DH annoyed at new neighbour ‘kiss’

[Niceeyes]

Just to start it wasn’t a full on ‘kiss’

we recently bought a new property and the neighbour came around to introduce himself, I answered the door (for context there is a resident association and he is the director and I had spoken to this man once before regarding the rules for the building) and he introduced himself and kissed me on both cheeks….
DH was in the hallway then went into the living room seething at what he saw.

I went into the living room afterwards abs ge said what the hell was that all about. That I was out if order letting a strange man kiss me and that I was disrespectful to him and that moving forward I have set the bar to this man.

i told him he’s being ridiculous and what was I supposed ti do.
we have been together 7 years and occasionally he shows this bad trait.

what do you think of my story? Aibu or is he??
hes given me the silent treatment for almost 24hrs now and he’s taken himself to the spare room

You've just bought a house with him?

Silent treatment like that is emotional abuse.

Silent treatment = 🚩

You’ve done nothing wrong.

His behaviour is appalling. It seems he thinks you’re his possession.

It was bad enough already before you then added that he hadn’t spoken to you for 24 hours AND was in the spare room.

It’s abusive and controlling. And it seems he has a history of this?

Ditch the husband.. He's got red flags all over him.

He is too jealous. I hate silent treatment. My ex did that for days even weeks on end.

I had no money then but if anyone did that now I’d go on a holiday without telling them.

If that wasn’t enough of a warning it’d be the end.

I must say I would not be happy if a complete stranger tried to kiss me, albeit on the cheek. I would have been stepping back if he'd tried to do that to me.

But of course your DH is out of order giving you the silent treatment. That is abuse.

Exactly! If I really loved you, you might make that mistake once. And once only. And after that it would be over.

Don't ever go to Europe with him

He would just keel over and die...

What an immature creep.

Cheek kisses are a standard greeting in many places of the world.

At best he's an idiot and at worst he's abusive.
Most European countries consider a normal greeting is a kiss on both cheeks or even left cheek, right cheek then back to left. He'd pop a blood vessel about that!
Silent treatment is cruel. Tell him if he can't communicate and get his jealousy under control then you're not sure you want to be with him after all.

Cheek kisses might be standard in a lot of places.
They are not standard in the circles I move in and I would find it an extreme invasion of my personal space if a stranger kissed me in greeting.

Thank you I don’t think I’d done anything wrong… lucky we don’t live in France 🇫🇷 🤣
i used to get anxiety over this behaviour now im of the idgaf kind of space

and he will ask me as usual ‘how long are ‘we’ going to keep up this argument’. So then I tell him how I feel, he says sorry and then I’m on eggshells incase anything similar happens … when I’m out walking my dog if I bump into my other old male neighbour I have to cut my walk short incase he thinks it was a planned walk

Just out of curiosity are you uncomfortable about it or is it a religious element .. what does it mean the circles you move in?

"moving forward I have set the bar to this man"

What does that even mean OP?

Air / cheek kisses don’t bother me in the slightest.

My husband also wouldn’t try to control my behaviour with sulking & silent treatment .. it’s on the edges of coercive control.

Cheek kisses are pretty normal where I live in London.

But then I used to live in Paris so maybe I brought back my filthy French habits. 😜. Actually in my Paris office, we used to ‘cheek kiss’ every day on both arrival and departure.

I’d be tempted to start cheek kissing the milkman and the postman @Niceeyes.

Trying to be light-hearted about this but actually I’m seething. You sure as hell shouldn’t be changing your behaviour because of HIS insecurities.

I know it’s upsetting … I’m probably the old you … I have money but not enough to go off on my own …
weird thing is, he showers me with gifts and I dint worry about anything financial BUT I’ve lost me.

Thank you for all your messages.. mumsnet girl power … sitting in tears but grateful for your company and advice

And in the spare bedroom he would stay. He sees you as a possession, he buys your compliance with gifts and uses silence to control you. And he's jealous.

Do you like him?

I'm
Guessing they are Portuguese- when you meet someone even stranger in a group of friends- men and women kiss once on each cheek. Not men and men. It took me awhile to get used to. Your DH is ridiculous

I do love him, he’s so lovely ‘most’ of the time, these jealousy’s are not often but then I probably don’t put myself in any positions to annoy him….

Ok, so he is jealous and controlling. Cut him loose.

Does your husband have a small winky, OP? He’s definitely acting like it. Little fragile ego has been dented.

As others have said, the silent treatment is a red flag.

So he sounds like a controlling, thick, abusive idiot - you appear to know that and yet I can't imagine that you'll leave him.

Why on earth spend your life 'walking on egg shells'? I certainly would not have moved into a new house with him.

Do you realise that you’re the classic frog in the blender? He’s trained you “not to put yourself in positions to annoy him”. He’s abusing you.

It's not religious.
I just have a highly developed sense of personal space. I don't like shaking hands either or the tradition of kissing people on the cheek at New Year. I don't like strangers standing too close.
Circles I move in = just means I don't generally come across people who use this form of greeting.