Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

It’s a child maintenance one

84 replies

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 10:55

Hi all, just after a bit of advice

divorced 10 years ago, 2 children now mid teens. My ex H always paid more than CMS and has always earned well so the current amount I’m getting is around 1000 a month.

hes just informed me that his job has been made redundant and as he’s only been in this one a short time there is no redundancy payment, just payment for notice (6 months)

he has said that he won’t give me a share of this notice payment (it all falls into this tax year so technically he should) but he’s proposing to keep paying me the 1000 a month for 6 months, then discuss again but if he’s not secured another role then it may stop.

I haven’t worked full time for 15 years. I do some self employed work at home but I’m really going to notice the missing 1000 if it comes to that.

is it right he’s not giving me a share of the notice money? Is it fair that the payments may stop when it runs out?

OP posts:

HaddyAbrams · 02/03/2025 10:58

If he's still paying £1000 pm then you are getting 'a share'. It sounds perfectly fine to me.

Why don't you work full time?

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/03/2025 10:58

Why on earth do you think you should be entitled to his notice money?!

sprigatito · 02/03/2025 10:59

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/03/2025 10:58

Why on earth do you think you should be entitled to his notice money?!

Because she's bringing up his children?

Loveduppenguin · 02/03/2025 10:59

It gives you 6 months to get a full time position then, your dc are teens now that’s not impossible

Original poster

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:01

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 02/03/2025 10:58

Why on earth do you think you should be entitled to his notice money?!

Every year he’s shared his p60 and if he’s underpaid over the year (sometimes he has if he’s got a bonus) then he pays me a one off to make it fair.

as all this notice money will be paid in march it’ll all be in this tax year so if he did the same as normal he’d pay me a larger amount to make it fair over the year.

he did say if he did this then the 1000 a month would stop immediately, which is reasonable.

OP posts:

TooManyNiblings · 02/03/2025 11:01

Yes and yes.
IMO he is honouring your CMS payment and that's what you are entitled to.
And yes, his payments will stop if he's not earning. Where would the money come from? If he's on benefits you will get a small amount.
However you have had 15 years of part-time so I assume the kids are old enough for you to up your hours moving forward.

Worried861 · 02/03/2025 11:02

Well I mean if you're children are mid teens there's only a few years of maintenance left anyway so what's your plan for the future?

What he's proposing sounds reasonable to me.

TidyDancer · 02/03/2025 11:04

I think since you've got midteen DCs, it would be a good idea to post why you don't work full time as this is likely going to be to be the focus of any replies you get. It seems like such an obvious solution for you to work full time that I'm assuming there is a specific reason why you don't.

Do you have a plan for the future when the maintenance payments will stop completely? It seems like an ideal time to think about it really.

LadyTable · 02/03/2025 11:04

I haven’t worked full time for 15 years. I do some self employed work at home but I’m really going to notice the missing 1000 if it comes to that.

Are you going to drip-feed the reason for this?

Why did you leave it out of your OP?

BlueMum16 · 02/03/2025 11:04

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:01

Every year he’s shared his p60 and if he’s underpaid over the year (sometimes he has if he’s got a bonus) then he pays me a one off to make it fair.

as all this notice money will be paid in march it’ll all be in this tax year so if he did the same as normal he’d pay me a larger amount to make it fair over the year.

he did say if he did this then the 1000 a month would stop immediately, which is reasonable.

Show quote history

Surely you are better with 1000 a month. I'm assuming he needs to work and will therefore be looking for a job so the money will continue once he has employment?

As your kids are teens you should be looking at how you will support yourself once the CMA stops. Have you thought about that time? Maybe working full time to support yourself?

Original poster

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:04

He got made redundant around 8’years ago and that time he paid 500 a month rather than the full payment for the 8 months he had off. Would I be reasonable to say when the notice money is gone he should do that again?

OP posts:

SapphireOpal · 02/03/2025 11:05

What he's proposing sounds entirely fair. You've got 6 months to find more work and your kids are mid teens so you're not having to work around school runs etc.

I really do not see ANY problem here.

Original poster

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:06

LadyTable · 02/03/2025 11:04

I haven’t worked full time for 15 years. I do some self employed work at home but I’m really going to notice the missing 1000 if it comes to that.

Are you going to drip-feed the reason for this?

Why did you leave it out of your OP?

It’s not relevant but one child gets dla so with that, tax credits, and the maintenance, I’ve never had to

its mean I’ve been available to take child to hospital appointments

OP posts:

SapphireOpal · 02/03/2025 11:06

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:04

You can suggest it, but he's not going to be earning any money so are you expecting him to keep paying you £500 a month from his savings?

Original poster

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:07

SapphireOpal · 02/03/2025 11:06

You can suggest it, but he's not going to be earning any money so are you expecting him to keep paying you £500 a month from his savings?

Show quote history

That’s what he did last time

OP posts:

SapphireOpal · 02/03/2025 11:08

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:07

That’s what he did last time

Show quote history

That was very kind of him. He's under no obligation to though.

What's your plan for when the kids are 18 and he no longer pays anything?

LadyTable · 02/03/2025 11:09

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:06

It’s not relevant but one child gets dla so with that, tax credits, and the maintenance, I’ve never had to

its mean I’ve been available to take child to hospital appointments

Show quote history

You must've known not working full time because you've never 'had to' was going to come back and bite you though?

What are your plans for when he no longer has to pay in just a few years time?

sprigatito · 02/03/2025 11:09

@SapphireOpal if I lost my job, I would have to support my children out of any savings I might have until I could find another job...wouldn't you? Why shouldn't he?

Comingupriver · 02/03/2025 11:10

YABU. I think you should also consider planning for once the kids are older and CMS stops completely.

Original poster

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:11

LadyTable · 02/03/2025 11:09

You must've known not working full time because you've never 'had to' was going to come back and bite you though?

What are your plans for when he no longer has to pay in just a few years time?

Show quote history

My self employed business is growing now, so by the time the dla, and the maintenance stops that should be sufficient

OP posts:

sprigatito · 02/03/2025 11:12

Comingupriver · 02/03/2025 11:10

YABU. I think you should also consider planning for once the kids are older and CMS stops completely.

Again, are we accepting as normal that a father just washes his hands of his children once the legal minimum obligation expires? Do you plan on cutting off your children on their 18th birthday because you legally can? Mind-boggling.

Purplecatshopaholic · 02/03/2025 11:12

I think you need a plan and a job op. You are coming across here as really grabby - he should not be seen as the gravy train he clearly is. He has been paying more than he has to, which is quite right if he can afford to. Unfortunately for you if he can’t afford to, he doesn’t have to. Your kids are older now - maybe time to think about the future when he won’t be paying you anything and you need to take responsibility…

LadyTable · 02/03/2025 11:13

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:11

My self employed business is growing now, so by the time the dla, and the maintenance stops that should be sufficient

Show quote history

Should be?

Sorry but you're going to be fucked if it doesn't.

And as you know, everyone with their own business expects it to grow, until it doesn't.

Sounds like a bit of a wing and a prayer and very late in the day, considering your teens only have a couple of years of maintenance left.

SapphireOpal · 02/03/2025 11:13

sprigatito · 02/03/2025 11:09

@SapphireOpal if I lost my job, I would have to support my children out of any savings I might have until I could find another job...wouldn't you? Why shouldn't he?

Yes I would, and when my husband was a SAHD after being made redundant we obviously continued paying maintenance to DSC's mum. But he's NOT obliged to and that's the environment the OP has to work within. He's paying £1k a month for 6 months - I don't think this man is doing too much wrong tbh. OP could also get a full time job.

Original poster

WinterSunflowers · 02/03/2025 11:14

sprigatito · 02/03/2025 11:12

Show quote history

To be fair to him he’s said previously that when the cms should stop (it’s direct not collected so we just base the amount of that calc and then he pays 200 more) that he’d support the children directly at uni, or work, or whatever they choose to do. He said the amount would be similar but that was between him and them at that point.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4