dd wishes she was more sporty

[CosyRubyDreamer]

dd (16) is bad at all sports (her words, not mine). Her coordination and physical stamina isn't the best and as a kid she hated doing sports. However she seems to click with sporty people in terms of personality everywhere. She is energetic and very playful. Her best friends are academic like her but way more quiet and serious. She is friendly with the sporty group at school and has so much fun with them but its hard to get closer as they all are in team sports together. Am at a lost

I disagree, I row and some of my fellow rowers are not particularly co-ordinated (if you chuck something at them they can't catch it etc) , but they can still learn, it takes time regardless to get good at rowing so would suit someone who can persevere while learning, doesn't mind getting soaked regularly and does what they are told (as you can't just do your own thing until you are good enough to go out on your own)

I actually find it great, I don't have to think I just do what I'm told and it's very meditative and I love being on the water.

I think everyone is sporty, they just need to find the right sport!

Climbing is worth a try. Nice community of friendly people on the whole.

How about Padel? I think pretty much anyone can pick it up and that's why it is such good fun. But as others have suggested rowing could also be a good option... I joined the rowing team at uni as a novice and loved it.

Please don't take this the wrong way but you come across as not being very open minded to her trying things out in case she isn't good at it straight away. Obviously she isn't going to row in the olympics, but it is possible to take part in sport just for fun and she will improve at any sport if she practises. You've already acknowledged it's great for her social life but playing sport teaches us resilience too. So I think you should try to be more encouraging and tell her to just have a go. Who cares if she fumbles the ball or trips over whilst learning a new game? She needs to pick herself up, laugh and carry on... and possibly you could benefit from doing this too.

It depends how serious you want to be about it. If you want to compete to a reasonable level then you need good technique and have good enough proprioception to be able to make small adjustments to your movements. If you just want to have a fun social activity then technique is not so important.

Also rowing can be very cliquey.

(I don't want to derail the thread with a discussion on rowing!)

What about cross-country running? They go to comps as a team and there's a team and individual result. Group training. But no really coordination involved.

Start with some swimming lessons, especially if she's friends with rowers!

Would she go to a gym? Away from school so she can get stronger.

And dancing is brilliant for coordination, body awareness, grace.

It's getting lighter now so maybe short jogs round the local park after school and weekends.

Getting more stamina, stronger muscles, more used to using her body for enjoyable activities.

There are plenty of active things she can try her hand at without the pressure of being on a team or being compared to people and these activities will help build strength, stamina and coordination.

Visit a climbing centre
Go roller skating
Rent out a local tennis court
Go swimming together weekly
Do a couch to 5k
Dance classes

Would second this. There are always beginner MMA/BJJ classes starting. Loads of fun, gets you super fit very quickly and there's the added bonus of learning how to look after yourself.

Rowing is really easy to start. I started at the gym got talking to professional rowers there who, unbeknownst to me, were monitoring my times. The moment I was fast enough I got a spot on the beginner rowing team.

Why doesn't she talk to one of her trusted friends about how to begin?

At 16 she isn’t to old to learn to balance on a bike

DS has never been sporty at school but he did karate for years and was good at it which was excellent for his confidence. I was disappointed when he gave it up whilst training for black belt but he can always go back to it. Karate is very egalitarian, people of either sex or any age can join a beginners class and they won't stand out.

DS joined a gym last summer. He loves it and has developed a real interested in the physiology side. It's a great way to get him out of the house at weekends and school holidays and to destress during GCSE revision and mocks.

I was never sporty either and still can't catch or hit a ball but I always liked aerobics classes and things like that. Then I took up running as an adult and whilst I was never going to win any races I always finished midfield in 10ks and half marathons so wasn't the worst. I took up yoga a year ago and the teacher recently asked me if I was interested in training to teach so I guess I must be OK at that too.

I think your DD should work on her fitness and stamina, join a gym and try couch to 5k. Then she might be more confident joining an organised sport.

Dd is not sporty, but danced. She took up volleyball as a social sport.

I’m still not sure what you and your daughter are after, OP.

Is it to find a sport for your daughter to do independently of her sporty friends, or is it for her to do the sports with her sporty friends?

Do adult swimmig lessons and join in rowing etc ..no one knows how to row but u get taught and i found it fun ..

Does she want to do sport for her own sake or simply to be around other sporty people.

Because if it's the latter I don't think she'll enjoy it or become very good especially if she doesn't swim well after many lessons and can't ride a bike.

It's really not a problem to be friends with sporty people without doing sport yourself. After all how would doing say running or tennis help with her friendships with the people she likes who play football and rowing?

Could she get involved in sports teams by helping with admin / logistics / planning helping coach run things? They need lots of people to make things work.

What about joining the gym to get fitter and be sociable - that’s what a lot of teens round here do.

Has she got a bike? If not do try and get her one so she can learn to ride.

Sport is great. It's good to see this post.

Why can't she ride a bike? Has she tried and can't, or you just didn't bother to teach her?

if the former, it might be thatyou should consider having her assessed for dyspraxia. It' sa processing condition that makes al ot of fine and gross motor skills difficult. People with dyspraxia often struggle with skills like bike riding, dressing themselves (laces, buttons, zips) etc.

It also sounds like she wants to play a sport butneither you nor her understand that any sport requires time and effort, whether you have natural talent or not. I'd start by working on her fitness - get her doing couch to 5k by herself to increase her overall strength and fitness. Then she can start considering options. Rowing would be good but based on her lack of swimming skills, I'm not sure that will work. I agree with martial arts but it doesn't sound like that would be interesting to her. At her age, what about classes at a local gym, ideally with her friend - she could do anything from yoga to zumba?

Some dc just are not sporty. I'm not and DD1 wasn't either. It's not practice it's just coordination. There's nothing wrong with us! Not everyone has to have a diagnosis to explain why they are not great at catching a ball! It's just that we have different talents.

I would try helping out with the teams if possible. My DD just wasn't friendly with sporty types because she preferred music and drama. So she didn't chase friends with talents she didn't have. Mostly dc sort themselves out into friendship groups with similar interests and attributes. There's plenty of dc between very quiet and very out there. She needs to find a more suitable tribe and release the coat tails.

Rugby.
You don't have to be good at kicking or catching, you have to want to be there and enjoy getting muddy. That's about it.

After-game culture is everything.

You don’t need to be good at sports to participate. Can’t she be on the “B” team? She’ll still be part of the team and see her friends at training and the social events, without the pressure to perform.

Well, she's never going to become sporty with the defeatist attitude that you have to the many, many helpful suggestions received.

You've made such broad-brush judgements of "sporty people" and "non-sporty people".

I agree she can improve her physical stamina by exerting herself and she can work on hand/eye coordination - it's good for the brain.

Both of you could be more open-minded. She can't have tried and got to know that many different sporty/non-sporty friends.

If she wants to hang out with this particular group why doesn't she do rowing?

You don't have to be great at a sport for it to be worthwhile doing!

I was "not sporty" but actually I had uncorrected poor vision, and lack of confidence. I went to the gym to lift weights and being able to do physical activity alone, so I didn't feel pressure from others allowed me to become more co-ordinated and confident, and I realised I'm good at other things too.

I would suggest to her -
Lifting weights
Exercise classes (separate to school friends)
Kickboxing
Yoga
Pilates
Any martial art she's interested in
Aerial hoop/silks
Climbing

She's 16 so she might lose touch with her current sporty friends soon anyway, so better she finds something she likes rather than whatever they like.

Sorry to say but you're being very negative in your replies, I feel like you're going to destroy her confidence, and you don't teach a child to swim so she can be the best at swimming. You teach them to swim so they don't drown.