To not tell friend about weight loss jab

[Arrivals4lucky]

For the past 6 months I’ve been on a health ‘journey’ - had a lot of weight to lose and decided to do it with the help of a weight loss medication. It’s been transformative for me because I didn’t realise ‘food noise’ was a thing until it was taken away by the medication. I’m under medical supervision & paying for the jab privately. I’m going slow and steady but at the point where the loss is becoming noticeable to others.

one of our circle, someone I see weekly cos of kids is VERY judgy about people’s weight, about obese people etc and has vocally said that overweight people need to do something about it while simultaneously saying jabs are cheating etc.This has never been aimed at me, BTW. and usually someone else changes the subject.

She can be really lovely and obvs this is to do with her own food issues etc so while it’s the one thing I don’t like about her, I don’t let it get to me.

I think my health is my own business. I don’t want to tell people what I’m doing etc. DP says, they’ll notice and they’ll ask so just tell them you’re taking meds and it’s helped. Why be embarrassed?

YABU - tell your friends.

YANBU - keep it private. People
will judge.

‘Lying about this is socially bad for the exact same reason -’

I have little guilt over this. There is a massive obesity crisis in the western world, our food industry is fucked, UPFs are everywhere and this really isn’t up to me to try to solve that.

I’m not lying to anyone - I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business.

There’s someone at work who’s lost half her body weight in a year, but also posts lots of pics at the gym, showing work outs, talking about lifestyle changes and how she’s done it for the kids, how hard it is etc.
Good for her! I suspect she IS using some kind of medication too - again good for her! I have t asked. It’s not my business and I can see how her lifestyle has drastically changed.

I would own it if I were you. If she seems to have a strong opinion of people who take weight loss drugs as cheaters then she will probably suspect anyway, and hold it against you. As you said she probably has her own food issues and struggles so is jealous. She will be too interested in your weight loss for you to lie, and she might ask too many questions which will involve more lying to answer. Tell her how you've done it and be proud. Don't let her bring you down.

I've lost 3.5 stone since October on Mounjaro.

I'm delighted 🤩

I'm quite open about it to people if they ask/comment on my weight loss.
I've been gaining and losing weight since I was about 5 so my weight has never been stable anyway.

Some are interested in how it works - some just say 'wow, great' (who knows what they say out of earshot!)

Like another PP said, if I see someone who's lost a lot of weight recently, I assume they're using injections anyhow.

I think the furore will die down over the next couple of years as the medication evolves and becomes mainstream. It's new, many people don't like or are mistrustful of change. It will pass and something else will be the topic of conversation.

‘So if all your friends lose weight and (falsely) tell you that they done it purely through Diet Plan X then that is likely to have a big effect on you. Thats more or less just how humans work.’

genuinely, not one of my closish friends would come anywhere near meeting the threshold for WL meds. Not even close. They’re all a fit bunch… despite the usually moanings about menopause and getting older etc

Well done! Hope you’re feeling better for it! My joints certainly are for me, which has led to me being able to do more weight bearing type excercise….

@Arrivals4lucky

Oh my goodness, I've never felt so well. I'm mid 50s and it's been a life changer for me. I have about a stone to go. I'm not fixated on calories, or weight loss at all, actually - it just feels normal. I'm just enjoying living life.

And yes, like you, I'm now able to exercise, my knee problem has all but disappeared, my blood sugar is no longer pre-diabetic - so many benefits.

Thanks for the post, OP xx.

I’m not lying to anyone - I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business.

I would agree.

A lot of people have an opinion when someone loses weight.

Some are just really pleased for you for achieving your goal; some liked to think of you as their 'fat friend' and begrudge you entering their 'slim friend' arena; some are jealous and see your success as a slight on themselves; and some will just find a way to criticise your method.

Presumably, you are eating better and less on the jab? If so, if anyone asks and you feel obliged to answer, just say that.

How will you respond if someone asks you outright? Genuinely wondering!

It is the same and totally your choice

im 7m into Mounjaro and have lost 4st. I hadn’t told anyone until my hygienist asked how and she and I are similar in age etc and it felt right to tell her

a colleague contacted me privately and asked for tips on food etc because I’d lost so much etc etc and I ended up telling her

last week my boss - v large, really battling to lose because of health issues etc asked me outright- you on the jabs? I am and it’s not working for me as well as it’s working for you… what’s the secret… (I told him to go up a dose and track food…)

so now all my colleagues know. We had dinner later that night and a couple of them are (coincidentally) trained nutritionists so spoke to me, possibly from concern about medication etc, but I explained how it worked, what it did and what I still have to do to make it work (ie I’m not cheating!) 🤣

so I’m out and proud with work. At the end of the day, love the team and they love me, I have not been as open with everyone, but as the weigh loss increases, everyone notices and I’m guessing now, everyone assumes anyway

but you do whatever is right for you, when it’s right (or not) this is 100% your business

good luck love!

There is such a thing as lying by omission. If someone says "wow, you've lost weight! What's your secret?" (Rude, any which way).

Then if you just say "thanks, I feel great". There's no lie there.

If you say "thanks! It's been a hard slog" or "thanks, diet and hard work" or whatever...that's a deliberate omission, aka a lie. You don't owe the truth to anyone obviously, especially about something private, but making out that something is all down to hard work or will power or whatever when it isn't is a lie however you spin it.

Weight is a very visible thing, hence people asking or talking about it. I have lost weight recently due to new ADHD meds, people have commented and depending on who it is/the phrasing I have either just said "ah really? Thanks" or "yup, my bonkers eating is miles better since I started some new medication" or similar.

If I said "thanks! I've been watching what I eat" or whatever that would be a lie and an omission.

This thread is fascinating.

There is huge emotion around weight - society isn’t kind to larger people. Skinny privilege is real.

so if smaller people see other people losing weight a lot of them don’t like to. They don’t want to lose their skinny privilege.

so they want a way to put the person down - to still feel superior. The sneering that medication is cheating is just that. You still have to diet and exercise - you just don’t feel the overwhelming hunger.

there is a nastiness to those saying you have to disclose medical information - they want to take away from the weight loss. Want to still feel superior.

the physcology behind this is fascinating

Why do you think using a WLI means your weight loss isn’t hard? I still have to count calories, make sensible choices and get myself to the gym 4 times a week. I still feel hungry and have to stop myself snacking. It’s still hard. Just not quite as hard as it would be if I wasn’t using them.

Your basic premise that people are stupid - and overweight people are more stupid than the average person - is completely false.

competent adults research medication, talk to doctors. They understand that a high proportion of the population are on ant depressants and that most won’t want to disclose that.

You view of the basic intelligence of the adult population is depressing.

and trust em - most overweight people have researched the very diet and exercise regime to death!

I don’t know. That’s the issue. I suppose it would very much depend who it was and why they were asking.
A bloke at work once asked me a very personal question about my pregnancy and I told him that it’s was none of his business. An old friend asked a similar question and I told them the truth because I knew they were in a similar situation to the one I had been in.

If someone said ‘what’s your secret??’ In a jokey way I would answer flippantly probably with a ‘ not eating much’ which is true.
If someone overweight asked my if I was using WL meds as they were thinking of doing so but were worried re side effects I would probably talk to them.

I’m honestly hoping no-one asks! It’s not like they’re asking how I got so fat, ( too many calories in) so why the hell should they ask how I’m losing weight ( fewer calories in)

‘would be better if fat people had a correct idea about what sort of things generally worked’

wouldn’t it? Obviously all overweight people are thick as mince and somehow have missed all the info. You should start pointing this out to everyone you know who are carrying extra pounds. Trust me? They’ll really appreciate that… they may not even know they’re overweight!

I think this is spot on.

There is also an element of jealousy, from people who struggle with their weight but who aren't fat enough to qualify for the jabs and who see people on the jabs reaching with (apparent) ease the target they themselves can only meet with willpower alone, iyswim (since, once prescribed, you can stay on the jabs below a weight at which you wouldn't otherwise be prescribed them just for weight loss). Those people fail to take into account the side effects etc, but it's easy to see how that might make people jealous (especially if the person on the jabs is denying it irl and/or coyly claiming online that only they and their GP know how they could possibly have lost such a huge amount of weight in such a short period).

This is a (possible) explanation rather than justification, though, as none if it is anyone else's business!

Hopefully you will find not many people ask you our of the blue. I can't imagine asking someone "how did you do it?" if they themselves didn't bring up the topic! If I wanted to pay them a compliment I would say something like "I like your outfit today, you look great".

I feel the same! Sounds like you have good boundaries though and you’re able to manage these interactions well.

I find people can be quite outspoken (insensitive) when it comes to weight loss.

Good luck with it all!

I like to try and educate the negative people who think 'eat less, move more' is something that long-term obese people have somehow overlooked.

I'm now in my 50s. I've been very overweight for large parts of my whole life. Literally the fat child and teen in a thin family.

I've had disordered eating from fad diets, gym addiction, marathon running, 90-day shreds, etc. and been a standard size for a few months at a time, many times, before regaining all the weight and more, each time.

I'm also very successful in my work. My weight was the thing that ruled my life, made me secretly sad, depressed and feeling less-than.

4 months of Mounjaro has made me realise it's never been my fault. The weight I've never lost around my middle has all but disappeared. My visceral fat has gone from 23 to 14. My insulin processing has stablised. The 'food noise' I've lived with for 50+ years has gone.

Part of this has been a suppressed appetite, I'm not interested in food unless I'm genuinely hungry, but that's a side effect of the way the medication 'fixes' the insulin process and stabilise blood glucose. It's a MEDICATION for the chronically obese, that fixes something that didn't work properly.

I'm delighted that it's available and hope that more and more people safely find benefits from it.

That's how I felt on starting my ADHD meds. All the shitty decisions I have made around food started to melt away, it was never just me being crap or immature or having no will power or whatever else I have told myself over the years. Which is why I have no issues talking to people about it really.

The change in not feeling hungry all the time has been amazing, I used to go from okay to absolutely starving in such a short space of time that it was genuinely tricky to handle food choices and more importantly portions.

Was never big on junk food or fast food but now the idea of eating foods like McDonalds or crisps or high processed food is literally repulsive. And because I’m not ravenous at meal times I’m probably eating half of what I had previous and my life long sweet tooth has disappeared .

It sounds the very much the same, @Barrenfieldoffucks - all those years of feeling inferior because other people seemed able to do 'simple' things that defeated us.

Just such a revelation to have the cycle broken.

It didn't take long before a few ignorant comments found their way on to this thread and it is just exhausting honestly.

I have been obese for most of my life. I'm also very successful, motivated and intelligent.

1. Calories in V calories out may be the lowest common denominator when it comes to weight loss but anyone who utters that sentence and then stops is either deluded or intentionally nasty.

It completely disregards the effects of numerous additional factors that a person could be dealing with in their life or their health that means that calories in V out is not the same equation from one person to the next.

2. Weight and weight loss is visible, but so is, for example, losing hair due to chemotherapy, being an amputee, having a skin condition etc. I'm sure people who live with those conditions face unimaginable ignorance, but weight attracts headlines and a media narrative that gives some kind of social permission to have an opinion on what it means to be fat even if that has never been your lived experience. It wouldn't be tolerated with any other condition in the way it is tolerated with obesity - obesity isn't even recognised as an actual medical condition by the majority of people!

3. The notion that not "admitting" to people how weight has been lost is somehow deceitful is an extension of point 2 above.

I live my daily life in a society that rejects me, thinks less of me for how I look, and judges me and makes assumptions about me without knowing the details. If not to my face then behind my back. Now you want me to educate people out of their own ignorance and arrogance too? No I don't think so. It's not my responsibility to educate anyone on weight loss, and I'm not being deceitful by not shouting from the rooftops about how I did it.

4. The comment about how people who have lost weight are wanting attention or whatever nonsense it said, after a lifetime of being either completely invisible or heavily criticised for how much you weigh, of course it would be nice to get compliments and some positive attention. I totally understand that and anyone who judges someone for it, you are showing your true colours.

Personally I hate the thought of it and I hope I don't get comments. I have achieved so much in my life but I know that to some people losing weight will be the only "achievement" they congratulate me on. I'd rather stay invisible thanks.

Finally, to those who don't think it will be an issue or people won't really comment, people do comment, perfect strangers ask intrusive and rude questions all the time. Again because fat people are devalued, they are prime target for the lack of respect that such intrusion stems from. Walk a day in an obese person's shoes before you dismiss really valid worries.

@captivate well said!

Update! Friend asked!
and I feigned surprise then said ‘ honestly if I were I wouldn’t tell anyone because I would consider it too personal’ … ‘why would you care anyway?’

Cue a lot of old rubbish about ‘cheating’, diabetics being denied life saving meds ( obvs that’s bull) it not being fair on people who did it properly… and after all that I just said - if someone qualifies for whatever reason and has it prescribed then then must need it and it’s there business and luckily someone else came over in the park and we moved on… but I could see her giving me ‘interested’ looking glances so I’m not sure I’ve heard the end of this!