Friends not sponsoring dh

[Primmyhill]

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

I don’t sponsor adults nor do I ask for sponsorship
With the DC we just made a donation
I sometimes sponsor kids ,but not teenagers doing this ridiculous World Challenge things

If a cure is ever to be found for something like MND, then attention seeking is exactly what is needed. Of course, people with life changing or limiting conditions need personal support but that's not going to fund research.

Random strangers with no connection are not going to wake up one day and think 'this is the day I'm going to donate to MND', for example.

They do it, if they want to, because they are prompted by seeing a friend or colleague's fundraising page. And that raises far more money than one person silently donating. Of course, many do that anyway and it's also hugely appreciated.

And the vast majority of people who take on challenges for the charity I work for have already lost someone or have a relative who is dying. Sometimes it's a person who is terminally ill themselves.

It's too late for them and their family but they find it a comfort to fundraise for those coming afterwards. It's something they can do to have a tiny bit of control in a situation where they have no other control.

If I'm honest, I have met one or two egotists over the years but generally I do not recognise the performative show offs roundly criticised here.

Fundraising is one of the least cynical sectors I've ever worked in.

You’re not really happy to take it on the chin though, are you? Nasty snippy responses to other posters who must be jealous because they have lardy fat DP’s who sit on the couch all day and don’t rock Lycra like your DH…

OP I always bung £20 to someone doing, say, a marathon, for a worthy cause. In fact I did it for a colleague last week.

I'm a 'runner' but could never run a marathon, and admire anyone else who has the commitment - and in the name of charity.

I don't support fundraisers which sponsor 18 year olds to go on gap years to count turtles or help build schools, but that's entirely different.

I'm sorry you are getting a hard time on here.

She's reacting to the thoroughly nasty comments she's getting. Presumably she should be tugging at her forelock and leaving her DH for being so selfish and grasping as to use his friend's condition for his own aggrandisement.

Honestly, what's the matter with you people? Why are you so full of vitriol and misery? I thought Tattle was supposed to be the nasty place, but this thread is eye poppingly awful.

Yeah, no I would ignore a sponsored thing, really tacky to contact people. Is it a 'middle class' thing because here in the 'poorer classes' we are taught from a very young age not to beg.

I honestly can say I have NEVER received a sponsors my kid things and only a couple from narcissistic adults with brass fucking balls so I can't relate to this at all.

Fund raisers do happen, its usually things like the school hosting something like fancy dress, party, film event, raffle and lots of charity days (where people hire a venue, get bands, merchandise etc... usually in memory of someone, with all money going to charity linked to the cause of death like cancer, lung, stillbirth etc...) but no we never get the 'sponsor me to go on a walk, run a marathon, climb mount everest, do a skydive etc...' pay for your own hobby.

I hate that utterly bizarre thing in recent times where suddenly before someones birthday you start getting Facebook notices of that awful 'for my birthday instead of presents I request donations to...'. Eh? what... since when have facebook friends EVER been expected to buy you gifts? Sandra the polite but uptight receptionist that is 20 years older than you from your first job 15 years ago who you haven't even seen in 10 years is not gifting you donations (which is lets face it what Facebook is majoritively for, people you once knew who are now 'Facebook acquaintances'). Needless to say virtually no one ever donates and after weeks they will have raised like £5 in 1 donation from the creepy nice guy that fancy's them lol. Its incredibly cringey.

Not RTFT but could it be because they don't want to sponsor per mile/? In these situations I just bung in a set amount so I don't get caught out for more than I want to donate.

YABVVU in your judgement of others.

You know what genuinely charitable people do? They give directly to the charities of their choice, according to their budget, whenever they can, as a routine part of ethics meets financial planning. They don't deprive those charities of their full contribution by sending it via their mates instead, where most of any contribution is lost paying for a vanity event.

I also wouldn't sponsor in this instance because I'm creeped out by the dysfunctional wife work of you doing DH's fundraising for him.

Oh dear, what a pile on. The way I read your post, you are upset that you have sponsored your friends for their things, and they're not reciprocating. I don't see what's so wrong about being disappointed in that? That's the whole point of sponsorship. We don't give because it's a course that we particularly care about, we give because our friend is asking us to. You have given in the past to friends, and those same people now aren't sponsoring your husband. But at the same time times are tight and this whole model is fraying at the seams a bit. In future, unless it's a cause you particularly care for, you can do the same and not worry about giving sponsorship when a friend does a challenge.

Has it been made very clear to everyone you’ve asked donations from that he is funding his own place, and every penny raised will go directly to the charity? Plus gift aid?

Because the idea of my donation being used to pay for the ‘challenge’ itself (as is often the case) really puts me off sponsoring these sorts of things.

I think that if you have sponsored friends, then you should replicate the favour when asked. That’s just fair. Personally would t sponsor anyone, but then I wouldnt ask to be sponsored. I would think twice about sponsoring your friends herein, sadly.

I’m not a fan of sponsorship to raise money for charity. What’s his end goal, to raise money for a charity or personal growth through the challenge?
if it’s for personal growth, then I don’t think it matters that your haven’t sponsored him. Friends shouldn’t be funding hobbies. If it’s for the charity, I think quiz nights, bake sales etc would be a better way to raise the money.

Good advice and one I’ll definitely use in future!

Depends what he's doing.

If he's trekking the length of Africa, then fair play, I'll drop him a couple of quid. But if he's doing the local 10K, then get lost.

TBH, sponsorships are for kids unless it's something super-extreme and/or dangerous and/or takes more than a day or two.

I could be jumping the gun and who knows, they might donate nearer the time or maybe they just don’t want to. I didn’t think it was too much to ask to bung £10 to it from friends but clearly in the world of MN, it is!

I will often donate to fund raising activities carried out by friends, just a small one off amount. I never sponsor anyone. Too open ended.

How would you know? Are you treasurer for the charity? Plus presumably there’s more than one charity raising money for that condition?

I donate money to charity directly every month but I don’t say a word about it to anyone irl

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure your DH has very admirable intentions, but I think you are making a lot of angry assumptions about these people that could be totally unjustified.

I did a charity challenge years ago. I had also sponsored people in the past, and thought the raising money element would be relatively straight forwards. It was the most stressful part of the whole thing! The training and the event were nothing compared to the challenge of trying to get enough money to make the minimum target (I had paid for my place, but then there is another minimum of what they think you should raise).

I'd never do another one, it was an awful experience.

I'm sure MN is a parallel universe to the one that I live in.

OP, I can see your point of view. You happily sponsor little Tarquin and Josephine but their parents aren't sponsoring your DH for a good cause. I'd be miffed as well.

Oh and the false claims and guesswork regarding your DH in here is laughable!
Well done to your DH for trying to raise some money for a great cause

Have you made it clear to people that he is paying for his own place?
I would always sponsor friends who have paid in themselves but not if they're using it for a free experience.
Unfortunately, when I ask, most people use the donations to cover their own place before the charity gets anything. So then it's a firm no.

I think you just have to let it go and accept that some people will sponsor whilst others won't. People sometimes have the perception of being bombarded with sponsorship requests, whether or not that's true. It's not worth turning it into any sort of battleground. Hope your husband's challenge goes well.

I agree that most people would suck it up and donate for friends…
but given the way OP is talking about them I doubt very much whether these people are actually friends. I don’t think they even like each other.

I admire your confidence!

I don't think I could do that in real life - couldn't manage the awkwardness!!

Dh has had his Lycra cladded buttocks handed to him on here,
and hasn’t enjoyed the experience -
maybe his humility towards ‘lardy couch potatoes’ only there to donate to his latest wheeze will blossom from this discussion, as it finally dawns on him that the predicted fawning and donating might not materialise after all, and he can at least salvage his dignity by not thrusting out the begging bowl for the third time - unless he enjoys being a dick.

Sincerely op, I hope it goes well and if you are floundering get the dog, cat, pet rabbit, hamster and the nice old lady next door to kick start things maybe…

DH paying his own event costs still doesn't justify it. He could have donated every penny of those costs directly to the charity instead, and send out an email to his family, friends, and colleagues saying 'I've decided to support X charity, for Y reasons, please can you check them out, and consider donating your time or money too.'

Same effect, greater income for the charity, but no vanity event for DH (nor wife work for you).

You and DH can also leave a bequest in your wills, and encourage anyone you might be inheriting from to give to the charity instead of you. Or are you and he not that generous after all?