Old friend came to see me

[Creek2025]

So me and my partner moved away to another country an old friend invited herself over for 2 weeks although not staying with us we feel as though we have to see our friend everyday as they are on their own.

the thing is we have work and our normal routine and dog routine we are trying to accommodate as much as we can offering to make food and showing her around the place but it’s becoming a bit hard, tiring and very expensive as we can’t afford to be eating out all of the time and doing things every single day and night around work as aren’t on holiday we live here. Although so nice to see her.

how do you politely say we need a day off we don’t want to appear rude like we don’t want to spend time with her but she just booked the dates that suited her and for that period of time.

Help

How did you get on today op?

Friendly? You’ve not been here long have you 😂

"We're not going out until the weekend, but we'll see you then!"

"We can't afford to go out every night, so as long as you're buying!"

Honestly what's so difficult about just saying what you mean?

Them: "I'm coming over on these dates"

You: "Awesome, just FYI we'll only be around at the weekend!"

Ignore

I don't understand why the visitor doesn't treat part of the time or at least pay their own way.I agree with those of you who suggested being busy so as not to entertain the whole 2 weeks.

Then find a backbone!

Sorry Beryl. We did warn you this wasn't the best time because we're working

We can see you at the weekend and we can go to such-and-such a place but weekdays are just impossible

Maybe see you Friday night. We recommend these restaurants if you still want to go out to eat
Love Creek

An.old friend has travelled a long way to see you. Spend time with her. I know it can be tiring showing people round but maybe she doesn't feel confident on her own. Perhaps you can book her a guided tour one day and say you'll meet her the day after?
I lived in a different country for 20.years and one friend (!) came to see me. I think you're lucky to have a friend like that and you should value it. It's two weeks out of your year.

Just say: oh so we will catch up again on Wednesday as i have a few bits going on. Perhaps you can look into an excursion?

She's a CF!

OP, she is a complete user.
No one needs friends like this.
Better to fall out than remain being used. IMO.

She just sounds nervy and entitled. You don’t owe her anything and she should be offering to take you both out to dinner this weekend as a thank you for hosting her when you could. I’d put a pin in this one, bye bye balloon. Ugh

You are not responsible for her happiness.
You are not responsible for entertaining her.
You are not required to be there all the time. She is having a holiday. You are living your normal routine.
If she is nervous, bored, unable to entertain herself that does not make it your problem .

so true

You’ll just have to be honest with her and tell her that you can’t meet up due to work/family commitments and you’re tired. Explain that due to the cost of living you cannot afford to go out all the time. It’s not your fault that she insisted on coming over and she needs to understand that.

Is there a reason she can't have dinner with you at your house in the evening? That would save you the money of eating out?

This - I agree 1000%!

Sorry meant to post in support of a comment but don’t know how to change it 🫣

So why do you feel terrible she is on her own when visiting your neck of the woods?

I mean even of she had troubled herself when you were in the area, you still shouldn't feel bad now. Not one bit. You didn't invite her. You told her you're working.

You sound to be a bit drippy tbh. You need to say to her you have busy lives. You're not responsible for her good time on her holiday and you will see her on Sunday.

And you repeat ad nauseam that you're busy.

She's sounding like a bit of a cow. Are you afraid of her?

What have you been up to the past few days @Creek2025 ? Have you been seeing this 'friend'?

Good grief she sounds exhausting. My DSis and BIL live abroad and I go often to stay with them. We do things together most evenings but that includes watching a box set and eating food I shopped for and cooked. Usually one night a week I’ll head to bed early or take myself off out to give them space and during the day I’m out as they WFH. You didn’t invite her so no obligation to entertain her

Be consistent about being too tired on work days.
Tell friend that you are too tired to join her each night for the work week.
Send her a list of activities like cinemas, shows, tv programs worth watching, restaurants and ONE suggestion of one night when you could eat with her at XXX at 7:00pm..
Spending weekends with your friend is very generous.

Treat her like you would wish to be treated.
You would hate going overseas to spend every night with friend after her work day. You would find two or three meet ups enough. Free her from spending time with you.

As someone said, tell her your going to be busy till Sunday lunch.
Then tell her nice as this week has been your going to have to play catch up on work next week.
Maybe you could meet and see a film Wednesday.
Saying sorry that won't work is a reply.

That is an excellent idea. Can you google a few local tour companies even if she has to bus it or get the train to a bigger place. Day trips would also work. And of course she should have done before she arrived but she didn't.

Don't feel terrible, people can go out on their own and not collapse in horror and misery! I took myself shopping on Monday alone, I had a lovely time browsing, bought myself a coffee and then lunch, had a nice stroll around town. You've no reason to feel guilty. Be firm but nice "bit busy the next couple of days with existing plans, can't wait to see you on Saturday, shall we do xyz" and then if she messages and asks if you're free, when are you finishing just say "so sorry we are busy and can't see you till saturday" say this ok repeat. She can have a fab time by herself, honestly, give her some ideas of where to go and she'll be fine, she doesn't need a babysitter, she's a fully grown adult!

It will do her good to learn that others lives don’t stop to revolve around her wants.