leaving children & step children our house in our will.

[GingerStephenson]

My husband finished paying for his house when we were still courting. Since then we have married & lived together (for approximately 9 years). As we have gotten older, there has been discussions about selling up, moving away, & what to do regarding the house once we have passed. The discussions only ever mention him, myself & his children. I don't want to sound like I'm 'money grabbing' but what about my children. its such a difficult topic to discuss as I only had rented accommodation, however, I have contributed, financially, to the house since living together. Please advise & TIA.

How much do you anticipate giving to your children?

IMO, it makes sense it would go to his children, given he paid it off before you lived there. It’s his house.

And - given you haven’t paid rent for 9 years… where’s that gone, can you give that to your kids?

I would think the norm would be he leaves his estate to his own kids? Or perhaps it would be shared between you and his kids?

I wouldn’t expect your children to benefit unless they inherit on your death.

Your DCs will inherit from their parents that's you and their father!

If you both have nothing to leave them because you didn't earn enough, were unlucky or just not financially savvy then they don't inherit anything.

Them's the breaks sadly.

In what way have you contributed to the house? What have you done with the money you would have paid in rent for the last 9 years?
FWIW, I think your DH should leave the house to his children but give you the right to remain in it until you either remarry / cohabit or die. That’s what my DM did with her house and my stepfather.

If you have contributed significant chunks of money to the house, like tens of thousands then YANBU but if it's less than your rent would have cost then YABU as its his house, paid for before you were living together.

My parents have both remarried and owned their own homes, they will go to us, their children, not step children and my step mums/dad's assets will go to step children. Anything shared since they remarried will be split.

So unless you sell, buy a new house and you pay the mortgage then it's his house for his kids.

I would hope you'd be given a life interest with the house left to his children when you pass.

How much have you paid in to the house? How much have you saved by living with him? How much do you think is fair to give your kids?

What happened to your house when you moved in with him?
Presumably you also had/ have an income which you've been able to save by living mortgage/ rent free for 9 years. What are your plans for those funds?
Have or will your children also inherit from their father?
Morally the most you can expect is a life interest in the house if he passes before you

Why should your children be entitled to anything from your partner's estate?

If you die first, how much will you leave his children?

I think the op feels her DC should get some portion as she has paid into the current property too.

It depends on what you've paid into the property. Was it his kids childhood home or anything?

My DH and I are splitting everything three ways. I had 2 DC when we got together and we’ve had one together since. We earn pretty similar amounts and have totally pooled money and bought our house together.

however, I have contributed, financially, to the house since living together.

How much?

Unless you've paid large chunks of unringfenced money into an extension (which would have been very unwise) then why would your children be entitled to part of a house this man had already paid off when you met him?!

I don't want to sound like I'm 'money grabbing' but what about my children.

If your DH dies first and he wants to leave his house or money to his children and you then it gets split as he wishes. If you want your children to have something take it out of your share or wait until you die and leave them what’s left. You say his house was paid off whilst you were still courting so he paid for that and got it paid off so why do you think your children should be entitled to any of it?

You need advice from an estate planner. Otherwise you could end up with a complete mess. MN is full of posts about inheritance catastrophes due to ignorance of the law.

You didn’t bring assets into the marriage so I think it is entirely reasonable he leaves it to his children not yours. I hope he leaves you a life interest in it though.

Great advice.

He finished paying the mortgage when you two were still dating. The house should be left to his children only with you being able to stay in the property until your death.

Your children will benefit from what is willed to you.

Children aren’t owed inheritance from step parents.

What about your children?

You clearly think they are owed something from the sale of the house as you have lived there for nine years. I guess the starting point is what have you contributed in that time? Monthly upkeep (ie rent equivalent) or capital investment/improvements?

What is your personal estate looking like? Have you got intentions of leaving anything to his children?

Depends on the contribution you say you have made but it is just for running costs and general living expenses I don’t see why you would expect your kids to get a stake in the house in his will. If I was your DH I would have protected my house already in the event if my death.

I’m assuming the children aren’t young?

I don’t see why they would inherit from a property that was fully paid off when you were still in the early stages of the relationship.

How old are your children? Has your husband had a parental role with them? If they are adults and still see their dad I'm not sure they will have the same expectations as you do to inherit from the house. It may feel different to them if they are still children and have grown up in the house with step siblings who are a similar age.
What I think you could do is have a conversation with your husband about how you would like to give your children something and how you could achieve that. I am assuming you are the lower earner. How do your joint finances work? If your husband is happy for you to reduce your contribution to household maintenance and joint bills could you start to save something for your kids?

I wouldn't leave my house to my step kids.