Friends not sponsoring dh

[Primmyhill]

Ok, I know times are hard and there are loads of people asking for sponsorship etc but I’m just a bit hacked off. In the past I’ve sponsored friends kids for things like walking around the playground at lunch time, sponsored silence etc, you get my drift but there’s been loads over the last few years and I always give £10-20. My husband is doing a huge challenge in April and the sponsorship has been live for months and I’ve sent the link out twice and not one of them has sponsored him. None of them are badly off - they just can’t be bothered I reckon and I’m pretty annoyed. AIBU? Would you do? I’ll know better next time when darling Henry wants money for pushing his teddy around the local f’ing playing field.

He hasn’t made it all about him actually. The focus is on our friend and the charity and what it means to our friend that some of them also know!

So when you asked AIBU you didn’t really want to hear what people think, you wanted them to tell you what you wanted to hear. Noted.

I think people have fundraising fatigue. It never used to be a thing beyond supporting your kid's sponsored silence at school, but now fundraising is an industry in itself and it can feel exploitative and manipulative at times. I have to agree with others that lots of the adult endeavours do feel like we're paying someone to do their hobby. In fact, in the case of the London Marathon it's true: you can't get a place unless you're doing it to support a charity.

I have a DD set up for one charity and I'll give directly to others if it's a cause I truly believe in. But funding someone's walk along the Camino de Santiago? No chance.

Seems PM is off at the moment.
But I usually give something - can't believe all this pearl clutching at giving a fiver!

Not at all but I’m still entitled to give my view and opinion as have you.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. It’s a very worthy cause and you’ve sponsored little Jonny and friends many times in the past despite probably not being interested in getting a play house/vegetable patch/basket ball net built in the playground! I think it’s rude of your friends not to reciprocate and I would make a point of not sponsoring them or their kids again. Stick to your own charities of choice. I bet they were the types to badger people until they felt obliged to sponsor as well 🙄

Have you even asked the ‘friend’ if they are happy for this to be done in their name? Are they comfortable with this? As I wouldn’t want this at all if I had MND.

Assuming you have checked, why are so horrified that no one is interested in your dh’s mid life crisis? Because that is what it is.

If your dh wants to support his friend, he can donate himself without involving a whole publicised event. He can spend time listening to his friend quietly, drive him to the hospital, organise the odd supper or day out if he is up to it.

A ‘look at me charity’ event feels exploitative annd attention seeking, thats why no one has responded.

More to the point it will do precisely nothing to support the actual person going through this ghastly process. Do you not think your dhs time could be better spent actually supporting his friend? Rather than grandstanding in his Lycra.

I would assume he’s running the London Marathon! I wonder if your friends see the donation page and think that they’ll sponsor him nearer the time. That is what I do!

@Primmyhill so frustrating isn’t it, just how much misinformation there is about marathon fundraising. Alllllll funds go to the charity. The runner covers all the costs of the actual marathon ‘ticket’ themselves just the same as if they’d entered the lottery. Pays for the accommodation and travel.
I fundraised for a marathon once for a charity very close to my heart and never again. I was in the same position as your dh, I paid half of the fundraising target myself and did various fundraising activities / posted links etc. I was surprised by some people who didn’t sponsor even £5 when I had previously sponsored for their projects, supported their businesses, sponsored their children and tbh I have pulled away from those people.
Best of luck to your husband ❤️

Always depends on the charity for me. I prefer to sponsor for smaller local causes such as our hospice, or the local wildlife rescue. Too many of the "big" charities siphon off too much for the bigwigs.

I agree though, if people are quick to ask for their kids, they should be prepared to return the favour for someone else.

I get the impression that you (op) are asking your(singular) friends, rather that he is asking his or your (joint) friends.

I'd be far more inclined to sponsor someone I knew and asked me themselves than someone whose side asked me and I didn't know.

On the whole for adults it has to be a close friend and something I want to support, because at one point I was having several requests a month. Request for husband I didn't really know would be way down the list.
If I was doing something sponsored I'd never expect dh to ask his work friends, just as when he was doing something for sponsorship I didn't ask my friends. A couple of close friends I talked about what they were doing, one may have chosen to give something, but I would not have expected it.

Spends for me, I’m not funding anyone’s adventures but I do donate to fundraising that’s not some stupid like not drinking for a month or running a mile!
I also don’t donate to people I know very well - so I would for a friend but perhaps not for their DP who I barely know.

Also don’t donate to people I don’t like! Colleagues etc… who I may not be very fond of. Problem is- LOADS of people do this stuff now.

Even by your responses op I can tell you are ‘that’ person with very little awareness and it’s 🙄 all round from your friends - quietly of course.

Exactly this. They approached people individually and on nights out in the pub even as well as constant posts on FB. In some of the cases it became very competitive about whose child had raised the most. But I won’t be doing it in the future. You live and learn. But I’m a really bad person apparently for hoping the support might be reciprocated. And for those saying maybe they already give to that charity/are doing their own bit, they really aren’t. I would know about it.

How close is your friend and is/has there been a lot of fundraising for MND since their diagnosis?
I am guessing people in your community may have already made donations either directly to the charity or if other events have been held, supported them so don't feel the need to sponsor your husband as people can only give so much and believe they have already helped that charity. So I would try not to take it too personally.

It sounds competitive, cut throat and savage in your circles op. Maybe just let people do want they want to do with their own money?!

Unsure why there is a big pile on you OP.
I totally understand when I've had friends message and ask me face to face for sponsorships for their kids etc! I would never ask anyone direct.
But I have shared my husbands just giving page and there has been no mention of it.
My husband 2 years ago out of the blue developed epilepsy, he's required 2 shoulder operations on top of it as he dislocates his shoulders each time and he's needed pins and plates put in.
The epilepsy society have helped us a lot with information.
My husband has worked hard on his health and is doing a half marathon to raise money for the charity as well as trying to keep himself fit and seizure free.
I've sponsored him etc and I'm really proud of him.

You have also avoided answering the question as to whether you have even asked the friend if they are happy for your dh to do this, so maybe that’s why your friends are not responding.

Why are you framing this about support owed to your family because you have supprted others? Surely it's ultimately about the charity and instead you are making it all about your DH. What support does your husband actually need? Sounds like you want him to look good by raising lots of money and that's what you expect people to support.
Maybe your friends and family prefer to support the person with MND by giving directly to the charity.

He's made it all about himself by having people sponsor him. If he wanted to raise money without making the endeavour about himself, would he not have done something quietly, something that invites people to donate directly to the charity instead of via his activity?

I think the main point here is not if YOU like sponsoring stuff of if he’s doing such and such challenge it’s the fact that the OP has sponsored all these kids challenges and now no one can be bothered to sponsor her DH. Yeah I’d be annoyed too!

I remember 2 years in a row, someone doing a marathon for charity. Both times she'd message people asking for sponsorship. Other than that we never talked.

I also sponsored someone who after the event, said that half was to cover the costs of the event

Oh please! Of course the friend is on board! It was actually their idea for husband to do this in their name. So you think he’s really going to do something they don’t support or don’t want just for his own ends? What a very strange and nasty view.