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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bring your whole self to work

139 replies

Porvendo · 02/03/2025 15:26

My organisation is big on 'bring your whole self to work' crap. We've done training sessions where we're meant to 'open up' about life's troubles etc and get to know each other more deeply.

I used to buy into it all and considered certain colleagues friends etc but more recently I've seen the organisation and some of its leaders in a whole new light (after a nasty redundancy process where we let go of 12 colleagues) and it all feels a bit like they were just duping us into work more hours and creating a sense of blind loyalty (a bit like a cult)

AIBU? Has anyone else experienced this at work

OP posts:

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 02/03/2025 15:59

No, never share. HR are not your friend.

UpsideDownChairs · 02/03/2025 16:00

No. Stay professional.

Having said that, as a member of senior management, I'm open about being a single mother and meaning that means I will sometimes be taking calls from the car, and that school run times can't be changed. I think it's important that my colleagues know that this company will be reasonable and flexible around commitments.

Otherwise, my private life is private thankyou very much, and TBH, unless it's affecting your work and you need something from me, yours should be too.

TeenLifeMum · 02/03/2025 16:01

we have to bring our whole selves to work but also follow a really strict dress code 😂 it’s bullshit. My whole self is also much less tolerant of bullshit and far more sweary than I think they’d appreciate.

FriendlyEeyore · 02/03/2025 16:03

It’s all ‘bring your whole self to work’ until your personal troubles get in the way of work and then it’s ’leave your personal issues at the door and be professional’.

There is no way employees can win with organisations. Just smile and nod and be the last person in and the first one out. Life is too short to be putting up with this nonsense.

Neveranynamesleft · 02/03/2025 16:04

Box ticking HR crap.

Ginmonkeyagain · 02/03/2025 16:04

We had this at a former workplace. The phrase started to be adopted in a sarcastic way when someone was being a twat - eg "I see Doreen really brought her whole self to work at that meeting earlier". Unsurprisingly HR quietly stopped using the phrase soon after.

Hmmmmnotsure · 02/03/2025 16:04

My whole-self cries a lot and farts freely, I think it's professional to leave parts of me at home.

theboffinsarecoming · 02/03/2025 16:08

I don't take my whole self to work. In fact, at times over the years, I have used work as a refuge to get away from what's going on in my life, so I can concentrate on smething else and forget about it for a few hours.

Snoopdoggydog123 · 02/03/2025 16:09

They get the portion and time that they've paid for.
I'm not one of those teachers who throw their heart and soul into it. I'm not sacrificing myself as a person or a mam.

I like some of the people I work with. But I don't consider them close.

WinteringTheStorm · 02/03/2025 16:10

It’s up there with the, we’re not just a firm, we’re a family! Meaning we expect to be able to force you to work over and beyond what would be reasonable because you’ll feel indebted to us. Fuck that shit. I sell a certain amount of hours of my time per week for payment. How I spend my time beyond those very specific hours is not my work place’s business.

CorsicaDreaming · 02/03/2025 16:12

Ginmonkeyagain · 02/03/2025 16:04

Love that 😂

TwistedWonder · 02/03/2025 16:13

I work in HR and we were purchased by a US company a few years ago. This is the sort of wanky corporate bullshit they’re trying to get us to promote but we are pushing back saying it’s not what works in our UK office environment.

Dont bring your whole self to work - us in HR really don’t have time to deal with the fall out

BumpyaDaisyevna · 02/03/2025 16:15

My work definitely does not need my whole self - by turns raging irritation followed quickly by manic excitement and frankly slight omnipotence succeeded by short period of calm collectedness followed by worried fatalistic hopelessness.

I have spent a lot of time money and effort learning to manage my feelings. I don't want to let it all hang out!

I'm fairly normal by the way, if you knew me at work 🤣🤣

aspidernamedfluffy · 02/03/2025 16:17

An ex employer tried that...it swiftly ended when 1 of the engineers told them his "whole self" included burping, farting swearing and wandering around topless so he'll gladly play (to use his words), "your game of wokey-cokey". Cue lots of back peddling and a mumbled "well only if you want to of course". Nobody did.

EBearhug · 02/03/2025 16:17

I don't think anyone brings their whole self anywhere. My sex life is not something to share with colleagues or parents. There are many aspects of work I cannot share with anyone outside of work - most of us will be covered by aspects of client confidentiality, industrial secrets etc.

We all compartmentalise to some extent, and that's okay. Over time, I have met some colleagues' families, even been on holiday with one or two. Most people I work with on a daily basis, tend to mention their partner or children or pets or wider family at some point, but there have been others where I don't know anything much about them at all, other than they're involved in Project X and are good to ask about network issues. I don't need to know more. HR will need emergency contact details and potential death in service beneficiaries, but no one else does.

Obviously you shouldn't have to hide that you're gay, and it's recent history where being out would have got you sacked, and we might be going back that way in the USA, so it's not totally irrelevant.

A few years ago, I was on a work call, where we were getting to know the leaders. Everyone speaking was married with children. As someone who's single and childless, I did not feel it was speaking to me. I don't know how anyone gay or otherwise not entirely heteronormative felt. I did point this out to HR, as it was a call celebrating diversity, maybe they could have had some more diverse backgrounds. (They did have a load of different nationalities, to be fair.) Apparently I was unreasonable. So only bring your whole self to work if it's an approved type of whole self.

ItGhoul · 02/03/2025 16:19

I think people interpret ‘bring your whole self to work’ in different ways. Where I work, it’s not about feeling like you have to share your personal lives and problems with colleagues. It’s more about not having to feel awkward about, eg, being in a same sex relationship or being able to say when something is bothering you, or even knowing you can dress in a way that makes you feel like yourself.

When I first started working there I was in some photos that were taken of people in the office, can’t remember exactly what for but probably for marketing materials or our intranet or something. I have short hair and a large tattoo on my upper back that extends above my collar line. I said ‘Hmm, maybe we should have got the photographer to avoid taking pics of me from the back; my tattoo is really obvious in these ones’ and my boss said ‘Oh, no, it’s fine, we want people to know they can bring their whole selves to work, no need to hide tattoos or anything like that, they’re just part of who you are’.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 02/03/2025 16:23

Can't stand it. My last form was like this, and don't get me started on compulsory pronouns in email footers. If you want to crack on, I don't.

Andsoitbeganagain · 02/03/2025 16:24

Sounds like the kind of shite our HR would get on board with. Bring your whole self to work ffs. How about just come to work and do your job. Simple.

ohdelay · 02/03/2025 16:27

This is why I'm a contractor and bring exactly as much of myself to work as they are paying for. Culty, weirdy woo work places are hell for permies, with forced "fun" and "bonding" and "pizza (why?)" instead of more pay. Good luck OP

GoldenLegend · 02/03/2025 16:27

It's the sort of twatty management-speak that means 'We own you, body and soul and you're not allowed a life outside work. In fact, we'd like you to work every waking hour and not to sleep much, either.'

hopeishere · 02/03/2025 16:29

Our place is a bit like this. They have trained up a whole load of mental health "first aiders" in case someone is having a crisis. I can't imagine anything I would want to do less than speak to a colleague if I was having a mental health crisis. I

I'm a private person. I don't really want my colleagues knowing too much about my life outside work. It's none of their business. DH was really really ill a few years ago, I never told anyone in work.

NeedToChangeName · 02/03/2025 16:29

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 02/03/2025 16:23

Can't stand it. My last form was like this, and don't get me started on compulsory pronouns in email footers. If you want to crack on, I don't.

"I don't feel emotionally safe to bring my whole self to work" is a good response. No one would dare challenge you

CraneBeak · 02/03/2025 16:30

I hate it. It's a way of trying to buy people's souls. I'll bring the version of myself to work that you've employed to do the job, and leave the rest at home, thanks.

SadCarpetMess · 02/03/2025 16:33

Well I could bring my whole self to work as long as they're prepared to sign some kind of a waver because on their own heads be it.

Ohapal · 02/03/2025 16:35

I can't understand this shit. Probably because I'm nearly 50.

As I understand it, an employer wants a job done. The employee does it and gets paid for that. Yes, it's nice to have friendly colleagues, perhaps you have shared interests or whatever. But it isn't mandatory to take part in office chat/socials or "bringing your whole self to work". You can bring your professional self as far as I am concerned. If you have a disability or difficulties with a sick family member, or other serious issues then yes, the employer needs to make adjustments. But beyond that, private life has nothing the fuck to do with employers.

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