Mom and toddler

[Toddlermama123]

Thanks to anyone who reads this long post .
Now , I am aware that it cannot be diagnosed until much later as lots of the symptoms mirror toddler behaviour but I’d like to ask for the unbiased opinion / share experiences with other toddler’s mums . My little one just turned 2 ( 25 months ) and she is my first . She has tons of words and uses them to get what she wants , lots of 2/3 word combination . She eats and sleeps well and , although shy ( only child ) , she did engage in a ball game a couple of days ago with another little girl by tossing and kicking the ball between each other . She is perfectly able to follow 2 step instructions and mimics everything. Both good expressive and receptive language .

1. she asks for food
2. If I ask pick up the glass and put it on / under the table she does it .
3. She asks questions like where’s daddy ? What’s that ? What’s that sound?
4. She answers questions : what color is the ball ? What’s /where’s that ?
5. She recognises herself in the mirror and us in pictures
6. When holding a big and small object she can identify the correct size .

She doesn’t hit , kick or bite ( so far ) , plays appropriately with toys and when she is in a bit of a mood she runs towards her teddy and hugs it ( she doesn’t get destructive or hurt herself ) . She sits for lunch and dinner . When she has a tantrum always ends within 5 minutes and seeks comfort . What concerns me is :

1. if I’d take her to do circle time she wouldn’t join ever . She would watch from afar / next to me .
2. She wouldn’t sit still to read a book at the library but prefers to explore . Yet she sits happily at home drawing .
3. She is highly anxious ( so I am ) in the way that she sobs and gasp for air when scared .
4. She has a memory of steel . She remembers where a bit of purple fluff that she found a while back was

She has always slept through the night from 7 to 6.30 since 12 months and eats fairly well , Any of these red flags rings a bell please ? There is no family history of ASD but obviously no one knows for certain and , from what I can tell , there is no quirkiness so I’d like to know how asd can develop when not genetic ? I am aware of environmental exposure but I have had a textbook pregnancy and was never exposed to anything harmful ☺️ I know that Asperger doesn’t exist anymore since 2013 as a separate diagnosis but , from what I was told by professionals, AS doesn’t present with any communication delays , just social delays and repetitive/ rigidity interests , alongside with food sensitivity and emotional outbursts . Where do we draw the line between asd and personality traits ?

Exactly this

He was diagnosed with ASD with demand avoidance, sensory and sleep challenges.
We were told that once he is diagnosed they don’t offer any ongoing support. We tried to get an adhd diagnosis and were told it was just part of his asd and meds wouldn’t be appropriate.
Many people I know have had very similar situations.

My son is now 8 and has never been to school. I was a teacher before and so I knew he wouldn’t cope. We have been back again several times to the GP concerned about his aggression and self harm. Nothing has ever come of it.

However a friends son, the same age, is in school. He has a 1:1 and is mainly educated separately from his classmates. He is on adhd meds.

Very happy to offer any other personal experience. I grew up with a brother and cousin with autism.
I worked in a SEND school during my career.

What do you think is concerning you most about your child?

I guess I don’t know exactly where she should be in terms of language and social skills . There is a lot on the internet and I get that there are some families who have had a very linear and typical language development but flew under the radar until school started . Autism as always been there but sometimes it becomes apparent only later and not in the first years . Just because my child passes the ASQ and the social and emotional questionnaire doesn’t mean anything ( that’s what I was told )

Again these kind words are really helping me . I hope you and your family are happy .
in general my daughter can adapt to new things well but she is very cautious at first and tends to act out if fearful . for example if she wants to go left and we have to go right she tends to whinge a lot . She seems to like routine very much .

Honestly you need to step back and stop pushing this on your very young child.
Claiming autism because your just turned 2 year old can’t always use cutlery and wants to walk in her own direction? Or because she wasn’t having back and forth conversations at 18 months?! This isn’t being obsessed with routine, it’s just being a toddler and resisting authority.
You need to spend more time with 2 year olds and learn what is age appropriate behaviour.
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But again - so what?! You can't be prescribed a pill for autism prevention. She's nowhere near school so doesn't need any extra academic assistance. Cross that bridge when you come to it.

You really really need to stop looking up autism on the internet. Consider doing a digital detox - it might help you a lot.

I suspect you're getting a lot of information from tiktok or Instagram. The algorithm has spotted you click on content about autism signs in toddlers and so is presenting you with more content like that. These are not good information sources.

At the moment, your child is developing perfectly normally. You have been told this by multiple medical practitioners.

There is no need to be concerned about her flying under the radar at two. Early intervention doesn't exist in the UK anyway and is not of proven value.

What you need to do for your daughter is get off the internet, get some help for your anxiety, and start enjoying the lovely little girl you have

I can fully accept the pressure we have to do as much as we can for our kids but I think your toddler sounds like their acting very typical for their age.

I don’t know about you, but I do get a lot of “early signs of autism” type of tik tok videos or Instagram reels, is this what’s causing you so much anxiety? If so it might be time to step back from social media and just enjoy your LO who sounds like a lovely child.

I spent a lot of time when my eldest was a toddler worrying he was autistic, there where lots of little subtle signs

He would never have been diagnosed and no one else noticed anything

It wasn't until he was 7 that a teacher first noticed anything, he's just had his diagnosis at 9

And... All that time spent worrying was still completely wasted time, it won't change anything and nothing you've written is enough to warrant assessment yet.

Just let them be, they'll either be autistic or they won't. If they are it will become more obvious when they are older and you can get the ball rolling

Oh and my NT younger kid didn't say more than 5 words until he turned two!

Yes I agree , all the time wasted was and still is a waste of time .
may I ask , what did the teacher notice? Did You receive any support

It is not a matter of me not wanting to put her into nursery . It is that I can’t atm

@Toddlermama123 do you go to groups like Playgroup/Stay and Play.
Rhyme Time at your library?
Do you have play dates with other toddlers?

She sounds like a normal 2 year old.

Whilst autism is a spectrum you do understand that "normal" is a spectrum too don't you?

If you are constantly looking for signs you likely will find some due to bias.

As multiple PP have said - get yourself help.

You're missing the point. That poster isn't saying ' I wasted so much time not knowing my child was autistic', she's saying 'worrying about it was a waste of time as it didn't change anything'.

Stop trying to pathologise your child's normal 2 year old behaviour before you damage her, and get help for the person who actually needs it, which is you.

Your toddler sounds completely normal. Wanting to turn left when you want to go right is exactly what toddlers do. Liking routine is normal, toddlers love security and knowing what's going to happen next makes them feel secure. Talking to herself is normal. Repeating words over and over is normal.

What's not normal is your obsession that she's autistic. What's not normal is you expecting support. I find your posts deeply offensive. My DD is autistic and I can assure you there is NO support. Diagnosis is given and you're sent on your way.

So what exactly are you looking for? Special treatment? Funding? Sympathy?

All your talk about 'flying under the radar' is so utterly ridiculous. She's 2! Girls flying under the radar is referring to years and years of NOTHING being noticed. Girls fly under the radar because they CAN communicate, they CAN model NT behaviour. Girls often have late ASD diagnosis because they're finally exhausted from copying and modelling the behaviour around them.

Expecting an ASD diagnosis for a 2 year old who is displaying typical toddler behaviour is laughable at best and deeply offensive at worst. You talk about an ASD diagnosis as if it's the most catastrophic thing that can happen. Your DD is your DD regardless of an ASD diagnosis.

Your GP has told you there are no issues. Your HV has told you there are no issues. Just stop.

It sounds like you really need some support for your mental health op. Please go to the gp

I feel so, so sorry for your daughter. You're absolutely obsessing about this, there's no doubt that this is having an effect on her.

For your daughters sake please stop. Get help. This isn't right.

What difference does it make if she is autistic ? What will you do differently right now?

There's a reason autism without accompanying LD or speech delay is diagnosed later, it's that in toddlerhood a wide range of behaviours that in hindsight are signs of autism are not uncommon in typically developing toddlers.

With autism the gap grows. At 2 my son showed many more signs than your daughter, he had delayed speech, didn't respond to his name, totally uninterested in other children, didn't join in at groups. I had suspicions but I wasn't sure. By four before diagnosis I was saying he is autistic to explain, the gap grew. Now eight he is autistic enough I don't know if independent living is in his future

When my son got his diagnosis I used my verbally advanced, apparently social 4yo daughter as the comparison in his assessment, she could ask why questions (he only did that recently) she had social interest (he still doesn't) but at six she is also waiting for assessment. More able than him in many ways the gap has grown and the subtler difficulties she has have become more and more obvious.
If she is autistic it wouldn't have helped her being diagnosed at two anymore than it would have helped my son. Sometimes wait and see is the best option

I am not asking for a diagnosis either here or by a professional. I was merely trying to understand how, nowadays, the spectrum being so wide, it doesn’t matter anymore if you meet the milestones and if you are interested in other kids . I am aware that masking plays an important role in school years mostly for girls . That being said when you have good functional and expressive linguistic and social skills the line becomes so fuzzy and you can’t be sure of anything . I am not entirely sure how all these questionnaires are helpful ( maybe they just identify those situations in need of more support )

OP your 2 year old is not masking. A 2 year old isn't capable of masking.

Stop looking for neurodivergence and worrying about fuzzy lines and wide spectrums.

Get help for your anxiety.

You are a very concerning (I don’t mean concerned) parent. You want this child to have a diagnosis. Why?

This, the obsession with a diagnosis is worrying.

Agree with everyone else that worrying sign is you, not her.