dd wishes she was more sporty

[CosyRubyDreamer]

dd (16) is bad at all sports (her words, not mine). Her coordination and physical stamina isn't the best and as a kid she hated doing sports. However she seems to click with sporty people in terms of personality everywhere. She is energetic and very playful. Her best friends are academic like her but way more quiet and serious. She is friendly with the sporty group at school and has so much fun with them but its hard to get closer as they all are in team sports together. Am at a lost

You are letting her down - she is telling you that she wants to do more sports and you are just shrugging your shoulders at all the suggestions and writing her off as not capable. The aerobic fitness is entirely under her control and her co-ordination can improve enough for a lot of sports.

It is likely she will love the sports club environment and make strong friendships there, at least give her the chance. It will also be a great way for her to find her tribe when she goes to university.

She just needs to get going in some way, a fun touch rugby club, couch to 5k, going to the gym to get her fitness better... anything and you need to be encouraging rather than obstructive.

As someone from a not sporty family this makes me so sad!!

I was always told I was too cautious and uncoordinated to play sports. Boy did I miss out on fulfilment, friendships and fitness!

In my forties I thought sod it, I'm giving it a go. I now play hockey and cricket regularly. Where I live I could also play netball, football and rugby within a 15 minute drive.

If I wanted to I could do climbing, rowing and parkrun locally too.

Loads of women play sport for a challenge, interest and fun. Getting the game on is the absolute most important thing. I'm just sad I missed out on 30 years of that fun myself!

OP apologies I repeat things here I've read your posts but not all the responses - have you considered things that are social but not necessarily competitive/team based?

I'm part of a Brazilian jiu jitsu club which has the same sort of comradely for the club, but as competing is a choice and individual (it's 1:1) there's not the same pressure of keeping up with the team. Also have tried other martial arts and capoeira which are all very social and athletic but more accommodating of people who aren't perhaps natural athletes.

Actually I dont think OP is being negative. Just cos people have suggested loads of ideas doesn’t mean theres something in that list that stands out as being a possibility.

The think that puzzles me OP is you describe your daughter as being energetic .If she doesn’t do sports , how is she displaying her energetic side currently? Because maybe the answer lies in that i.e. picking something thats linked to her natural affinity rather than just plucking something out of the air.

@TweedCoat So you can hit a ball then? Run a fair way in a coordinated manner? In fact you are sporty but you were just told you weren't. I know I cannot hit a ball. I cannot run any distance. I'd never hit a cricket ball or bowl accurately. I never hit a rounders ball ever. I mostly missed the hockey ball. It's simply not possible to become good at these things if your coordination truly isn't there. You were just lied to.

Energetic DD? Dance! I loved music and dance. Energy doesn't necessarily need a sporty outlet.

Here's an interesting thing @TizerorFizz.

18 months ago I had an eye test that showed I have poor binocular vision. I've had it all my life... just no optician ever thought to mention it until I jokingly asked my current optician if she could do anything to help me see the ball. She said she could actually, and I was surprised no-one had ever mentioned this to me. I've worn glasses all my life and by that time I was playing ball sports (fairly badly) without glasses. A new prescription to sort my binocular vision, along with contact lenses, has been a game changer.

Look, if you physically can't run, then maybe cricket or hockey isn't for you. But if you can run albeit badly or slowly, then there's only one direction you can go in, and that is to get better. The only way you can improve is to just do it, and hopefully have some good coaching along the way. There's a woman that plays cricket locally and she only has one arm. She manages ok! We're not playing at county level... we're playing organised sport for fun.

It's very easy to find lots of reasons not to do sport. I think I was discouraged because my family didn't understand it, didn't want to take me to anything, didn't want to stand on the sidelines in the cold, didn't want to pay for it, and just couldn't contemplate how running around chasing a ball or whatever in sideways rain, whilst losing, could possibly be fun.

But you know what, it is. It's fun, fitness and friendship all the way.

@TweedCoat I was forced to "play" sport for years. I know I'm useless. I'm not running anywhere at the speed required. I've never had any fun at any sport at all, ever. I've been miserable and a complete failure. I don't need more failure. I'm ok at other things and sporty types find each other. I find people like me. The DD here needs to do the same. She should not just see sporty types as the sole source of fun. There's more people out there. And my eyes have been tested to oblivion.

@TizerorFizz maybe so.

Look OP sporty people are usually pretty busy with training and matches. If your daughter wants to be increasingly friendly with them then the thing that will massively improve her chances of that is playing the same sports as them as that will give time together and strengthen relationships.

You've had lots of advice and ideas on here about sporty or less sporty ways for your daughter to spend time and develop friendships.

I'm a bit lost as to what you're asking actually. No one else can make these sporty types more available to your DD as friends other than her. Perhaps unless she starts having legendary house parties to which the sporty kids are invited!

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Also ladies cricket gets a lot of funding and many clubs have ladies teams. As with all sports practice and more practice makes improvement. She could try the park run, badminton, tai chi, karate, indoor climbing, kayaking.

I hated sport at school, had no co-ordination or fitness and was made to feel useless and humiliated, so I didn't do anything until I was 48. Now I run parkrun, I swim, I cycle and practice karate with a club.

There are new adult joiners at Parkrun, karate and swimming all the time. Age isn't a barrier at all.

She could choose a sport or two, join a club, have a few swimming lessons. It doesn't take long to get absorbed into the clubs.

OP, why not start with ParkRun. You can go with her to get started. It's free. You can take the dog. We have a junior England team runner through to a couple in their 80s in ours. Times are between 15 minutes and an hour for 5k.

Your dd can walk, jog, run, do a bit of all of them. Start to improve her times.
There is absolutely no pressure and most Parkruns have 400 people to get to know if she wants. Lots of teens and twenties.

Plus the basic improvement in fitness will help with any other sport she wants to try.