Page 4 | AIBU - house purchase with partner

Whatshouldidoinlife · 2025-03-04T09:41:14+00:00

Hi all Just wanted thoughts. Partner and I want to purchase a house together. purchase price £700,000. I own a house and my partner rents. My partner would pay stamp duty in region of £25-£30k. I would put down my equity in house as deposit and ring fence that percentage of property of price and the remaining percentage would be split 50/50. I would pay an early exit mortgage fee and the estate agent fees (around £6k). My partner earns 3 x as I do. If we put in our salary percentage wise -70/30 to my partner and shared the rest of the equity (bar my deposit) 50/50 does that sound like a fair deal? Have I missed something or do I need to consider anything else? I want to be fair to myself and him.

Floofle · 04/03/2025 11:34

Personally if you don't want to marry I would ask if that's in general, or just with this man?
Can you wait and buy a house on your own in a few years?

Soooooooverthisnow · 04/03/2025 11:37

You also need to think agree what happens if you split up and end up selling for less than what you paid. Do you get the full £300k back then he suffers 70% of the mortgage shortfall. Or is the mortgage shortfall 50/50? Or does your £300k get reduced by the percentage reduction in sale price?

Original poster

Whatshouldidoinlife · 04/03/2025 11:42

For those asking it will always be in percentages, whether it goes up in value or down. Not fixed amounts.

OP posts:

Snapncrackle · 04/03/2025 11:49

My son put in 100k Deposit & ringfenced it by deed of trust

no SD as both FTB
they are on the deeds as 50-50
and both pay 50 -50 bills / mortgage

ChateauMargaux · 04/03/2025 12:21

It is challenging and most people get into a mess if they separate ....

You put down £280K - that is a significant amount of money which would appreciate if you kept it in your own property, but may appreciate more in this larger property (that doesn't always hold). Your 40% of the property will be fully paid by your deposit, while eventually, his X% of the property will cost much more as he will have to pay interest. You could work towards 50/50 ownership by you paying 16% of the mortgage, which would, over the term of the mortgage, buy you 10% an additional of the house, while your partner buys 50%.

He benefits from your large deposit - without which he would not be able to buy. You benefit from his ability to get and pay for, a larger mortgage, without which, you would not be able to have a larger house.

What if you renovate - who pays for that? Is that assumed to add value to the house and therefore should be repaid out of the profits / equity before the share associated with the capital? Who decides what is maintenance and what is improvement?

The salary differences are going to be a question / issue in every area of spending, whether it is bills, food, holidays etc. Do you have children? Are they shared or were they born before you got together?

The seesaw between 'I fund your lifestyle' and 'You are spending money while watching me count my pennies' can be tricky when there is a disparity in income - it is a tricky ride, one that requires openness, honesty, respect and understanding.

JimHalpertsWife · 04/03/2025 12:23

Whatshouldidoinlife · 04/03/2025 10:56

But not everyone wants to marry. I don't. I've been financially stung before so am protecting myself.

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If you don't want (and its not for everyone) the financial security that comes with marriage, then you keep it all separate and go 50/50 on all costs. Deposits ringfenced of course.

Original poster

Whatshouldidoinlife · 04/03/2025 12:33

ChateauMargaux · 04/03/2025 12:21

It is challenging and most people get into a mess if they separate ....

You put down £280K - that is a significant amount of money which would appreciate if you kept it in your own property, but may appreciate more in this larger property (that doesn't always hold). Your 40% of the property will be fully paid by your deposit, while eventually, his X% of the property will cost much more as he will have to pay interest. You could work towards 50/50 ownership by you paying 16% of the mortgage, which would, over the term of the mortgage, buy you 10% an additional of the house, while your partner buys 50%.

He benefits from your large deposit - without which he would not be able to buy. You benefit from his ability to get and pay for, a larger mortgage, without which, you would not be able to have a larger house.

What if you renovate - who pays for that? Is that assumed to add value to the house and therefore should be repaid out of the profits / equity before the share associated with the capital? Who decides what is maintenance and what is improvement?

The salary differences are going to be a question / issue in every area of spending, whether it is bills, food, holidays etc. Do you have children? Are they shared or were they born before you got together?

The seesaw between 'I fund your lifestyle' and 'You are spending money while watching me count my pennies' can be tricky when there is a disparity in income - it is a tricky ride, one that requires openness, honesty, respect and understanding.

Thankyou for such a thoughtful reply.

There are children in the mix. 1 ours 2 mine from a. Previous relationship. Hence the need for a bigger house. I imagine the scenario to be my deposit ring ended as a percentage - everything else 30/70
due to incomes.
i imagine if we had a pot where we contribute 30/70 of our wages to cover mortgage and bills and indeed any over payments and maintenance on house moving forward. And upon split it would be my ring fenced percentage to me and the rest of equity 70/30 to my partner.

OP posts:

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 04/03/2025 12:37

Whatshouldidoinlife · 04/03/2025 10:56

But not everyone wants to marry. I don't. I've been financially stung before so am protecting myself.

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Then don't make the biggest purchase of your life with someone who could leave you tomorrow.

JimHalpertsWife · 04/03/2025 12:40

Whose are the two other children?

Tiswa · 04/03/2025 12:44

I would ring fence deposit and then have the remainder as tenants in common so in relation to the mortgage payments

it should be easy enough with proper legal advice to protect your deposit and then reflect the mortgage payments

this also allows for separate wills to be had in terms of inheritance

PrincessofWells · 04/03/2025 12:45

If your partner is happy, you should ring fence your deposit in percentage terms and own the property in percentage terms relevant to the deposit by way of a deed of trust. It's irrelevant who is paying what toward the mortgage, when you have children together you're a unit.

You have more to lose by this deal because you are giving up your own property to buy with someone who so far doesn't appear to have accumulated much in the way of capital or property. All the risk is yours.

rubberduck68 · 04/03/2025 12:46

Whatshouldidoinlife · 04/03/2025 10:56

But not everyone wants to marry. I don't. I've been financially stung before so am protecting myself.

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I hear that. If you don't want to be "financially stung" again, get a no-nup, it's just a pre-nup for the unmarried.

Tiswa · 04/03/2025 12:47

You don’t have to own it 50/50 or be joint tenants - I would say here with the blended nature and the children tenants in common makes sense and reflects what you want

Original poster

Whatshouldidoinlife · 04/03/2025 12:52

PrincessofWells · 04/03/2025 12:45

If your partner is happy, you should ring fence your deposit in percentage terms and own the property in percentage terms relevant to the deposit by way of a deed of trust. It's irrelevant who is paying what toward the mortgage, when you have children together you're a unit.

You have more to lose by this deal because you are giving up your own property to buy with someone who so far doesn't appear to have accumulated much in the way of capital or property. All the risk is yours.

Edited

I agree I feel the risk is mine which is why I needed advise ... it's so confusing to do right by everyone including myself

OP posts:

Tiswa · 04/03/2025 12:54

Then get proper legal advice @Whatshouldidoinlife to sort out a deed of trust and tenants in common

and get wills sorted as well

ThejoyofNC · 04/03/2025 12:55

Are you dead set on this particular property?

I would find a house for £600k. You pay for your half outright, he gets a mortgage for his half.

rubberduck68 · 04/03/2025 12:56

Tiswa · 04/03/2025 12:47

You don’t have to own it 50/50 or be joint tenants - I would say here with the blended nature and the children tenants in common makes sense and reflects what you want

Yes, you would have to be "tenants in common", my mum insisted on this with her partner, along with a will that stipulated he could only stay in the house for two years after her death, and then it had to be sold and the assets distributed according to the "tenants in common," with her half going to me, and the rest to him. So you know, after she died her ex claimed he'd paid more in terms of mortgage payments, but it didn't wash because bank statements showed that she'd put all the deposit down, and had paid equal in food and bills to his extra mortgage payments. Unfortunately for him my mum was an accountant and had kept tight books. Importantly, what was drawn up was set in stone.

rubberduck68 · 04/03/2025 12:57

ThejoyofNC · 04/03/2025 12:55

Are you dead set on this particular property?

I would find a house for £600k. You pay for your half outright, he gets a mortgage for his half.

This feels so clean, and is making me less nervous for the OP.

rubberduck68 · 04/03/2025 12:59

Whatshouldidoinlife · 04/03/2025 12:52

I agree I feel the risk is mine which is why I needed advise ... it's so confusing to do right by everyone including myself

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If he is hostile about you protecting your risk, that screams cock-lodger vibes, so please do not buy a house with him. Maybe rent a nice big house with him until you see his true colours, and invest your nest egg? I'm sure he's not the above, but just incase. Had too many friends burned by this.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 04/03/2025 12:59

Honestly, I wouldn't be selling up and buying with this person. You're already looking to 'what will happen when we split up' etc. Maybe being sensible, maybe your gut telling you that you're not convinced he's the long term partner you want.
Does your partner live in your home with you? How do bills work just now? Lots to think about and I'd be having a chat with a friend who knows you well, as well as a lawyer who can give decent legal advice in your situation.

Qwee · 04/03/2025 13:19

Why are you doing this?
Who benefits with you putting your childrens home and security at risk?
Certainly not your children?
Why would you dream of putting your home at any ridk for any man.

Let him buy a house for himself and you stay put.
Anything is madness.
Don't risk your childrens home.
So many women do and bitterly regret it.
Keep your home safe.
Blending is so so difficult.

FuckityFux · 04/03/2025 13:20

If he earns 3x your salary, why hasn’t he already bought a property?

Is he bad with money? Does he gamble?

autisticbookworm · 04/03/2025 13:27

I agree you should ring fence your deposit and split the stamp duty. If he earns 3x your salary I can't see the issue with 70/30 split of outgoings but agree if you split the profit (after your deposit should be 70:30.

Hankunamatata · 04/03/2025 13:40

Pay 70:30 until he has paid off 300k from the mortgage? Then remove ringfence?

Tiswa · 04/03/2025 13:45

I don’t get all the angst - a decent solicitor will be able to get her deposit safe and allow them to own different shares (if that is what they want) and means that those shares don’t automatically go to the other (which is also needed)

the OP and her partner need proper legal advice