To think ‘he just isn’t that into you’ should be banned?

[Kindyeah]

Today I’ve seen it said it a woman concerned about her husband not spending as much time with her and their children as she’d like.

And to a woman going on a blind date with a man she’s never met, It seems to crop up at least once a day and I don’t know if people think it’s original, cool and edgy but we all know it’s from Sex and the City and it makes you sound like either a massive dickhead or really quite thick.

Why do people keep saying it ffs?

Because so many women convince themselves that a bloke who treats them like crap "really loves them".

Probably because he isn’t and that’s the impression someone has.

It's not a bad piece of tough love rhetoric for women who allow themselves to pine after blokes who are blatantly stringing them along...

The phrases you've given are obvious mission creep and somewhat inappropriate but it has its uses.

The fact remains that a bloke who doesn't give as much to you as you do to him is not worth your time or emotional energy. If it stops one woman from embarrassing herself it's not a waste.

People keep saying it because there's truth in it, like most cliches.

It can be irritating when you get lengthy OPs wondering what someone's feelings are, analysing things like text messages in minute detail, when it's clear the person doesn't reciprocate their strength of feeling. It's a short response that cuts through the waffle.

I thought it came from a self-help book, but I've never watched SATC.

It’s a handy instant sign of low intelligence imo

I remember it from Sex and the City, I'm under no illusion about it being cool or edgy.

But basically it means that sometimes the most simple / obvious answer is the correct one.

Some women do spend inordinate amounts of time analysing how men behave and why don't call them or whatever.

The simple answer is if a guy is into you and wants to see you, he will.

Some women seem unable to see that, so people point it out. And it's often true.

(I have not seen the threads you are referring to though, I just mean it's true in general).

Because it’s often true. Men usually find time / money to spend on what they really care about, despite their demanding mother or busy job.

They manage to commit to someone if they want to , despite their parents divorce or their budgie dying.

How so?

Well clearly someone going on a blind date doesn’t think the bloke loves them

And a man who wants to train for a marathon doesn’t automatically become someone who doesn’t give a toss about a woman he’s married and had children with.

How? I'd say someone who is trying to convince themselves that a man who obviously isn't interested or is treating them like shit actually does love them is a bit delusional.

Yes, yes and yes again!
So glad someone else thinks this, I nearly started a thread on it a while ago as I’d seen it written twice in one day!

It really really goes though me.

It’s a SATC quote about men the women are casually dating. And even in that series, characters take offence when it’s said to them. It’s rude and part of the ‘I tell it like it is’ brigade.

Well clearly someone going on a blind date doesn’t think the bloke loves them

Having read some of the post-first-date threads on here, I wouldn't count on that!

That’s beyond simplistic though. Life isn’t a sitcom.

My neighbour ran two marathons last year and still prioritized her children, husband and job.
No one thought "she wasn't that into her husband" because she never gave off that impression and so her husband never had to ask.

I don't think SATC invented that phrase either. It started on Reddit or something- "she's not that into you, sorry bro" sort of thing. SATC picked it up.

It's useful. Many people think they're only good for waiting on the sidelines of another person's life. That's not right.

It’s actually a book. Then a film.

Because sometimes it really does cut to the heart of the issue. While I'm not a fan of that particular phrase, I do think sometimes people could save so much of their lives if they stopped looking for possible alternative reasons for a person's lack of attention or poor treatment of them and accepted the obvious. If a man doesn't contact you very often and makes excuses when you suggest dates, yes, there's a teeny weeny possibility he is busy at work, ill, terrified because his feelings for you are so strong and he can't handle it, been sitting by his great uncle once removed's sick bed...but it's far more likely HJNTIY and you should bin him off for someone who is.

People keep saying it because it's often true. Though I agree it's not nice to hear.

You can’t commit every day, all day for the rest of your life. Sometimes you’ll want to go away with your friends or train for a marathon or go to yoga classes and sometimes that won’t work for your partner and it’ll cause resentment. Chiming in with ‘he’s just not into you’ is total nonsense and it’s only being said because it’s cruel wrapped up as ‘hard love’.

And a man who wants to train for a marathon doesn’t automatically become someone who doesn’t give a toss about a woman he’s married and had children with.

Depends on the age of children and what kind of support him and his wife have. Training for a marathon is time-consuming and can take several months of training. If it means him doing this and his wife getting little down-time because she is taking care of their children and he doesn’t spend time with their kids then yes he doesn’t give a toss about his family.

You’re right it isn’t automatic but anecdotally, I see it more of it being the case than not. Similar to the guys who spend their weekends playing golf.

Given Reddit wasn’t invented until SATC ended I’d say this was unlikely. The scriptwriters of a sitcom coined the phrase about single women casually dating in NYC. Not about a father of three who wants to go on a stag do. Or a Tinder date you haven’t met.

Yes. Stemming from the phrase used in SATC.

I thought it was from the film - which may have come from a book. And the film shows what we see happening to women in real life. Dragging out their best years with no marriage or kids then one day they’re off when pressed to get on with it. They say they’re not ready. Then in 6 months they’ve shacked up with someone else and having a baby.

It's a book actually OP.

Must be something to it if SATC incorporated it into one of their story lines....

No. The film and book both came from an episode of Sex and the City. People believing it’s a self help book’s advice rather than a punchline in a sitcom might explain why we see people repeating it with such smug self conviction.