AIBU - house purchase with partner

[Whatshouldidoinlife]

Hi all
Just wanted thoughts.

Partner and I want to purchase a house together.
purchase price £700,000.

I own a house and my partner rents.
My partner would pay stamp duty in region of £25-£30k.

I would put down my equity in house as deposit and ring fence that percentage of property of price and the remaining percentage would be split 50/50.

I would pay an early exit mortgage fee and the estate agent fees (around £6k).

My partner earns 3 x as I do.

If we put in our salary percentage wise -70/30 to my partner and shared the rest of the equity (bar my deposit) 50/50 does that sound like a fair deal?

Have I missed something or do I need to consider anything else?
I want to be fair to myself and him.

Thanks. I had read the post but I wanted OP to spell it out again.

Because it seems to me that OP is the one being grabby.

First having ring fenced her deposit she wants 50% of the equity while only paying 30% of the mortgage.

Then when someone suggests they buy a house for £600k, her deposit is her half and the partner gets a mortgage for his share her immediate reaction is does that mean she only pays half the bills. Well no, when 1.5 of the household relates to the partner (him and half their shared child) and 3.5 to her, ie including the kids who are only hers, she should be paying more than half the bills, for food and utilities (assuming her DCs are going to want showers, the bigger house with bigger bills is for her DCs to have nicer rooms etc).

Yes her deposit means they could buy the house, but that doesn't mean she gets preferential treatment on everything else.

I agree the OP seems grabby

i put the scenario on here because I wanted to know everyone's thoughts. If grabby is how I sound I'll take it. The reason why I have said 50:50 of bills because that is what he is insisting on but I don't want to hedge my bets and agree for myself to be lumbered with all the costs if he changes his mind. My experience have made me really hesitant to invest in anyone. But I could be be unreasonable. Again hence this post.

No. Just the youngest.

You do not seem "grabby" at all. He has not got a deposit to buy a family home for himself, let alone for the child he has with you. You are facilitating that, and he may well pay more of the mortgage, but if you split the bills equally it will take decades for his increase in mortgage payments to reach even with your £300,000 deposit! "Grabby?" Really? I'd say you're caution is savvy...

@Whatshouldidoinlife if he earns so much, why has he saved so little?

Sounds incredibly messy. What happens if you break up and you need to sell to get the money but he doesn't so won't sell and wants to sit on it til the market improves? What if you want to sell in order to fund getting a mortgage somewhere else and having a family with someone else and he doesn't?

Don't buy a house with friends as you may find you have differing long term life goals that clash. If you buy with a partner then make them an equal partner as they would be in a marriage. I'm afraid the only real way to do this is to get married. Since you both haven't, don't buy with him. Keep your existing asset in your name only.

You have 3 children to provide housing for.

Men walk away all the time and do.
You need to prepared for worst case scenario not best.
Don't be one of those women kicking themselves for being cavalier with their childrens home.
They deserve better from you than that.

Men walk out the door all the time.

He has not got a deposit to buy a family home for himself, let alone for the child he has with you

How do you know this? The OP wants a 4 bed home (she states she wants a room each for her children). Her dp would need at most a 2bed flat for him and his child. He has 30k to put down as a deposit and, contrary to the MN narrative, its entirely possible to buy a 2bed flat or small home with a 30k deposit in vast swathes of the UK.

Sounds messy but I agree with paying a percentagecof your income.

My DP earns more than me and he puts more than me into the joint account thatcoays the mortgage/bills/shopping etc..

Works for us. He knows he couldn't have had his career (works away lots) if I'd not gone part-time to be with our children. I'm not paying the same as him otherwise I'd have no money each month.

It's a fairly recent job. Last 15 months

The numbers are the facts in this thread: he does not have the deposit for a "family home", which for OP is a £700,000 house. OP is not buying a 2 bed flat so that example is irrelevant.

Yes but he doesn't need a deposit for a family home. He has only a need to house himself and his daughter. The fact that, as you point out, he couldn't afford the large house alone is irrelevant. He has no need for a large family home. Only the OP does (and even then, it's a want not need).

Just to clarify he is wants to live with me and my girls - he can't yet afford his own place in the town we live. If we don't live together my current house is big enough for my small family. I'm only considering buying a house with him because I don't want him to move into my house as it's my mortgage and don't want it complicated.

When we moved in my DP had a lot more deposit and earned 2/3x as much as me. We ringfenced his deposit (with agreement that he would get that back if we split and sold the house - can't quite remember the deal if it sold for less) and shared the stamp duty and purchase costs. We then owned 50/50 and the mortgage payment came out of a joint account that we have contributed to differently as situation has changed (firstly proportional to salary which initially meant he paid more but then I did when he retrained and over the past couple of years equally which firstly left him with more disposable income than me and more recently I have more). Repairs and renovations we have always shared equally. I don't think I would have been happy to share his sale costs if he'd had them. I think you should share the stamp duty and enable him to put in some deposit and then discuss the mortgage payments and if they come from a joint account and how that is paid into which I think it is fair if it is proportional to salary or if not then maybe get a cheaper house?

OP this patently isn't in your best interests at all.

Why not try a full lodger agreement on a rolling 30 day contract and see how it goes.

Drawn up by a solicitor.
Protect your childrens home.

Yes, just have him live with you as a lodger until your early repayment period finishes. If you are still getting on well living under one roof and want extra space, then consider a move then.

If you haven’t lived together already there’s no way buying a house together is the right option especially having two unrelated children in the mix.

Do you earn less because you took time off to have his child and/or work part time for childcare purposes?

I don't think you sound grabby. You have everything to lose here, and whilst he is putting in more financially each month - you are putting in more and accepting all of the risk. There is no risk to him.

In 15 months, surely if he can pay that much of a mortgage of that size he has a chunk of savings now, or is that what he is putting down as stamp duty? In which case he came to the relationship as an adult man without a bean?

If I were you, I would get your finances in order for you current house, move him in with you to see how it goes. Get him to pay bills and a nominal rent. You should both be better off. He puts the money he saves into a house fund and you do the same on the "rent" portion of what he pays you.

Reassess in a year and he should have more money to put down. If he doesn't I'd be questioning where its going.

Yes but it sounds like he WANTS to be in the larger house with her and the three kids, and that is what the thread is about.

Moving him into your home will get complicated, that's "beneficial rights" territory, which is really muddy.

You could "live together apart", I hear a lot of people are trying it and liking (with or without kids), then he can buy/rent his own place, and you keep yours. The kids have two homes with parents still in a loving relationship. It'll save a packet on buying costs, and lets be honest (she says climbing into the trench and awaiting male fire) women who cohabit with men take on most of the emotional and domestic labour in the home, whilst still holding down jobs (that is statistically backed, not just me having a whinge) – what is in it for you to run a big home with a man in it? The argument that it's better for the kids, falls so short when they get to watch you arguing over his nose hair in the sink 24/7.

This is the best way, in my opinion.

Yes, he'll have more disposable income than you, but as you are not married, this seems fairest. If you both agree to him to paying a bigger percentage, then you need to agree that he will have a bigger percentage of the equity if you split.

Just for clarity we have lived together best part of 4 years (since 2020). He moved out 6 months ago for work and stays weekly at my place. When we lived together we split the bills 50/50 at his request.

He has no savings prior to meeting us as he was in a low paid job and his ex and him had racked up a lot of debt in their 17 year marriage to which they couldn't save and he said he took ok the debt which eh paid off after their separation.