DH did F'all all weekend

[holidayblues25]

I left on Saturday to do the weekly shop, and spend some time with my DD, yes it took me 4 hours, which was a bit longer than usual, but it wasn't like I went to the spa... DH said he had tons to do in the garden and would take things to the dump. AFAIK none of that happened, and he couldn't even walk the dog because our eldest wanted to come too, but DH didn't feel it was fair to leave the 5yo with the 12yo, fair enough.

Then on Sunday, he said he'd do bits around the house including the recycling, but instead he just walked the dog and that was it! I did all the laundry (being six of us it adds up) and cleared our bedroom as well as general cleaning and taking the trash out .

Now, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable because I think he should have done more. Forgot to mention he cooked dinners for both nights but neither were massive things ... One was egg fried rice and another one was burgers.

Your story sounds so familiar, to me.
I could have written it myself, if we had a dog, I could have.
Sometimes my DH is so productive, chugging alongside me, keeping up, getting things done, tackling other jobs that are waiting.
Other times? If I go out with my DD for a bit ( hour or two) he doesn't do anything.
Just sits around on his computer.
Then I play catch-up for the entire rest of the day, someone has to do it, right?
Maybe your DH just fancied a bit of a rest, trouble is, that doesn't happen much for us am I right?
If we don't do it, we do it X2 the next day.
At least he made something for you to eat, my DH will only cook eggs and toast.

The only times I have ever done a tip run or painted a room were when I was moving house. They're not things that need doing otherwise, as far as I can tell. Why would anyone paint a room instead of sitting down and relaxing instead?

Keeping on top of the cleaning tends to mean deep cleaning only rarely needs to happen.

I can't fathom why anyone would do 3 hours of housework at the weekend unless the house was a fixer-upper or in dire straits because you hadn't done any housework for a month. I don't think I did any housework at all this weekend - spent most of it playing sport, eating out, seeing friends and catching up on Severance. DP and I did spend a lot of Sunday cooking but I'm not sure that's really housework.

My housework goal is to spend as little time on it as possible. I think some people deliberately create it for themselves because they see sitting down and relaxing as morally objectionable.

But I know for a fact he didn't look after the kids! He was on the Peloton bike (which is fine!) and then likely sat on his phone the whole time.
Saturday is kind of OK with (although I still think maybe he could have found a way to walk the dog), I'm more mystified about Sunday, because I was at home with him, and never seemed to be doing anything.

Do dishes only get done at weekends??

So you went abroad for half term OP? That usually leads to a bit of lethargy afterwards I find.

Some do definitely! Especially those that need to be hand washed

Hey OP, can I suggest you try & implement a chore timetable from Mon - Fri. You both do 1 chore in the evening and rope the kids in too make it fun.

When my kids were of Primary School age me & my husband would get chores done throughout the week. This was all before I became ill. I would stay on top of ironing & washing through the week and he would stay on top of hoovering etc. Kids always knew they had to tidy toys away each night. Admittedly I had a 3 bed terrace and it was so easy to keep clean. We both worked full-time.

Our house is larger now and we have a dog but the family know what needs to get done so they do it.

I think if you just started doing 1 or 2 jobs in the evenings you wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed when it came to the weekend and you would begin to see that doing a little but often does make a difference to the household.

Very early on in my marriage I used to get annoyed that my husband would never know what needed to get done around the home and just never organised anything for us to go and do on the weekends before kids and after kids. It got to a point where I was frustrated and we sat down and he quite simply said he would much rather I tell him what needs to get done & that is our norm. Some people might say why doesn’t he know himself but again I believe these are life skills that should be taught by parents. His parents taught him nothing & he is nothing like the person I was married to at first. We both taught our kids and they know how to look after themselves & can run their own homes.

Just try & find a routine that works for you both. Don’t forget the kids need to be able to pick up after themselves too!

At first I thought - "there's no way anyone should be demanding 3 hours of 'housework' from me over the weekend. Weekends are for relaxing."
But actually 3 hours isn't much across the weekend. By the time I've hoovered a room, sat round for a bit, done some ironing, sat and watched something, cleaned a shower, sat and read some mumsnet, and so on, then 3 hours is easily doable without too much angst. I guess it's not a solid 3 hour stint as though on the shop floor.
I think neither of you ABU

Wishing you freedom and happiness when you decide to use it.

It sounds like your issue isn't him not doing stuff at the weekend, it's both of you letting things pile up. I can't imagine leaving used dishes or pots to stagnate on the side until Saturday comes round. That sounds disgusting, frankly! We have a rule that whoever cooks, the other one washes up, and it only takes ten minutes or so after a meal to tidy up – you should start doing it every night. Likewise wiping up stains or taking out the rubbish. If you do them as and when, you won't have so much to do at weekends.

@gannett you don't mention if you have kids? Small kids can very easily create three hours worth of housework and lots of clutter that needs taking to the tip.

I don't do any of these. We spent the weekend doing long walks on the beach, sitting in the park and relaxing.

No way would I spend 3 hours on the house every weekend. That's why we don't have a garden. Cleaning usually happens in the week. ( also got a cleaner recently).

This is madness. Just do a little bit everyday and weekends won't be so demanding.

We've tried all sort of things, we've had two whiteboards for chores, reminders, etc...

The reality is that by the time we finish dinner, clear the table, and get our son to bed, we really just want to "chill".

We've given up on the whole doing housework during the week, it just doesn't happen. Sometimes I also work into the evenings, so it's just not doable

I see you have a biggish house. This is why I downsized to a flat. I realise this is most people's idea of a nightmare but I love never having to garden or clean the conservatory roof or paint a room
I am not saying you have to do that but do you think you are getting too hung up on weekend cleaning.
Dishes left around for a week does not sound ideal.

He cooked egg-friend rice for dinner?

Was that the whole meal?

Why do you both need to do the bedtime routine with your son? One of the joys of having an only child is that you can team tag it far more easily than if you have two/three/more! We used to do exactly that with our DD.

Also, how old is your DC? Can they not to be roped into helping? From age eight ours was clearing the table and stacking and emptying the dishwasher.

But if you really can't be arsed to keep on top of things in the week, you can't really be grumpy with your DH for not wanting to do additional gardening/DIY at weekends if there's a massive tidy up to be done first just to get the place straight.

Who made you the boss of the house?? Honestly some weekends we do nothing too. You sound quite annoying. If he generally does stuff why are you getting worked up over one weekend? Sounds like there was a trip too, so let go and stop being so hard on everyone

It's my DH who does it. I do all the school runs and look after him when we get home. Which bleeds into working in the evenings. I sometimes like it, so I'm not complaining.

I didn't want him to do any extra gardening on DIY, just do any of the regular stuff.

The oldest sometimes clears the table but that's it.

Me too. It was wonderful. Spent most of the weekend scrolling on my phone and watching TV. So did husband and kids. House is kinda messy & I've got loads of laundry to do. It'll get done eventually.

What if you use a hand wash only dish on a Wednesday?

Depending on many variables it could be in the sink until Saturday. The earliest it would get washed would be Thursday pm

I find it far easier to wash up as we go. Being told to wash 4 day old dishes on a weekend would really annoy me.
Where I am Saturday was the first sunny day in a long time. I would have hated to spend it taking rubbish to the dump.
Walking the dog or taking the kids out would be fine. But also 4 hrs doing a shop? Why not just order online?

Honestly OP I really don’t know how you can leave dishes in the kitchen for Saturday?!

Before we go on holiday everything is cleaned and tidied away why because one thing we enjoy coming back to after a lovely holiday is a clean house. It’s almost like we have an extra couple of days to rest & recuperate before the rat race begins. The thought of coming back to a messy house gives me the chills.

The more you write OP the more it is about you guys just not doing the basics daily and then having it all to look forward to on a Saturday.

Does it not get to you looking round at everything that has just been left?

I am that person who makes sure downstairs is spotless and tidy before I go to bed.

That way the family can just get up & go about their day. It gives me time to slowly get up as I struggle in the mornings knowing that when I get downstairs it is as I left it. Even on the wknd they are off doing their thing & in the afternoon it’s a case of what do we need to do, get the jobs done & family time. Even at their age of early 20s family time is important to have a laugh, decompress together.

It’s much easier when all the members of the family like a clean & tidy house.