Mom and toddler

[Toddlermama123]

Thanks to anyone who reads this long post .
Now , I am aware that it cannot be diagnosed until much later as lots of the symptoms mirror toddler behaviour but I’d like to ask for the unbiased opinion / share experiences with other toddler’s mums . My little one just turned 2 ( 25 months ) and she is my first . She has tons of words and uses them to get what she wants , lots of 2/3 word combination . She eats and sleeps well and , although shy ( only child ) , she did engage in a ball game a couple of days ago with another little girl by tossing and kicking the ball between each other . She is perfectly able to follow 2 step instructions and mimics everything. Both good expressive and receptive language .

1. she asks for food
2. If I ask pick up the glass and put it on / under the table she does it .
3. She asks questions like where’s daddy ? What’s that ? What’s that sound?
4. She answers questions : what color is the ball ? What’s /where’s that ?
5. She recognises herself in the mirror and us in pictures
6. When holding a big and small object she can identify the correct size .

She doesn’t hit , kick or bite ( so far ) , plays appropriately with toys and when she is in a bit of a mood she runs towards her teddy and hugs it ( she doesn’t get destructive or hurt herself ) . She sits for lunch and dinner . When she has a tantrum always ends within 5 minutes and seeks comfort . What concerns me is :

1. if I’d take her to do circle time she wouldn’t join ever . She would watch from afar / next to me .
2. She wouldn’t sit still to read a book at the library but prefers to explore . Yet she sits happily at home drawing .
3. She is highly anxious ( so I am ) in the way that she sobs and gasp for air when scared .
4. She has a memory of steel . She remembers where a bit of purple fluff that she found a while back was

She has always slept through the night from 7 to 6.30 since 12 months and eats fairly well , Any of these red flags rings a bell please ? There is no family history of ASD but obviously no one knows for certain and , from what I can tell , there is no quirkiness so I’d like to know how asd can develop when not genetic ? I am aware of environmental exposure but I have had a textbook pregnancy and was never exposed to anything harmful ☺️ I know that Asperger doesn’t exist anymore since 2013 as a separate diagnosis but , from what I was told by professionals, AS doesn’t present with any communication delays , just social delays and repetitive/ rigidity interests , alongside with food sensitivity and emotional outbursts . Where do we draw the line between asd and personality traits ?

Some of the words here are just a very sad reflection of what a sort of a world we live in. Thanks to everybody who had kind words

Many people who are concerned about your obsession with your toddler being autistic are parents of ND children themselves. We have replied in good faith over your multiple threads/name changes. You still continue to post the same things every month. Your child may or may not be autistic, but your constant posting on MN looking for an internet diagnosis - rather than following the path the rest of us have in recognising traits, getting years of assessments in place until they eventually get a diagnosis - suggests you are just looking for validation rather than longterm help.

If you’re truly concerned, you will put your child in a nursery or preschool and let people see her interact socially from an outside point of view. Many children with little or no traits likes your daughter will not be assessed until they start displaying themselves in settings that make them more apparent. This is often not until reception, so if that’s not possible for your situation then all you can do is hold back. And absolutely get help with how intense you’ve become about this.

Go to your GP, not for your DD but for yourself. It's not healthy looking for problems which aren't even there.

@Toddlermama123 people are actually trying to help you, and your child. Not agreeing with you isn't being unkind. If strangers on the internet can see that your behaviour isn't healthy, maybe consider that they might have a point.

OP I agree with this and I would also add that MN is usually pretty quick to jump to ND as a reason for many things and even here most are saying that your concerns are unfounded

I'm concerned for your child. You should be enjoying her, not scrutinising her like a lab rat. Nobody can tell you at 2 that she definitely does not have autism so let. It. Go.

It depends on the questionnaires surely as to how useful they are. And really the spectrum isn’t that wide, what is wide is the range of normal in very young children. The range of normal in older children and adults is much narrower.

A 2yo just joining words, with minimal social interest in other children, who has long ‘tantrums’, who seems easily scared of everything, who likes to spin and flaps their hands, who isn’t doing much imaginative play beyond pouring ‘tea’ into a toy cup could be autistic or they could be at one end of the wide range of normal. You could refer for an assessment and a skilled assessor might pick it up but they might not. There’s a poster on here whose severely autistic teenager who needs 2:1 now was accepted into private school at the 3+ assessment, their passionate interest in words and numbers and hyperlexia disguised their social-communication deficits.

A four year old with no back and forth conversation despite an excellent vocabulary, who has no social interest in other children, is very anxious, who has long tantrums, who spins and flaps their hands and has no imaginative play likely merits an assessment and is much more likely to be diagnosed

If you’re questioning whether the spectrum is real, whether autism is just made up or diagnosed based on normal behaviours being pathologised then you’re wrong. It’s true that 10 two year olds may exhibit the same behaviour and only one may be diagnosed with autism. It is the persistence of these behaviours and how age typical they are that makes parents question autism, You really do just have to wait

As an autistic parent of an autistic child I do question how much we should be neuro affirming and cater to autism and how much old fashioned, being forced into getting on with it had benefits. However the latter also had significant negatives in terms of long term mental and physical health.

I think you should ask yourself why you care whether your daughter has autism? Why it matters whether her normal behaviours are early signs of autism or normal toddler behaviours. Why does it matter? If she is autistic then it will become apparent and if she is not then you’ve wasted years worrying about it.

Sorry op I didn’t mean to come across as unkind at all. I think that you are obviously very preoccupied by your daughter. Do you have any hobbies? Do you work? What does your daughter’s dad say about this?

Hi
I am going to take all your suggestions on board and come off social media for a while . My only goal for this post was hopefully to get some insight on how the spectrum presents more subtly . I heard of so many posts and parents whose kid developed normally and then , in reception , things changed . That was less clear to me as autism doesn’t just spring into action , it has always been there . I also think that the reason why so many professionals, including neurologists misses it it is because the classic definition of autism doesn’t apply to everyone anymore , just think about the etymology of the word . No one thought your child could be autistic if he was social and engaging a while back ( still gets overlooked now ) . So the spectrum has become wider . My mother has worked with people who were diagnosed as Asperger and once the label was taken away they felt lost and confused as if they didn’t belong in the same category as autistic people . Many , as kids , never experienced delays in communication , just the social aspect was a struggle to them and even now there is magic bullet for improving that aspect , it will come and change with time . My brother in law is a perfect example . He was “diagnosed “ Asperger in his teens but didn’t have a label as such as he felt like he didn’t need it . When talking about it , he always said he felt different from his peers but never compromised his day to day life . I certainly don’t consider the spectrum a catastrophe . My BIL has a family of his own and a good life .
Again a massive thank you to all who have used kind words and suggestions .

Enjoy your daughter while she is young, they soon grow up.

The spectrum only presents subtly to people who don't know as much as they think they do. Those that genuinely do know can see it a mile off. In my experience it's always very obvious to the professionals, even if they don't say it. They won't say until they've tested, but truth is, they're not testing to see if the child/person has autism, they're testing to confirm what they already know.

Honestly your posts are the only sad ones!! How are you still missing that?

No red flags there. Children aren't all identical perfect little beings, some are shy, some are over friendly. Count your blessings as from what you have written you have a lovely child who is developing amazingly well. That could change if she picks up on your anxiety, overanalysing and pathologising of her typical behaviours. Relax.