Mom and toddler

[Toddlermama123]

Thanks to anyone who reads this long post .
Now , I am aware that it cannot be diagnosed until much later as lots of the symptoms mirror toddler behaviour but I’d like to ask for the unbiased opinion / share experiences with other toddler’s mums . My little one just turned 2 ( 25 months ) and she is my first . She has tons of words and uses them to get what she wants , lots of 2/3 word combination . She eats and sleeps well and , although shy ( only child ) , she did engage in a ball game a couple of days ago with another little girl by tossing and kicking the ball between each other . She is perfectly able to follow 2 step instructions and mimics everything. Both good expressive and receptive language .

1. she asks for food
2. If I ask pick up the glass and put it on / under the table she does it .
3. She asks questions like where’s daddy ? What’s that ? What’s that sound?
4. She answers questions : what color is the ball ? What’s /where’s that ?
5. She recognises herself in the mirror and us in pictures
6. When holding a big and small object she can identify the correct size .

She doesn’t hit , kick or bite ( so far ) , plays appropriately with toys and when she is in a bit of a mood she runs towards her teddy and hugs it ( she doesn’t get destructive or hurt herself ) . She sits for lunch and dinner . When she has a tantrum always ends within 5 minutes and seeks comfort . What concerns me is :

1. if I’d take her to do circle time she wouldn’t join ever . She would watch from afar / next to me .
2. She wouldn’t sit still to read a book at the library but prefers to explore . Yet she sits happily at home drawing .
3. She is highly anxious ( so I am ) in the way that she sobs and gasp for air when scared .
4. She has a memory of steel . She remembers where a bit of purple fluff that she found a while back was

She has always slept through the night from 7 to 6.30 since 12 months and eats fairly well , Any of these red flags rings a bell please ? There is no family history of ASD but obviously no one knows for certain and , from what I can tell , there is no quirkiness so I’d like to know how asd can develop when not genetic ? I am aware of environmental exposure but I have had a textbook pregnancy and was never exposed to anything harmful ☺️ I know that Asperger doesn’t exist anymore since 2013 as a separate diagnosis but , from what I was told by professionals, AS doesn’t present with any communication delays , just social delays and repetitive/ rigidity interests , alongside with food sensitivity and emotional outbursts . Where do we draw the line between asd and personality traits ?

Honestly she sounds like any other regular two year old with her own quirks to me?!!
Kids do not understand socialising until they are 3 anyway.
Let’s not keep pathologising perfectly normal behaviour

I have a toddler just a few months older than your own. Bar the anxiousness (wouldnt say my toddler is anxious but he can get so upset sometimes he gasps for air), it sounds like your describing him and I have no concerns about him at all. Neither do any of our childcare providers (he’s been to both a childminder and nursery setting).

Being a first time parent is tough. I’m constantly having to stop myself comparing him to other children - why can they do this and he can’t etc. But he’s a happy little boy whose done everything in his own time.

Try to relax and enjoy. And if you have any lingering concerns speak to your healthcare team.

I don't know why you're concerned about ASD in your DD.

Autism (including the presentation previously described as Asperger's) requires substantial deficits/differences in social communication. These may include not using eye contact communicatively (eg to check someone has seen something you've seen, to show you're listening), not responding to questions or a name being called, not sharing your world or emotions with others.

Being watchful, wanting to explore new environments, and having a good memory are not signs of autism. In fact, distinguishing between strangers and family shows social understanding. I actually don't think she's presenting as overly anxious in her fear response - toddlers cry intensely. It might be an autism concern if she responded in that way to everyday stimuli like bright lights, traffic noise, or a freezer humming, so that it began to interfere with your life. But I don't think that's the case from what you've said.

I have one disabled ASD daughter (pre verbal still age 10, still in nappies, goes to a special school etc) and one 'high functioning' autistic daughter who is now 8 (barely noticeable now unless you know her, some quirks, emotional and sensory needs, doesn't play in imagination, attends mainstream) and both my daughters had significant differences and difficulties age 2. In fact my youngest 'high functioning' DD was more complex when she was younger than her sister. Your daughter sounds typical but I am not an expert. If you suspect, keep a diary of behaviours which worry you and show them to your health visitor.

You’re posting about this on almost a weekly bases. I’m the first person to say ‘don’t knock a parent with concerns’ but even I kindly think you need to address why you’re compulsively looking for signs.

A lot of the things I see in my toddlers.

My son won't join group activity either and tend to watch from a distance. Even at nursery it took him months to actively participate in a dance class, when he knew at least of third of the kids.

Both of them won't sit still anywhere outside and would much rather explore. I think every 2 yo do that tbh.

My son will also remember random things... And typically the little bit of red fluff he found in the staircase 10 days ago - "where is it now mummy?!"
Their memory isn't selective at that age, so they'll remember everything by default.

Anxiety we don't have, but they each have other traits that are a bit more pronounced than in the average kid population. For me, it's just part of their personality (unless it causes bigger problems down the line).

why are you fixated on all this???
It’s really pretty odd… do you want her to have Autism?

she sounds like a totally normal toddler with nothing concerning

my dd is 3 but remembers inane stuff from months ago.
last night she asked where a promo pamphlet was from a kids show we went to in November….
A few weeks ago she also asked when she could do strawberry picking with granny again and if the blue butterfly would still be there 😵‍💫 that was last July…!

Group activities she now occasionally will follow songs and directions but generally just does her own thing. She’s not neurodivergent and childcare professionals have ZERO concerns about her…
honestly at group play/singing most 2 yr old either do their own thing or just stand like awkward zombie babies silently swaying about and watching others

NORMAL FOR A TODDLER.

It's the same poster isn't it?
OP, you nailed it half way through your post by saying you have anxiety. Deal with that, please and stop with these weekly lists. We are not going to tell you anything different than what we have told you multiple times already.

You have an anxiety problem. A really potentially damaging one. You went through and bumped dozens of threads about other 2 year olds as well as starting your own.

If she turns out to be ND then she does. There's nothing you can do about it. It can't be nipped in the bud, prevented or minimised. Just enjoy having a toddler.

Yes, I have at least two of the OP’s previous threads still in my ‘I’m On’ list from recently. Exact same posting style every time. This has been going on since her daughter was at least 16 months old (iirc), and the volume of threads is just increasing without taking on board any replies from the previous.

I (and others) have previously asked the op if her daughter is in nursery but the op won’t even consider that to have an independent assessment in a social setting with peers. At this point it just feels like the op is looking for a free online diagnosis based on nothing (which obviously won’t happen). To what end, who knows.

It is mainly a gut feeling that she is on the spectrum and I know I am gonna get a lot of hate but I do believe she has Asperger ( I am aware that the name has been barred) simply because I can see 18 months old having good back and forth conversation with their parents and mine never did it until recently ( she never said the word yes but says okay for it ) . She doesn’t have meltdown etc . All I’d like to know is that , if any parents have encountered this sort of presentation before and what could be done in terms of therapies ? Been to GP and HV , short of going private ( which I can’t) and no one sees a problem . This is very typical for girls to fly under the rader and problems become apparent much later on .

So professional have said your child has no problems at all, stop looking for them.

My DD had completely (as far as I could tell) normal development until the age of around 5. Very social and engaged with the world around her. She is now 13 and diagnosed ASC.

What I'm saying is you can't always tell anyway what will happen down the line. As pp has said. Stop pathologising your daughter's behavior because it sounds as if you are currently projecting your health anxiety on her.

She may be found to be ND down the line, or not. You can't control it so unless there are huge deficiencies which there clearly are not, enjoy your child and more so let her enjoy her life without her parent constantly thinking she's is not developing properly.

Your gut feeling is wrong. Your toddler doesn't need therapy.

YOU need therapy to tackle your anxiety and fixation about this. Deal with your anxiety before it damages your child. I say that as a mother with anxiety.

But this exactly my point .. given that the spectrum is so wide nowadays and if kids develop seemingly NT where does the line with personality end and the spectrum begin ?

What do you hope to gain from this thread that you haven't got from your many previous ones @Toddlermama123 ?

If it gets to the point where professionals eg school, HV etc think you need to explore this,a professional will assess and diagnose your child. A professional diagnosis has a threshold so you either are or you are not ASC. You may display some symptoms (I certainly do) but you won't meet the threshold for a diagnosis which is very specific.

Therefore please stop worrying about it and let your child develop at her pace.

You can't be a little bit autistic. It's a fallacy.

This all sounds completely typical OP.

You really need to get some help for yourself. Please try to get some counselling or therapy, and consider trying a medication.

I can see you desperately want to do the right thing for your child, but at the moment you're fixating on the idea that she is autistic in a way that's going to be really unhealthy for both of you.

Like you've been told by lots of posters, your daughter sounds like a normal, happy toddler.

I think a lot of it sounds normal toddler behaviour but if you do think she has ASD there’s no harm in a wait and see approach at this age.
My DD was diagnosed with ASD at 7 and at 2 I had no inkling but it did become apparent as she got older and the differences between her and her peers grew

AS can present as communication delays. I'm not sure why you would think otherwise.

i agree with you but , before 2013 , AS was mainly a social delay along with restrictive / repetitive interests . I know things have changed but the reason , I believe , why so many flow under the rader is because with AS communication is not a problem in the first 2/3 years ( not talking about scripting or echolalia ) just normal speech . That’s why AS existed on its own