Friends not sponsoring dh

[Primmyhill]

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

The most charitable people I know say nothing about their huge donations, because they are coming from a place of true altruism, and it’s not something to fill up their SM feed for a bit.

Ehh? 🙄

I only sponsor DC. I give to charity on a regular basis but I prefer to choose the ones I support.

Oh Wow OP, what a pile on! You are probably unreasonable to expect people to sponsor your DH, but you are not unreasonable to be disappointed that your friends haven't (especially as they are friends of your and the person with MND and you sponsor them!). Personally i hate sponsorship requests but always sponsor my friends (because they are my friends and we support each other!)
Don't let the irritation of their behavior stop you being the kind generous person you have been so far.

I don't mind sponsoring adults doing things, and I've done a couple of events that have required me to ask for sponsorship so I know how awkward it is asking too.

I have a loose rule that I'll sponsor one person per month and generally I give about £10-£20 depending on the charity ( more if I support it and like it and less if I don't ) and the difficulty of the event. If its a close friend, niece/ nephew /sibling I'm probably more generous.

I often get more than one request a month ( marathon season etc) and I then don't feel guilty not contributing.... and I also sometimes explain to people I'm not sponsoring this for reason but I wish them well for their event.

I really like it when people show they are trying hard with sponsorship and make some effort themselves such as raffles, quizes, cake sales, curry nights, litter pick ups, car washing, vinted wardrobe clearouts, car boot sales etc. This makes it more likely I will support and sponsor them!

I have another rule,,, it someone I sponsor doesn't thank me by messenger, email or in person I will never sponsor them again. Rude! It happens alot!

Just stop sponsoring other people. That is what I did. I used to sponsor all my friends DC and family DC etc, then when DD did something a few years ago, only 1 person sponsored her, so I stopped sponsoring anyone at that point.

No one should be asking for sponsorship using school as the gateway.

@housethatbuiltme

Yeah, no I would ignore a sponsored thing, really tacky to contact people. Is it a 'middle class' thing because here in the 'poorer classes' we are taught from a very young age not to beg.

That's interesting - growing up in a working class family, we were only ever allowed to ask family for sponsorship for all the school stuff, never friends or neighbours.

That did also make it more difficult to join in with the 'look how much I've raised' crowd.

I hope someone has a word with Kevin Sinfield and tells him to stop 'grandstanding in Lycra' and using Rob Burrow's name to make himself feel good. After all, I'm sure the various MND charities don't need the £15m or so that he's raised so far with his running challenges 🙄

For years I sponsored people for all kinds of jollies — marathons in Namibia (with a ten-day wraparound holiday), polar-bear counting in the Arctic (Arctic cruise and trek), helping build/maintain schools in Costa Rica/ Guatemala/ South Africa (three-week holidays with four or five days of work involved) on the basis that it was for charity. Then the penny dropped and I realised that less than half what I gave went to the charity. I guess the penny's dropped for your friends, too, OP. If you're well off why isn't your DH just giving a couple of grand to MND rather than virtue-signalling and getting his friends to pay for a trip?

I support charities that I choose. I don't need an adult virtue signalling and guilt tripping me into sponsoring them to support one of their chosen charities. He could just have sent the entry fee straight to the charity and added his own generous contribution. These organised events cost a vast amount to run, skip the middle man and send direct! But of course it's fun to take part in these things, and that's fine. He should go ahead but can't expect people to sponsor him if their charitable budget has gone to charities they are more aligned with. Sponsoring kids is very different, they don't have their own money unlike an adult, and it's a good lesson in working hard and being selfless/ charitable.

@Primmyhill you say

'And for those saying maybe they already give to that charity/are doing their own bit, they really aren’t. I would know about it.'

How exactly would you know? I've just given a fairly large donation to a charity I support. No one knows except me and a trustee. That's how it should be. Giving to charity isn't meant to be performative.

Is it the charity that's putting them off? We sponsor that which we support and are very open about not just sponsoring friends / their causes / their endeavours, unless they are charities we support.

@Primmyhill sorry I really couldn't read the full thread. But I wanted to suggest you look at the sponsorship 'platform'. I sponsor most of my friends/ family who do these things. I click the link and it's all done in under a minute. I feel bad a cousin of mine recently done a pretty huge challenge one and I went through the link a few times but it was a PITA and I'd be feeding the baby or something and I'd think I'll do it later..... I did not do it later.

I carnt afford to sponsor anyone or give money to charity. Keeping food in my kids bellys is my priority. Sorry not sorry.

Depends on the challenge. If it is something like a parachute jump or a mountain trek request for sponsorship feels a bit like ‘pay for me to do this adventure holiday’ - even marathon charity places feel a little like ‘pay for my marathon place’ unless you have a genuine connection to the charity (like someone in your family has a rare illness), or you have some kind of physical barrier you are overcoming, such as running after a cancer treatment. Likely your friends find the request a bit cheeky. Times are also tough. You can’t spend other people’s money.

@Primmyhill If you've been hit up numerous times over the years for contributions to similar sorts of charity challenges like your DH is doing it would be reasonable to hope this same population of people that asked your family would do the same for you.

However - people often don't, it's sad/annoying but true.

I agree with @80smonster too - next time you're asked, just say you're maxed out giving to DH's charity event.

'And for those saying maybe they already give to that charity/are doing their own bit, they really aren’t. I would know about it.'

I give £50 a month to three charities. Plan International, a women's DV charity and a hospice. Have done for years 30+ years. All via standing order. I don't think even my partner of 20+ years knows I give each month. I rarely mention it to anyone. Occasionally someone visiting might notice annual report or a letter or something the charities have sent me and comment, but other than that no one would know. Which is how charity is supposed to be. Not virtue-signalling for Likes.

MN is always off about money. I’ve never encountered such a money obsessed bunch* either in real life or online.

NAMNALT

Do people seriously scrounge money off others for temporarily not doing an optional thing? That's pathetic, I wouldn't be able to stop myself bursting out laughing if someone tried scrounging off me.

'pay me to not eat melon for starters for one week'
'give me money to not drive along the A3 on Wednesdays'

People should just be left to donate to charities they choose to. No sponsoring nonsense.

Erm Mcdonalds owns Ronald Mcdonald house, hospices for very sick children of course they ask for donations for them.

After one month of spending 25% of my low income on sponsorships and charity donations I’ve stopped sponsoring pretty much anyone. I did a couple of sponsored events and only ever had 2 family members sponsor me so I never do sponsored activities now.

I dont sponsor anyone.
I did once a little boy about 5 or 6.
He was doing a sponsored bike ride at school i gave him £3.
Every one that sponsored him he gave them a home made cupcake he made.
He was so sweet going door to door with his paper form and a tray of cake.
He was very polite and done it all by him self dont see that anymore.
It was way back in the day.
It was the only time i have ever sponsored anyone.

I hate asking for sponsorship. We used to fake the kids’ forms and write pretend names and just give the whole
lot ourselves.

I will however sponsor close
friends and family. None of them seem to do the OTT ones though. I have recently
sponsored a lovely acquaintance who is doing something q tough in the UK. It is for a charity that provided support when her young adult child was unwell and then died. There is no way I would refuse that one.