Crying over children’s behaviour at work

[Themanuscript]

I’ll preface this by saying there are some wonderful parents out there who parent beautifully with and without limited means and raise lovely, well mannered children and I’ve encountered many over my 13 years experience of nurseries/nannying and schools.

But after the past 5 years, I think I’m finally going to walk away from the childcare industry. I’ve just walked in to the house after being tearful the whole way home and broke down after another day of sheer abuse from the children I nanny. No matter how well I teach and model behaviour, parents are not backing it up. Modern work/life balance is so bad that parents are giving into their children out of guilt and creating children that are unpleasant to be around. There should be no such thing as an unpleasant child! I should not be being hit for not giving them more sweets after they’ve had treats all night because they’ve screamed at me for not originally giving in and their parents have come out of the home office and given in to keep them quiet, undermining me in the process. I should not be having water thrown at me for telling them not to hit eachother in the bath. I should not be looked in the eye while telling a child an instruction or not to hurt another child for them to smirk and not listen and just walk away. These are primary aged children and I’m being shouted at constantly because they aren’t being taught ‘no’ at all.

I’ve worked with disadvantaged children who have come from foster care, poverty and abusive households and none of those children ever treated me as bad as the middle class KS1/2 children in beautiful homes who never go without.

Today an 8 year old child was asked what they wanted for dinner, I made said dinner which they decided they didn’t want and because I would not make an entirely different meal they threw it on the floor and later jumped on me full body weight while we’re sat on the couch. Meanwhile I’ve come home to an empty fridge and bank account and they have no idea how fortunate they are.

this isn’t an isolated thing. Like I said previously, this is 80% of the children in past 5 years. I spend all week trying To instil good behaviour, they don’t see me for 2 days over the weekend and it’s back on to square one on Monday

AIBU to walk away from working with children at all? I expect age appropriate challenging behaviour but I am sick of being abused all evening long every single day.

I was about to say the same thing

Only have to read some comments to understand the generation of children being bought up with no discipline boundaries or respect. No wonder teachers nurseries can't find staff not just for monetary reasons either

While this behaviour is disgusting and completely unacceptable I do think we’ve created it as a society by placing far far too much pressure on both parents to be away from the home. I don’t know a single person now who could afford to not have both mum and dad working. The result is basically parents who are almost completely absent all week and then feel bad about everything when they are there. This isn’t an excuse, but I can see why this dynamic then occurs. The amount of very young children who are in nursery from 8-6 five days a week is shocking. Then we’re surprised when they don’t turn out to be well behaved balanced kids

If you are only seen as worth minimum wage, and only for a couple hours a day, then no wonder there’s no respect from anyone in the family (parents included).

and with that I’m leaving the thread.

Sorry that wasn’t meant in that way, but can see how it reads like that - I meant that she’s being paid UNDER that as self employed, and not given a full contract and her skills and experience are worth so much more. As in no one should be paid under minimum wage without holiday allowance etc.

She is being underpaid for her role which shows the family clearly don’t respect her as they should.

Genuinely written wrongly - I apologise!

I meant that the family are seriously undervaluing your skill set as your hourly rate is below minimum wage if you count pension, holidays etc. no one should be expecting you to work below NMW.

I meant that the FAMILY aren’t giving you the respect you deserve (and therefore not supporting your boundaries, making sure your safe etc).

I was trying to say you are worth more in terms of job security, hours, holiday allowance and AT LEAST NMW.

I just think it’s a sign this particularly family sounds horrible and that you’ll be able to find somewhere better if you set your expectations.

anyway, sorry to have offended on this point - wasn’t my intention at all!

What a load of BS. Every child I know who’s <10yrs has moments of outbursts, irrationality and poor behaviour. If you don’t experience that, fine, but my family and I aren’t part of the ‘problem’ and my children are perfectly developmentally normal.

Kids were terrors decades ago when most women were at home.

Why do people think children were angels before? I volunteer at a youth group and the behaviour of the kids there (6-8) doesn’t correlate whether their mum works or not. In fact, one of the most hyper has a SAHM.

Kids are at school from 8.30-3.15 (or similar) so the vast majority of their waking hours are spent being disciplined outside of their immediate family anyway.

Some of the little shits on my estate live in households where neither parent works

My best friend is a primary teacher and confirms what you are saying. Since Covid children are more feral and many more severe issues. It was predictable. This harmed many children during their most sensitive developmental years. You don’t get a re do

Listen to me. Teaching Assistant for 9 years, Teacher for 7 years, Safeguarding Governor and officer for 8 years. Qualified behaviour analyst and most important of all, mother of two.

ALL behaviour is communication. They want their parents attention and they simply aren't getting it. Your job is to set firm boundaries that are pre-agreed with parents, in addition to said parents NOT stepping in and undermining you. Middle class or working class, it makes no difference; some people just do not have time for their children in a variety of ways.

Set the boundaries and limit their choices eg, it's this or that, no sweets before dinner etc. This is your job and livelihood - and you need to work for people who respect exactly that, whilst simultaneously allowing you to build effective relationships with their children.

If not, do yourself a favour: protect your well-being and leave.

What an absolute shower of bastards they all are. I am so sorry, OP