Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Yes life today is hard for everyone. Everyone is trying to do their jobs, raise their families and get by.

Many posters have slated teachers, one quote that stands out is that teachers are self flagellating perfectionists..that's a lot of animosity towards a teacher trying to do their job.
People are busy and have chosen to opt out for a multitude of reasons, just let the teacher know.

It seems that people believe teachers are judging them which they aren't. They just want the books back to do their job and send them home with the next child. The expectation is that the book will go home in the bag and come back each day, if the teacher knows this can't be done, they'll keep the book in school.

Teachers are normal people with their own children who are exhausted and also hate homework but they know that daily reading is a necessity and they want you to help your child reach their potential while they try to do the same in school.

Everyone just wants the best for the kids. If you can't or choose not to engage with it, just let the teacher know. They might even try to arrange five minutes extra to listen to your child since they know you can't get to it at home. We're all on the same side.

There is a fair amount of evidence that homework is not valuable for primary age children, and most certainly for lower primary. We do read at home, but books my child picks and for fun. Note that he doesn't actually get homework yet so I am not disengaged as such. But I would be if a 5 year old was getting regular homework. He is exhausted after being on best behaviour and learning all day. Many parents work shifts. Many have other children, and multiple extra curricular activities (far more valuable than homework). I can see so many reasons at the Y1 stage. Now if this was Y8 I would have a different view.

They are Y1. Those children weren’t at school during the Covid lockdown 5 years ago….

Maybe it’s time to stop blaming lockdowns right left and centre.
Whilst ignoring Covid that is still very much present.

When did primary homework become a thing? I never had any, my daughter used to have reading to do, that was it. I’m not convinced there’s any educational advantage to it as it completely relies on parents to oversee it- doesn’t it just emphasise any inequalities? By high school a child might at least have enough independence and reading ability to be able to do homework by themselves.
I used to mark primary school maths homework and the same children would get full marks and the same other children would get poor marks (as there had been no overseeing parent) week after week. So depressing.

A lot of countries don't supply pencils for schools and expect children to bring it in.
A lot of people here praise Scandinavian education. In Denmark the child has a pencil case from day one with pencils, colouring pencils, sharpner, eraser, ruler, scissors and glue. Danes don't expect school to provide these things.

I'm a teacher. Our children all wear active uniform on PE days - just carried on after Covid and it works really well. Saves ages. Children aren't expected or encouraged to bring in pencils - just makes for arguments and sad children when they get lost.

I hate setting homework but am required to by the school. It's not my job to tell parents what to do in their free time and I'm fully aware children grow up with very different experiences and opportunities. Yes reading of course but I've seen enough volcanoes where a child has had absolutely no input! Better to support the parents who want it with ideas of how to support their child at home.

Why are you sending reminders? Is that also a council policy? You said parents can opt out of homework. It would make more sense to send them a reminder to do that and everyone would be happy. There is absolutely no way I would want my child to do homework or to sit a spelling test every week at that age. I know, as a teacher, you take a lot of work home but it is generally not something which is encouraged in an average workplace. So why would I want to teach my child to do that? School work should be done in school hours. I also don't want to teach my child that reading is homework. Reading is for pleasure.

My DS school has them stay in at break on Friday to do any unfinished homework. This started in Y3. They get 20 games TTRS, 20 games Spelling Shed and three reads per week of 10-15 mins each.
At first, loads of kids had to stay in. Now it’s barely any!

Also please, please stop sending dozens of repetitive emails every week. Keep the communication to only very important messages otherwise it is so easy to miss the one crucial email in an avalanche of “uniform expectations reminder” (yes I know you’ve emailed about it 17 times this term) , “school weekly newsletter”, “school monthly newsletter “, “behaviour expectation reminder”.
and then whoops how come did the parents miss the crucial consent form for a trip? Hopefully you can see how…
I have three stepchildren and my DH counted how many emails the school sent him in one week (22!) When does it become spamming?

No I didn't. I said some schools are resorting to that as it's such a problem with reading books not being returned and there is no longer a budget to replace them. My school has just spent thousands on a new reading scheme which is more up to date. Already there are loads missing, ripped and bent 😢

Personally I find homework the bain of my life.

The kids are at school long enough (ours are there until 4pm)
They are tired and have had enough.
Im exhausted or am working night shifts and am relying on childcare who won’t do it with them.

I wish school and it’s work would stay there and stop invading home time.

And yet, parents will still expect their dcs to meet the standard in reading, numeracy etc…

I get what you’re saying about things being hard for everyone. But does it mean we also need to be kind to teachers because they’re working in crap circumstances and let them off the hook re the children achieving appropriate progress aka the teachers not meeting expectations?

I get what you're saying about schools providing pencils, but that's not on the teacher. It's not fair to say, 'well the school should provide pencils so I won't bother', because that means that the TEACHER has to provide pencils, which they'll have to pay for themselves. The teacher and the institution of the school are not the same thing, and it's not fair to take your frustration with the institution out on someone just trying to do their job.

I wouldn't do any homework that involved a screen. Send paper home or don't bother. As for reading books, is there really any need to read the same book every day in school and every night at home? Presumably it's a short book so would they read the whole thing ten times? The child must be thoroughly bored of it by Tuesday night. At my kids school they send 2 books home and you keep them for a week. They ask you to read them both 3 times which I've never managed - child just refuses to keep reading the same thing (they've also read it in school 3 times the week before!) but at least you don't have to remember to send it in every single day.

I'm supportive of learning but I really don't see the benefit for a 5 year old of doing more of the same stuff they do in school all day. I minimise their screen time, they don't have their own device and they certainly aren't doing homework on my phone or work laptop. I also don't have a printer. My year one child is starting to read stories independently which is great but if she wants to spend that couple of hours in the evening playing with her sister or jumping off the sofa or doing some cutting and sticking then I wouldn't stop her to make her do school work.

I haven't read the whole thread. DD is reception. We get a 'bingo' of 9 activities to complete over a term, that's manageable as most are things we do already e.g. go for an autumn walk, practice your coat, look for the number 2 etc. We read virtually every night, school reading is adding a level to it. Our current reading is a red word ditty sheet of 10 words, a short story book and a ditty book with 3 stories of 3 pages each. I aim for the 10 red words and 1 of the others. She's 5!

Multiple issues...

My kid hates reading the books sent, he does like to spell out random words so we just do that instead. 6 hours at school is hard for young kids, especially with asc. They just need time to unwind and relax and be kids, play!

Exhausted. Working shifts and co parenting with a 50/50 split makes things even harder. I just want o spend time with my kids not nagging at them.

It's not supporting learning if it's making them hate learning.

Keep them at home.

You're looking at this the wrong way.

There are many ways that parents can and do support their child's learning at home. Talking, reading playing, singing, listening.Taking them to the library, museums, the park, swimming. Providing a good structure and routine to their day. Building confidence, social skills, resilience. Modelling good behaviours Etc etc etc.

What parents shouldn't be doing is teaching the curriculum at home.

If you must have parents read specific books or practice specific spellings, then you need to engage with them. Bring them in to school, show them what you want then to do, and tell them why they need to do it.

Of course, if your rational is "because we've always done it like this" you're not going to convince many parents that it's worth their time and effort.

Your school need the kids to provide pencils?
DC always had/have correct people kit, uniform etc
We did reading (luckily they found reading enjoyable) but other things like spelling rarely happened. After working full time, DC at child minder until 6. I wasn't going to battle and stress them over homework of an evening. Weekends we do things together as a family and chores. We tried to fit some in, but it doesn't always happen.
In highschool DC now does homework independently and we support if needed and go through it together sometimes.

Personally we did encourage our child to do homework - but when the teacher gets the spelling wrong (more than once) it does not encourage respect. Also the time allowed was generally far too little, we'd be given 8 spellings to learn by the next day and our child might be doing other things that evening. It was only supposed to take 15 minutes - what a joke.

I do know parents who didnt make an effort and there were varying reasons. For several it was "school didnt do anything for me" so no expectation their children would get anything from it. So they think their children will get more out of playing. Then even in affluent areas there are poor families where they cant always afford lights on and the kids go to bed early to be less cold.

The methods used in primaries when my child was small were not the ones used when we were at school. So when it got onto maths homework we were expected to teach something we didnt know. Those methods didnt suit our child either, they learnt better using older methods. No idea what the current learning fads are but be aware the children's parents may not know them.

I’ve got teens and primary age kids. I was far more engaged with homework when I could fish a sheet out of their bags. Now I have to log into an app, find the files, they don’t open properly, my printer won’t connect to print them, etc etc. I have to use my work laptop as other than that just have a phone which is useless for online homework. There are too many barriers.

I’d also say that now I’m mid a levels with my eldest, the importance of learning this week’s spellings with the youngest seems diminished somewhat. If they enjoy learning and going to school each day at primary age then I’m happy.

Wow! How times have changed. I remember the excitement of my girls when we used to shop for their pencil cases and stationary. Sometimes they would save their pocket money even. We would practice maths skills by working out how much they had in pocket money and change from that.

It was the same for me at school. I’m only early 40’s by the way and my children are early 20’s/ late teens.
I would much rather the school spends money toward educational trips or other resources for the children.

What a shame that it’s come to this in society. I can understand if parents re in low income however and cannot afford the basics.
I would also read and we would do spelling and numbers just once a week.

The amount of mumsnetters moaning about schools on here and yet the amount of posts advising this teacher is unreasonable?

My child behaves beautifully at school, but really does not respond well to tasks at home. Reading is simply not worth my time and energy, and I don't have much going spare. I'm not a teacher, Im not as native speaker of the language she's learning in. Maths I can help with and I do. We try and pack the bag the night before, but they often change the library day without telling us. I only check the app once a week now because I was getting stressed by constant notifications about stuff that didn't matter.

I have to say I’m quite shocked by the answers on this thread.
My dcs are much older (Theyre at Uni now) but you’d never have seen a thread like this before.
Taking the risk of looking like an old grumpy woman, ‘in my time’ (very tongue in cheek! 😜😜) there was no discussion on how tired parents were after a full day at work so there was no way they could make the dcs read. Or re spellings.

fwiw having had a child who struggled with reading and writing/spelling, doing some homework/extra work, 10mins a day, never more, made a huge difference to him.

I support with homework and reading but do use my personally judgement when not to force dc1 to do it as sometimes it’s not worth it (asd).

When it come to indoor shoes, my dc school ask for wellies and full waterproofs which I’m getting lax with, as dc never wear them and after 2 year of them being unworn and my child coming home soaking wet. Yes I asked why they’re not wearing the wellies/ waterproof and get told they weren’t allowed to put them on. Yes I checked with TA who admitted that there was no time in the school day to actually let the children get them on.