Friends not sponsoring dh

[Primmyhill]

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

FGS you are so stubborn and awkward @Primmyhill and absolutely NOT admitting you may be wrong, or even attempting to understand why some people feel like they do.

I explained why I believe the people around you are reluctant to give, on a post last night which you can't have seen as you didn't respond - so I will post it again (some of it.) From my post last night...

I think people find it jarring, (you asking for sponsor money) because they have been ambushed and cornered so many times by so many people to give money, and donate to their DH or DC's sponsored 'thing,' and have had enough of being ambushed by chuggers and beggars in the streets, on the exits of shops and stores, at their own door, and at 1 in 3 checkouts they pay at. So I think it's just jarred people. That's why people have piled on.

I did say I felt bad for you having such a pile on, and I apologised too, for being a bit harsh on you on a couple of my posts before, but I withdraw that apology after you posted THIS nasty post earlier.

@Primmyhill 7.52 today

No mid life crisis involved. Why is it always described as this. Just because your OH is probably a lardy couch potato past his prime, slightly jealous are we?

You really are a piece of work aren't you? And you wonder why your 'friends' don't want to give anything? The more you post, the more I can see why!

And your whole 'well I gave to them, so THEY should give to meeeeeeeeeeee' attitude is bizarre and unpleasant. You don't give to receive, and life is not transactional. What a miserable, tedious life that would be if we all only did things for people, with the agreement that they do something for us in return.

Have you got a little notebook where you keep all the information, and lists of everything you have done for people and everything they do for you (or don't do,) and a little checklist to make sure they all do something in return? What if they don't comply? Do they get a big black cross next to their name (whilst the ones who do comply get a gold star?) Do the non-compliers get unfriended on Facebook? Do you block them on your phone? What? Just curious.

Yes OP, what you and DH ought to do is die and leave all your money to the charity. Right now. 😆🙄

That's not what @Stravaig said. Read the post properly and then answer it! They said they can write this charity into their wills if they care THAT much, they didn't say 'why don't you die and leave all your money to charity' FFS! 😂

For me atleast, i'd rather donate direct to the charity, than through a third party who then get the credit of "Oh, look how much 'I' raised for X!" It gives false praise to someone else for my money going to the charity, and some people tend to wear it like some badge of 'look how great i am' forevermore, which gets annoying fast.
As has already been pointed out, such sponsored events with adults tend to be events they want to do anyway, like runners doing a marathon, jumping out of a plane when its something you've always wanted to do etc, so it's not like they're putting themself out doing something awful for the good of the charity.

The fact pages like just giving etc take a percentage of the raised funds is also a reason why I'd never donate through such a page, I'd much rather an old fashioned the money collected in person then given to the charity direct so they get every penny.

As you say someone in your community has recently been affected by this, could it be the people you're sending this link to has already donated quietly themselves?
Either way, sending the link once is enough, to have sent it a second time imo is actually really cheeky, if they wanted to donate they would have done the first time you sent the link. Sending again is like shaking a tin in their face like, "I see you didn't donate, come on, don't be stingy!" Maybe one or two might have intended to donate later if they didn't have the funds at the time, but that your second share has gone without a donation clearly they just don't want to.

I think people are just trying to offer explanations because you asked for the reasons not to donate, not for ideas that would encourage donation, but it's coming across as criticism.

One angle you might not have considered is if there is already a strong fundraising arm for the person with MND in the same community. There was a very ill child and my kids school and lots of fundraising ideas flying about, but most linked to the same fundraising place. By the time I was asked for the third or fourth sponsorship for the same cause, I didn't consider donating as I'd already done so.

I used to donate a set amount to charity every Christmas. After I started getting lots of sponsorship requests, I switched to doing those instead. It is better than just donating to charity as it makes my friends happy as well. I wouldn’t always choose their charities but it is important to them, so I don’t mind.

This is what I do, sponsor her myself job done 😂.

As for adults, I will sponsor in situations where it's an actual challenge, like my step-dad did a huge walk to raise money for a hospice that cared for his recently passed mum. Step dad is the least fit person I've ever met so it was a genuine challenge for him.

But otherwise no and it makes me cringe.

You sponsor a child £10 for a silence to raise money for school gym equipment: £10 goes on school gym equipment.

You sponsor somebody's husband £10 for the London Marathon to raise money for the RNLI : £10 is split between the Marathon, charity staff, advertising etc etc. It's a terrible use of money.

Oh, look how much 'I' raised for X!" It gives false praise to someone else for my money going to the charity, and some people tend to wear it like some badge of 'look how great i am' forevermore,

This can’t be a real thought process in someone’s actual head.

I don't do sponsored stuff at work anymore. In my first couple of years I sponsored all the kids "hop on one leg all day", sponsored silences etc. (even though my colleagues came in and laughed about how the kids hadn't actually done any of it properly anyway). But then every 6 months those colleagues would make a beeline for me for the next school sponsored event and it just got out of hand. So I don't even sponsor kids anymore, unless they're family or very close friends.

I'd sponsor an adult doing something really impressive, but not a work colleague or their spouse, as it just makes you seem like a cash cow to them and they'll never leave you alone afterwards.

I get it, loads of these things flying around and you can’t give to everyone but don’t expect me to sponsor your kids in the future! That is the point I was making, but the worthiness and motivation of my DH’s chosen ‘challenge’ has been called in to question.

It’s hardly begging! And your definition of tacky differs wildly from mine.

I had an argument with my DS about this. He had done a sponsored activity for a fundraiser (we had paid for all his costs involved in doing the actual thing) and then he wanted to do another one. I said I wouldn't support it, as it would be all the same people giving money basically just to be nice to him. I told him that if he needed more money, he should do something useful for people (car washing, giving people lifts back from the pub, gardening etc.) He just didn't get it at all and insisted that the best thing was getting people to sponsor him for doing a bike ride, climbing a mountain etc. In the end he very reluctantly went along with my idea.

Exactly. It’s so tacky isn’t it! How dare he raise the profile and make it all about him! It’s not like it was a challenge for him or anything as he’s already a super fit sportsman!

To be fair it's only been called into question because you've not said what it is.

Some of them are unworthy. I know you've now said that he's covering all his own costs, but that took a while, and you still (I don't think, I may have missed it) haven't said what the actual challenge is so people are quite within their rights to say that they might not think it's worthy if they do find out.

If it is the London Marathon, then I personally don't think that's a problem if, as you say, he is covering his own entry fees and costs and all money raised is going to charity. Despite a few people saying "this is always the case", it certainly isn't.

I can't believe the grief you're getting!! In our friendship group we would absolutely sponsor each other, no questioned asked. I do a cancer research walk every year and my friends continue to sponsor me as they know how important the charity is to me.

You really are a piece of work aren't you? And you wonder why your 'friends' don't want to give anything? The more you post, the more I can see why!
And your whole 'well I gave to them, so THEY should give to meeeeeeeeeeee' attitude is bizarre and unpleasant. You don't give to receive, and life is not transactional. What a miserable, tedious life that would be if we all only did things for people, with the agreement that they do something for us in return.
Have you got a little notebook where you keep all the information, and lists of everything you have done for people and everything they do for you (or don't do,) and a little checklist to make sure they all do something in return? What if they don't comply? Do they get a big black cross next to their name (whilst the ones who do comply get a gold star?) Do the non-compliers get unfriended on Facebook? Do you block them on your phone? What? Just curious.

Wow, this is a pretty horrible response! OP states plenty of friends have had their kids sponsored but when she's asked them to reciprocate there's been silence - I agree, that is unreasonable of them.

But the pile-on OP is getting is ignoring the point of the AIBU and instead making personal attacks on OP. No wonder OP is getting snippy in response.

I tend to sponsor kids to do things but not adults. I think it’s unusual to be offended that you ask for money and someone says “no”.

Urgh a "friend" is currently trying to raise money to send her kids hobby class to Disney so they can perform on stage or something. Hobby she pays £3k plus in fees a year! Yeah fuck off I'm not paying for you to go on holiday. If it's that important you pay for your own kid.

I think there is so much shit like my example above going round, people get a bit fed up of donating and just tend to ignore the sponsor me texts / Facebook posts.

This one annoys me too! There always seems to be a local dance /cheer /gymnastics group raising money for this. Disney must think we are all fools.

Thankfully my daughter's dance school has more sense

No it's not, if someone sponsor's your children but you don't sponsor them back just because they're obviously adults I think that's unreasonable.

If they know how important the charity is to you, it's not exactly no questions asked, is it?

Would you give them £10 "no questions asked" and be happy when you found out they were keeping half for themselves for their efforts and giving the other half to the BNP? Or would you think that's a question you ought to ask?

If your answer is "We're a close group of friends and trust each other" then fine, but that's not really the point here. The point here is that you ask questions when that's not the case.

I wish people wouldn't be so glib about rare diseases.

Sometimes having family and friend fundraise and try to raise awareness is the only way this particular condition gets a look in.

There are no support groups, no charities, no network for some of the rarer diseases.

Please don't be so dismissive.

I think it's ok to be surprised / offended / put out that people won't reciprocate when you have responded favourably to their requests. Don't ask for sponsorship if you won't reciprocate!

Disney don't think we are all fools. Disney turns over 91 billion dollars a year because they know there are enough fools in the world to sustain it.