dd wishes she was more sporty

[CosyRubyDreamer]

dd (16) is bad at all sports (her words, not mine). Her coordination and physical stamina isn't the best and as a kid she hated doing sports. However she seems to click with sporty people in terms of personality everywhere. She is energetic and very playful. Her best friends are academic like her but way more quiet and serious. She is friendly with the sporty group at school and has so much fun with them but its hard to get closer as they all are in team sports together. Am at a lost

Near me there is back to netball, this is aimed at beginners and could get her confidence up. I agree with the couch to 5k above, it would increase her confidence having improved general fitness I imagine.

I agree with some other posters Parkrun is a great place to participate.

Is she doing her Duke of Edinburgh? That's a good way to be outdoorsy without being good at sports.

We don't live in the UK so we don't really have that

Sport is one of those things that often become more enjoyable as you progress. So you need some perseverance to begin with and once fitter/better, you start to enjoy it more.
Not easy for a teen but very doable - if she can get over the fear of embarrassing herself to learn a new sport, she’ll definitely get more sporty over time.

Parkrun or something - running a couple/three times a week for 2months at her age should render her reasonably fit.
I missed out a lot in early twenties when people went swimming / played tennis /squash as I’d grown up in the country away from those opportunities. First thing get fitter.

Honestly, it sounds like you're the problem. You took her out of swimming because she wasn't good enough and you wanted her to be musical, which doesn't seem to fit her personality. You're shouting down every suggestion. Do nice girls not have muscles or sweat in your head, and you're still going she'll become a sweet little pianist? She's old enough to join an adult team. Encourage her to do some research and go to a trial session. Almost every country, even ones with poor women's rights and infrastructure have some sort of sports club somewhere. They're normally welcoming and inclusive, nothing like PE.

C25k and parkrun?

I was hopeless at PE school at school, as in always got Es because the PE teachers refused to believe that I genuinely could not throw, catch or run... my DS is diagnosed dyspraxic (I think the apple landed close to the tree and is better at sport than me)
I did dance outside of school (badly, and I don't remember routines) and when that stopped I started adult beginners swimming for DoE.

I did my first 25m swmming at 16
I learnt to ride a bike at 19
I learned to run and complete 5k at 32

It's early days yet

16 is a good age to want to learn sport because the world of adult casual fitness is opening up. You can just go to the pool and do lengths or sign up to a karate class.

Teenage sport provison 11-16 is awful because the culture is predominantly to commit, specialise and get competitive, and for many people that just isn't fun and sets them up with negative associations with sport that are hard to get past. She's at the age where that's ceasing to be a restraint.

16 would actually be relatively young to get in to rowing. Loads of people start at uni and plenty as adults.

She just doesn't fit in well with the other kids from orchestra, which she doesn't do anymore. She loves choir though and is friendly with people there but its not the same connection.

If she struggles with coordination, I'd suggest avoiding team sports that have a moving ball - netball football etc. they are most common at school but also hardest to enjoy as a weaker player

Non-ball sports like running rowing cycling climbing skiing are much easier to enjoy as a beginner and at your own level.

I had a go at team sports but am too away with the fairies to be good at them. My head is very much not in the game. My best "sport" is crazy golf. 😀Tell her you can participate in sport or healthy activity and be fit without being good at team sport. I run, do yoga and lift weights. Good that she has friends who like different stuff and that they bond over other things.

I was useless at sport in school. Turns out I just hadn’t found the right one. Now I compete internationally in hyrox. I agree with a pp. Youre the one holding her back because you want her to be a musician and that’s not what she wants. Take her to some sports clubs and let her try and find what she actually enjoys

I know it's outside of school but what about

Lots of people start all these at different ages
The gym
Karate
Archery
Clay pigeon shooting
Walking - you know like racing while walking
Go karting
Horse riding
Darts
Rock climing
Indoor rock climbing
Gorge walking / caving

Another vote for martial arts, its great for balance, coordination, and memory processes. You can progress at an individual level, and its skills can then be used to improve in another sport. It's also quite cool. DD did karate. She was very much the 'cool' girl at her girls' school. She hadn't done much team sport up until then but became a B team for hockey and A team reserve player. She eventually became a PT.

Her physical stamina isn't good because she has never played sports. If she wants to get closer to rowing friends then it sounds like that is the sport to take up. Can she do it out of school first to get some skills and confidence? Before joining the school club?

And, as a wider point, does your DD struggle to enjoy things she isn't good at? A hobby should just be fun, no need to be any good! Can you help her see some things that way? Many academic kids struggle with not being good with things, and then struggle when life doesn't always go their way as an adult

One of my sons started rowing this year. He's 19. In what world is 16 too old?

I was like your daughter in the sense that I sucked at all sports. I can't catch or throw a ball, was always the last in any race, can't jump high or far and the first time I tried easy aerobics, I fell over my own feet.
But as it turned out, was quite a natural at weights. Then I started bodypump and after doing that for a while, got fitter and started enjoying also other group fitness classes. I'm now a fitness instructor.

As others have said, she should look around and find some sport she enjoys and is actually good at, I'm sure everybody can find something. This will make a massive difference and she will get better in other sports as well.

Oh and I was in late 20s when I discovered 'my thing'. Of course 16 is not old!

Another vote for couch 2 5k and parkrun.

you say you’re not in the uk, parkrun is international (except France) so find your nearest one. You could both go and start walking it to get started

She’ll see tangible results and it will build confidence and fitness for all sport

Marshal arts and fitness groups (pilates/yoga) would help her to build her strength and wellbeing. I expect she'd like to join in conversations about attending an activity regularly and see some results (toned muscles).

Right mine isn't sporty but became good at tennis, it's a great social sport and will take beginners. It's not too fast moving at beginner and she can build from there. Tennis clubs are usually nice social places too. Something you can do together is Yoga, it will help her balance etc

She can also try a women's cricket team for example.

Some people are just not sporty, whether from lack of interest, poor co-ordination or whatever.

Your DD surely can be friends with people who are sporty without playing sport? It seems a little mean saying, in effect, her best friends are too quiet and serious and she wants to hang out with the sporty girls because they are more fun. If these sporty girls want to be friends with your DD and your DD wants to be friends with them, surely a friendship will evolve ?

Your DD could play a particular sport/join a a team and not click with the people in that sport/they may not hang out together, etc.

I would highly recommend climbing. There are indoor gyms, they can be very sociable and then when she is older there will be outdoor activities to do with friends, bouldering etc. the climbing community are great people and usually built around great friendships. Climbing is brilliant because it's about learning and challenging yourself and you don't need to be brilliant at usual sporty things like having lots of stamina.

Keep trying different sports to find one that fits with her.

could she also get into refereeing or something else related to sports if playing doesn’t work.

She loves her best friends and enjoys hanging out with them and they are very close but there is also a side of her that needs friends who are playful and energetic like her. I mean she can have both.