No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

I just said your late that's made me late and walked off.
I wasn't about to engage it was DDs actual bday we had another event planned later on with grandparents.

The children whose parents didn't bother to RSVP have not been singled out by OP. She had no intention of depriving kids of food - she went to very great lengths to make sure that all the parents of those invited knew exactly what the arrangements were. And issued reminders.
You say that OP was trying to "prove a point". What point exactly? Deliberately punishing kids whom she wasn't expecting because their parents hadn't bothered to RSVP? That would be a very cold and calculated move and I see no evidence of OP being either of those.
It is obvious that she was trying very hard to make sure that the food was suitable and appropriate given that there were allergies to be taken into account. Maybe it would have been a good idea to provide extra food for kids not expected, but that hardly counts as "awful behaviour". Get a grip!
Shame on you for your nasty, spiteful, ignorant comments which are entirely unhelpful and totally uncalled for

You are implying OP was "happy" not to feed children she wasn't expecting.

I see no evidence of her being happy.

Your comment is judgemental.

Big difference between us.

and yet I STILL wouldn't have children I invited to my kids birthday party, that I was responsible for, sit there without food while everyone else around them ate.

There are no circumstances that I wouldn't feed my childrens 8 year old FRIENDS that were in my care - not even to spite or punish their lousy parents.

(these children 100% were in her care, invited to her event, if she wanted them to be so or not).

I would have made 35 boxes instead of 32. It would have been no extra trouble at all, and all the 8 year old children in my care would have a lunch instead of being left out.

Yes the parents were completely unreasonable and are definietly cheeky fuckers but on mumsnet people will congratulate you and give you a pat on the back for doing this but in reality I wouldn’t have let those kids sit there with nothing whilst everyone else ate and said “tough luck your parents didn’t RSVP”.

The reason cheeky fucker parents do it is because they get away with it. For the exact reason that many people are oooo poor child. What because they didn’t get half a sarnie at 1pm. You prepared food for those expected if wasn’t a buffet so you couldn’t just pull more food out your bum and I also wouldn’t have made extra boxes.

They didn’t rsvp, they arrived late, didn’t then even see the op to say they were there, no card, no gift, late to collect. Then to top it off moaned at the op for not feeding these children who at that point shouldn’t have even been there.

yanbu

@RobinEllacotStrike but she didn't know she had to make up another 3 boxes. Are you saying you expect people to make up the number of boxes for invite children just in case?

@JoyousEagle you'd have a contact number though as you would message and say hi we can make the date but depends on location - then you share the location and you would then reply back rsvp yes or no. The issue is by putting the location on the invite, the invites for out at school and you don't always have the parent contact hmber to chase and find out if they are coming.

You made things very clear OP

And we all know those 2 DC shouldn't have been dumped off on you at the last minute for free childcare knowing that you wouldn't have food for them

The kids were dumped on her; she wasn't voluntarily hosting them or caring for them. Their parents are lucky OP didn't call the police to report abandoned children.

What are people failing to understand about the parents' repeated failure to respond to communication about the party? Guests have obligations; it's not a one-way street.

If the kids were sitting there watching others have treats, that is 100 percent on their lazy, negligent parents.

I don't think you were unreasonable and the parent was highly unreasonable to complain.

My first thought was that a few spare boxes would have been a good idea but having read that you didn't get a chance to talk to the parents I've changed my mind. Because of allergies. Without a chance to confirm what they can eat I wouldn't be comfortable anymore giving kids food just in case they have an allergy to something. I know it's more likely that they don't and could probably have something low risk like cucumber or carrot sticks but even then. Why should you take that risk?

You did the right thing. Poor kids but also: the parents will hopefully get an earful from their kids and learn from it!

Not a good look punishing children for their parents mistakes. I could never do that to young children who may not understand why they are being deprived in this way. Not their fault. Hope your child isn't punished by this and still gets invites to future parties

Have you even read the thread?

The OP could hardly be expected to cater for people who didn't say they would be in attendance!

Yes I've read the thread I would have managed to get food organised somehow, why leave kids with nothing? Not their fault their parents are idiots. Just my opinion, kids are not responsible for the actions of their parents. They're 8 year olds fgs

And risk allergies when the parents didn't even hang around to let them know either way?

Well done for following through. The parents won't learn if they keep on getting away with it.

Did they at least bring a present?

I’ve thrown a very similar party and had a plate of ham sandwiches and a plate of cheese and a few extra packs of snacks to hand out to any kids who wanted extra. I wouldn’t have punished the kids for their parents being shit. There is one little girl in DDs class who’s mum was always terrible like this. She didn’t look well cared for at all. The mum has since abandoned her totally and she is looked after by her grandmother who seems to take better care of her. No way would I have wanted that little girl sat at DDs party, an escape from a miserable life, with no food while the others scoffed theirs.

it’s absolutely not putting your niece at risk to have a few extra sandwiches just in case.

Totally agree. Not sure why people think the parents were punished? They may have been annoyed their child wasn't fed but it was the child that had to sit there with nothing watching their friends eat the party food, the child was punished

As a parent of a child with allergens by 8 they were well aware of what they could and couldn't have. I'm not excusing the parents behaviour but the punishment of that behaviour was put on the child. They have no control over the actions of the adults and should not be punished for them.

No child was "punished," ffs.

Unexpected guests got playtime and a cupcake. The party was 90 minutes, no danger of starvation. 🙄

The OP isn't a mind reader. Hosts aren't required to overcater in case gatecrashers barge in.

As the OP says, this is far from her first kiddies birthday party - none of this is new. As a mum of 2 I have also thrown many childrens birthday parties - so I would have made some spare boxes, lets say 3 - for extra kids who's parents didn't RSVP, the extra sibling who appears unnannounced, to replace the dropped sandwich, extra for hungry kids. It is zero % difficult and zero % inconvencience to me doing this.

Its a bouncy castle in a hall, not a seat at the Four Seasons - none of this is difficult, expensive or even any extra work.

But keep raging at the arsehole parents. Enjoy watching the supposed FRIENDS of your young children, there at your invitation, sit with their friends without any food watching their FRIENDS eat.

Actually kids aren't dickheads the way adults can be so I'm sure those 8 year olds with food would have shared with their friends.

No, not even a card for her.

Beyond rude of the parent, you did the right thing in my eyes. Kids mirror their parents, next time the kid can remind the parent to rsvp.

Next time it will be RSVP if you want to know when and where it is. That way chances of none RSVP showing is lower. Not fool proof as parents do talk to each other.

They knew exactly what they were doing because it was clear on the invite their child wouldn’t get fed. They were shocked when OP didn’t give in when they dumped their child on her without even a hello or a birthday card.

They might think twice in the future.