To think nurseries seem depressing? Please help me narrow down

[pleaseguveadvicenotattack]

Posting for traffic and help regarding nurseries.

I’ve viewed 8 now and I don’t feel comfortable really leaving my child in any of them. They all seem a bit depressing! However, given I want my child to interact with other children I’ll overlook my concerns as this is my priority. I will also need it likely only 2-3 days a week.

This first nursery has a lot going for it. It has an "Outstanding" Ofsted rating and is owned by an ex-headteacher. It celebrates different cultural events, which is important to me, with events like Chinese New Year and Ramadan. They also have parent Saturdays and family days, which is a nice touch. I haven't seen this level of inclusivity at other nurseries and my child being mixed race in an overwhelming white area, these inclusions even if only on a small level, are somewhat important to me. They seem to offer a tailored childcare approach with twice-daily outdoor time and onsite cook and encourage light risk play which I think is important.

However, I do have a couple of concerns. Firstly, there's no dedicated sleep area, and I saw a child sleeping on their front. This worries me a bit, although the child did seem older (over 1 years old), unlike another nursery I viewed which had a supervised child at 8 months on their front which immediately put me off (I don’t know if I’m being silly!) Secondly, the nursery felt a bit cold and clinical.

The second nursery has a "Good" Ofsted rating. The children seemed happy and there was a generally good vibe. However, there was a smell at the entrance, mold in the baby room, a staff member I wasn't sure about (he appeared quite dopey and all of the staff seemed very young and inexperienced), and an overflowing skip outside. The Ofsted report also mentioned they need to improve consistency of support and encourage independence.

The third nursery has a bright and airy environment, focuses on learning, and has an onsite cook. It seems like there would be lots of interaction for older children and it did seem lively for older children. It had the most inviting and clean atmosphere and the staff seemed switched on and mature. However, there's a long waitlist which is also a good sign I guess - my child would be 1.5 years old before being able to go which is longer than I hoped, and the location is slightly more inconvenient. They haven’t had an Ofsted visit since 2019.

Which nursery would you choose and why?

Have you had any experiences with nurseries like these that you can share?

Any advice appreciated.

Of course some nurseries are better than others, but it's still depressing to have small babies spend the majority of their time in one or two rooms, being looked after as part of a bigger group, by a team of child carers. It's hard to admit because it's the way our culture is structured, but be all know it's not ideal for any child.

I'm glad it's not just me that values inclusivity!!

I'm less concerned about the sleep based on other posters.

Although I ruled one nursery out due to also seeing a baby on their stomach but the child was 8 months as I asked. And what concerned me more was that they were in a sleep room alone being supervised so it's not like no one saw it

school nurseries and preschools take from 2 where I live and they don’t have to be potty trained. Mine stayed at home until then. I didn’t fancy the local nurseries or childminders

That's quite judgemental. I chose a nursery for DC deliberately. Never regretted my decision.

I don't like the idea of childminders. And I live in a crap area I just know I won't be happy with them.

This is a fair point and the two that are top of the list are the only ones that asked me for ID. Interesting...

But even an 8 month old could roll onto their stomach, so I’m really not sure that’s a concern.

My youngest started rolling at 3 months and has consistently slept on her stomach since then, regardless of how much I put her on her back!

I just found I got a vibe when I found the right nursery, I can’t explain it but it just gave me a good feeling and I almost immediately knew I’d be comfortable sending them there.

@Butterfly1947 what was wrong with the son being the admin?!

@LavenderBlue19 I have one more tomorrow to look at and then I'm burned out to be honest! I think I will make a decision and likely put a deposit on 1 and 3

I am very confused why the sole reason for sending a child to nursery is for “socialising”. Do you not have any playgroups or libraries or parks or even supermarkets near you where other children are around? You don’t just need to go to a nursery (especially one you don’t like!) to socialise? Baffled.

This is very common where I am. At the scheduled time for naps the mats are taken out, lights off and the kids sleep with at least one teacher in the room.

Gently you’re being a bit precious about the front sleeping. Most kids by the time they start nursery can roll back and forth so it’s safe for them to sleep on their front if they can get themselves into that position.

No nursery I’ve worked in or sent my kids to has had a dedicated sleep space. In the baby room the cots were in the room, so they were supervised and (for my two) meant they could sleep well even with noise! In the toddler room they slept on mats with blankets and again always slept well.

The first nursery sounds lovely, culture and inclusivity are very important.

My eldest was full time in a nursery. With the next I was a full time Mum. I felt guilty as a working mother but I also felt guilty as a SAHM. DC2 spent so much time being dragged around the place, school runs, hanging around at an activity for an hour, doctor or dentist appointments. I did interact of course but there were occasions when they were shoved in front of TV so I could get the dinner on or shooed away because I needed to help DC1 with homework. I feel that most childminders are a bit like this too, baby just slots into their lives and isn't priority. A nursery is a much more fun environment, i dont think they are depressing. It depends too on the child, some love toys and constant socialising whereas some would be happy to just potter quietly around the kitchen with Mum.

DT’s nursery was a 1:2 ratio for babies - same as they would get at home. There were multiple rooms and outdoor space together with daily outings. All the staff were well qualified - degrees in child development, nursing, teaching and the majority older than me. Two of them became our babysitters.
I wanted to return to work and we had our names down at our preferred nursery whilst I was still pregnant.

It sounds like a lovely nursery. You don't need to justify yourself to me. I'm sure you took the best option available to you at the time.

I still think the idea of small babies spending the majority of their waking hours in nurseries is a bit depressing though.

FWIW I agree. But these threads always turn into people praising their nurseries and subtle backlash to those SAHM/those with nannys/those who use childminders/anything but nurseries.

It's understandable though. Everyone needs to believe they've made the best choice for their DC. Often people don't get a choice because nursery is the cheapest/most readily available option and they have to work. They don't want to hear that the very idea of it is depressing. True though it may be!

I wouldn't necessarily rule out a nursery because of front sleeping, if a baby rolls themselves onto their stomach it means they can roll back again, it's not done just by age but the individual baby?

I'd go nursery 3 from what you've said.

Financially I didn’t need to return to work - I wanted to . DT’s are now in their mid 20’s so I’ve the advantage of seeing that everything worked out well.

Sounds great. I'm so glad it all worked out for you.

I remember finding it bonkers there wasn’t a sleeping area at my son’s nursery, they just got out mats. But all the kids sleep at the same time so they’d make it dark and quiet in there and have a quiet corner for stories for those who couldn’t sleep. My second kid is there now and he sleeps better on a mat in the middle of the nursery than he ever has at home! So don’t let that put you off

I visited 8 nursery's, two had long wait lists, three were awful, one was too small. I was between two both were great on paper but one was slightly cheaper and better location. They were fab with ds.

I looked for-

Cleanliness
Security
Amount of outdoor play/facilities
Menu
Activities
Staff turnover
Communication with parents
Overall feel /children

Children need an adult caregiver with whom they can bond at this age, far more than they need to socialise with peers. They will largely ignore most peers.

I would also say childminder under 2.5/3.

Most childminders will have 2-3 children at most having naps & will run from a family home where there'll be a couple of travel cots in bedrooms for naps.

Indeed about socialising. OP do you not have any socialising opportunities available near you? How old is DC? Are there no playgroups or farms or soft plays etc? That nursery is the only choice?

At my DDs nursery they all slept in prams, or that might have been when they were older.
I sent DD to nursery as I used to go to a lot of playgroups when on maternity, I’d say my opinion of CM at the time was very poor. Lots of them seemed to hate the children they were in charge of and seemed such unpleasant people. My good friend was CM at the time and was very popular and had a wait list. She hated it as a job, didn’t like the children and was just going through the motions.
DD did go to a CM later on but she was new to it, and she never went to playgroups anyway.

The advantage of nursery is they don’t close for illnesses generally and they don’t go on holiday!