DH annoyed at new neighbour ‘kiss’

[Niceeyes]

Just to start it wasn’t a full on ‘kiss’

we recently bought a new property and the neighbour came around to introduce himself, I answered the door (for context there is a resident association and he is the director and I had spoken to this man once before regarding the rules for the building) and he introduced himself and kissed me on both cheeks….
DH was in the hallway then went into the living room seething at what he saw.

I went into the living room afterwards abs ge said what the hell was that all about. That I was out if order letting a strange man kiss me and that I was disrespectful to him and that moving forward I have set the bar to this man.

i told him he’s being ridiculous and what was I supposed ti do.
we have been together 7 years and occasionally he shows this bad trait.

what do you think of my story? Aibu or is he??
hes given me the silent treatment for almost 24hrs now and he’s taken himself to the spare room

Firstly, that was at least 7 years ago amd I wouldn't tolerate it because he shouldn't have started a relationship woth younif he had such severe baggage that he thinks its reasonable behaviour for a new partner to moderate their behaviour to handle his fragile ego.

Secondly, did she even cheat or is that just his perception? Because if you two broke up now, his next girlfriend won't be told its because he was possessive and stonewalled. She will get a version that puts you in a bad light rather than him. Perhaps you will be cast as a cheat.

Lastly, I had an ex that liked to do the silent treatment and in the end i played tit for tat. Chose to force myself to ignore him so that I wasn't "receiving" the silent treatment and when he went back to normal I'd then ignore him for at least the same amount of time because, at the time, I thought I was refusing to pla his game or be a toy he could pick up and put down as he felt like it. Obviously it wasn't a long term solution, hence Ex!

When I moved in to my last place I was greeted by my new neighbour who gave me a full body hug and a kiss on both cheeks! I do remember being taken aback!
Anyway he was a lovely man. DH thought it was funny at the time because he was not a weird controlling jealous sulker. He needs to understand this situation is a him problem.

Being 'continental' doesn't excuse the stranger. He shouldn't be touching/kissing you without your consent. Fuck off with that.

Your husband is also a problem. One chance at therapy for him while you make an exit strategy and if he doesn't sort himself out, he needs to go.

How would you feel if it was the other way around and it was an attractive woman kissing him in front of you?

Also did the neighbour ask if he could kiss you? If not that would be a massive red flag to me!

The silent sulking and you feeling so nervous about his reaction is a terrible way to live.

Because he has conditioned you. You need to leave him and live your life, not his version of your life.

DH doesn’t sound the full ticket.

He’s a twat. Give him a bloody good talking to. If he doesn’t stop this ridiculous behaviour and apologise quick sharp, he can pack his bags.

Why do so many women tolerate this sort of tyrannical behaviour?

I think it's wierd that a total stranger comes along & you kiss them WTF? That's behaviour for family or long standing close friends not some random.

But I also think your partners reaction is excessive.

Your dh is a twat. Kissing on the cheek is quite common in Europe even to people you have just met. I know in the Netherlands when I was introduced to my friend's friends/neighbours/staff in her local coffee shop they all cheeked kissed me.

You might want to read the OP, SHE didn't kiss them

@IhadaStripeyDeckchair You've intentionally pretended you misunderstood the OP just so that you can have a dig at her 🙄

OP you say this happened with two separate men?

Nobody here would get jealous over such a thing! But I personally would have been unpleasantly surprised if a neighbour (or anybody) did that to me.

Do you struggle with reading and comprehension?
OP posted: "and he introduced himself and kissed me on both cheeks…."
OP didn't kiss this man - HE kissed her - without her consent! The same behaviour that the Spanish professional footballer, Jenni Hermoso, was on the receiving end of by Luis Rubiales, for which he's lost his job and following a trial for sexual assault where he was found guilty, he has had to pay a 10,800 euro fine.
What is it about women like you who will blame the victim of sexual assault for what happened to her, instead of the perpetrator? Reprehensible attitude.

I agree strangers shouldn’t be touching, kissing you etc. I’d find it very creepy.

A neighbour did this to me and I stupidly let him as it was a first introduction in a new neighbourhood.

Next time I met him he did it again and also slipped his hand up my sleeve in a caress motion.

Thats when I pushed him off and told him not to do that again. He laughed it off. I didn’t.

I think some men do this for the power and then push it a little bit further each time.

Right out of the abusive controlling play book.

He's super lovely most of the time - but I bet on examination, he isn't super lovely, he is just the normal lovely everyone ought to be. It just FEELS lovely because he makes a performance of it, and in contrast to when he is awful... it feels very nice and a huge relief.

He is only like this IF you toe the line and are very careful not to upset him.

If you do upset him, and what might upset him will almost always be out of your control - like a neighbours greeting, bumping into a man on a dog walk and saying hi - he is a total cunt, and then gives you the silent treatment for hours or days on end.

When he eventually decides you've been punished enough he reframes the whole incident as an argument that you were equally at fault for, or even entirely at fault for and the resolution was always within your control.

Get out. This won't get better.

The OP is fine with this greeting though. It's her partner who is being ridiculous about it.

I know she is fine with it.
As I said in my first post on this thread he is being out of order with his reaction.

Please tell me you are being ironic @CosyLemur

That is one nasty abusive man you are married to.
Don't have children with him.
Get away from him.
Start planning.

Except that is not what happened. In the case you refer to, he kissed her on the lips, not the cheeks. He also didn't just 'peck'. He had his hands either side of her face and pulled her to him, and held the kiss. It is a very different thing to a continental style greeting.

The neighbour is not the problem here.

I would point out that he is punishing you for someone else's behaviour.

I have no idea what he expected you to do in that unexpected and unplanned for situation. Kicking off at a new neighbour isn't exactly a good start.

but OP isn't complaining about it.

Her ridiculous DH is complaining that another man dared to give his partner a perfectly normal greeting that she didn't mind about.

OP, get out as soon as you can and find someone much less juvenile.

I know OP is OK with cheek kissing!
I only observed in my original reply that I wouldn't have been!
I also said that her DH's reaction is out of order and agreed with the poster who pointed out that " silent treatment " is abusive behaviour.