To not tell friend about weight loss jab

[Arrivals4lucky]

For the past 6 months I’ve been on a health ‘journey’ - had a lot of weight to lose and decided to do it with the help of a weight loss medication. It’s been transformative for me because I didn’t realise ‘food noise’ was a thing until it was taken away by the medication. I’m under medical supervision & paying for the jab privately. I’m going slow and steady but at the point where the loss is becoming noticeable to others.

one of our circle, someone I see weekly cos of kids is VERY judgy about people’s weight, about obese people etc and has vocally said that overweight people need to do something about it while simultaneously saying jabs are cheating etc.This has never been aimed at me, BTW. and usually someone else changes the subject.

She can be really lovely and obvs this is to do with her own food issues etc so while it’s the one thing I don’t like about her, I don’t let it get to me.

I think my health is my own business. I don’t want to tell people what I’m doing etc. DP says, they’ll notice and they’ll ask so just tell them you’re taking meds and it’s helped. Why be embarrassed?

YABU - tell your friends.

YANBU - keep it private. People
will judge.

I agree - sure, it's your own business what medication you take, but I wouldn't lie to my friends' faces, even by omission. If she doesn't ask, of course you don't have to volunteer anything at all, but why not be honest about how you're losing weight? It would be very weird if you guys have always talked about dieting, weight, etc, to suddenly pretend you've magically discovered the secret (but lying about what it is).

It's not lying, it's just not telling nosey parkers or oversharing medical information.

I would tell my close friends if they asked and my DH knows. Other than that people can keep their beaks out.

What if you're asking somebody who has

a) left the person who was raping her every night whilst she was asleep
b) had somebody die and the side effect of this death has been not having to work three jobs to fund their drug debts
c) has relapsed into Bulimia or Anorexia
d) was brutally sexually assaulted and can't bring themselves to eat anything due to the trauma
e) is now in an abusive relationship and part of this has resulted in significant weightloss and an absolute terror of anybody finding out
f) was so upset about how people treated them that they've started buying amphetamines

?

Nobody owes you the right to corner them and ask them prying questions on the basis that 'well, they don't have to answer me' - there are many reasons beyond a simple not wanting to be put on the spot by a nosey parker who's just looking for some gossip.

You seem to have no problem telling everyone on the internet about your own situation (which noone asked about, or is interested in tbh) so it feels strange you'd object so much to being asked about it in real life.

But regardless, most people who are losing weight do not have any deep seated trauma or history of abuse; theyre just a bit too keen on the chocolate biscuits

If people ask questions about things I want to keep private, I start by being vague but if they persist I have to lie. I’m not going to reveal something just because someone wants me to.

Like in many cases, there's a dichotomy between what is best for the individual, and what is best for society.

From a individual perspective, there is obviously a strong incentive to lie about taking weight loss jabs. This might be because you are embarrassed, or because you want the praise from having lost weight without "cheating", or because you have managed to convince yourself that you could have done it without the jabs (or any other reason).

However from a social perspective, it is an incredibly bad idea to have a lot of the population losing weight through jabs and lying about it, because it creates a distorted picture of what weight loss is like. If you are struggling with weight loss and believe that everyone around you is losing weight without a struggle (due to the jabs they are lying about) then it makes it more difficult to make rational choices.

Hopefully as weight loss jags become more prominent, the stigma will decrease. Back in 2010 it would have been mortifying to admit you'd met your partner through internet dating, wheras these days its no big deal

Totally fine as it's no one else's business (and it's rude of them to pry) but don't kid yourself that they don't know that you're on the jabs.

Not that this is any individual's responsibility but pp upthread make the valid point that denying being on WLI feeds into the narrative that "now that I've stopped being lazy and greedy, the weight has just dropped off!" (which is, of course, bollocks!).

That's my decision. Not somebody else's - and it has the advantage of being anonymous, which is somewhat different to being asked outright. There are also things that I choose not to put out there.

People I ikea and are non judgy I tell.

People who are dicks in general or dicks about being over weight or exercise I nonchalantly tell them "just eat less and move more, I don't know why I didn't do it years ago"

Underweight, overweight, over exercising, lazy - its all so much pressure. Pressure that is usually brought about by other people.
Your weight is your business, no one else's.

You are watching your diet and trying to eat healthily, that's all you have to say. Especially to people who have inflexible, often ill informed, opinions and are really just being nosey.

Remember once you start telling people, you will open yourself up to all kinds of unwanted conversations.

You seem to have no problem telling everyone on the internet about your own situation (which noone asked about, or is interested in tbh) so it feels strange you'd object so much to being asked about it in real life.

You understand the concept of an anonymous forum, right?

I was actually thinking about medical stuff generally. Like fertility/TTC most people can guess the situation but I don’t necessarily want to talk about it.

I sure a genuine ‘how did you lose the weight?’ is very easy to tell apart from people who just want to gossip and judge.

It’s nobody’s business but I don’t spend time with people who I can’t be myself around. Life’s too short for shallow friendships.

I think you can say whatever you want when you lose weight but people are always going to assume it's through weight loss jabs these days so I don't think there is much point in lying about it.
I'd like to think I'd have no trouble in telling people I was using a weigh loss jab and that if they said I was cheating not caring.

I have lost 4 stone (the natural way) in the last 12 months. My friend has also lost 4 stone (and has the injections). We both feel great and are happy for each other. It’s nobody’s business how we do it! Do what suits you OP!

Only my husband and GP know I'm on it.

I wouldn't share the other medication I'm on with close friends, so why would I share this one?

Obvs if I suddenly collapsed with them and had to tell a medical professional my medications whilst they were with me, then they'd hear! But I'd also expect them to "forget" it or never mention it again.

I hope the stigma dies down soon so that people can be honest about it. I totally understand why people aren't open about it at the moment, but it's really hard when people around you are having the weight "just melt off, no idea how!" and you wonder what's so wrong with you that you can't do it (I've struggled with disordered eating in the past and it's hard not to fall back into that!)... and then later on you find out they're using the jabs.

I'm thrilled for them that it's working, and it's their private medical situation which they're at no obligation to disclose, my mental health is my responsibility to maintain... I just hope that eventually we move towards everyone feeling able to be open about weight loss jabs, even if some choose not to disclose still.

But would you expect someone to disclose what medication they’ve started taking that makes them not feel suicidal anymore? Or would you consider that inappropriate to ask?
Why do people think anyone owes the general public total honesty in what medication they’re using, just because it’s for weight loss? Enough people have said they’d presume someone who had lost lots of weight was using the jabs so why expect someone to spell it out?
The way I’ve lost weight is nobody’s business, regardless of how I’ve done it.

I'm not expecting anyone to disclose anything - I'm just saying that I hope the stigma dies down soon so that people feel able to disclose it if they want to, because I think it's great when people feel able to be honest with each other.

People have become more open over the last ten years about mental health medications which is great, because it leads to more openness. That doesn't mean anyone is expected to disclose, or that we should judge anyone who doesn't disclose - just that it's good the stigma has reduced. Hopefully the same will happen for WLI. 🙂

‘ It would be very weird if you guys have always talked about dieting, weight, etc, to suddenly pretend you've magically discovered the secret (but lying about what it is).’

I dont talk to anyone about dieting or weight. I’m not interested in those conversations so when it comes up I’m quiet or I change the subject. Like many overweight people I don’t want to sit around talking about dieting, particularly not with slim people who do t appear to need to lose weight at all.
It’s boring. I’ve always found it boring. So I won’t be pretending Anything because just as before I won’t be talking about dieting or weight.

this thread has been really helpful! And I am absolutely not going to be telling anyone unless I’m good and ready and actually want to.

I think it's because people judge overweight people so much.

I have 3st to lose & have been contemplating taking them for a while.

Thing is I'd prefer to just loose it through diet & exercise .... but since that hasn't happened in the last decade.... but I'm very concerned about the long term health implications and trying to do it slowly seems more sustainable... but it's very tempting

Anyway... my point was people are very judgy about weight. They really do see being overweight as some kind of moral failing... it's actually infuriating!

You do you op. Don't worry what anyone else thinks x

🙌

I made the mistake of telling one lady I knew that I had tried and stopped doing ozempic because it made me feel so bloody sick. She just doesn't believe Ive stopped and keeps on asking me about weight loss. Wish I had NEVER mentioned it

All those of you saying “You can lie/refuse to say all you want - people will know” - have none of you ever known anyone who lost a lot of weight before? Mounjaro, Saxenda etc. are relatively recent developments - surely people didn’t just get fat and stay fat until they came onto the market?

I lost three stone in my twenties (and found it again in my thirties) - this was long before appetite control medication. Why would you now assume it’s impossible to do it without jabs?