single other person I know locally only having one! And their households and days out just seem so, so much calmer in contrast!

Well isn't it wonderful that OP has found a site that is literally called MUMsnet to discuss the highs and lows of motherhood (:

So on the contrary, not pointless at all!

I completely get how you feel. It's a very tough age though. It will most likely get better as they get older.

I only have one child (12), and sometimes I think it would have been nice if they had a sibling to have someone to play with and have that support later in life. But now I am divorced and nearly 40, I dont think that is going to happen.

We have friends whose kids are 3 yrs apart and it is a complete and utter misery, just due to the personality of the youngest. And other friends /family whose kids play nicely together. So it all depends on many factors, but you are going through some of the toughest years now.

Mine are just over 2 years apart. I’d say it was really hard for the first few years, but now they are 9 and 7 and it’s been much easier for a long time now. Yes they fight, but they play a lot together too.

For me personally life really improved once my youngest was about 3 and reliably toilet trained, no nap, could be reasoned with, doing some nursery hours, essentially out of the toddler stage!

I’m currently sat in a leisure centre car park (at 7.43am on a Saturday) as my eldest has swimming club. DH and youngest are probably still in bed, but even if they’re up, he’ll just have provided some cereal for DD and he’ll be doing his own thing while DD watches tv or does whatever in her room. When I get back at 9.30 we’ll all have a decent breakfast and then I’ve actually got plans at 11am for a couple of hours and DH wants to watch the rugby later. The kids will just fit in with all that. DH will look after them while I’m out then I’ll leave him in peace for his rugby watching. It’s so so different to having a 2 and 4 year old! So hang on in there!

I've got a 4yo and 2.5yo and I get it. I have found it easier overall since about 2y when the younger one started listening and now is dropping naps and toilet training and they have lovely moments together but still multiple times a day it's all-out war over ridiculous things. We are just reaching the stage where 1 parent will willingly take both kids out somewhere together. Previously I'd take 1 on an errand but it was much too stressful to have both.

We don't have anyone nearby to help and, when the grandparents do visit, they don't want to look after 2 small children. It actually makes me feel better about the situation. I suppose it's recognition that it's not just me, that 2 kids at once are genuinely not as enjoyable as 1 to look after.

I hear you OP, it's brutal. Mine are 19 months apart ans they're now almost 4 and 5.
I really struggled with having them both at home with me. Once the eldest started school and the youngest potty trained things got 100x easier.
They do still bicker, but I also might get an hour or 2 where they take themselves off to play in another room which is amazing! I'm secretly VERY excited for my youngest starting school in Septemer 😄

YANBU. It is hard OP but it will get better. Mine are now 8 and 4 and this morning I've been to a fitness class and then come home and made myself a nice breakfast. Albeit my husband has been holding the fort. They still fight a fair bit but it's mostly OK. Taking them both out on my own can be a challenge as the big age gap means quite different needs/wants but it's generally OK.