Old friend came to see me

[Creek2025]

So me and my partner moved away to another country an old friend invited herself over for 2 weeks although not staying with us we feel as though we have to see our friend everyday as they are on their own.

the thing is we have work and our normal routine and dog routine we are trying to accommodate as much as we can offering to make food and showing her around the place but it’s becoming a bit hard, tiring and very expensive as we can’t afford to be eating out all of the time and doing things every single day and night around work as aren’t on holiday we live here. Although so nice to see her.

how do you politely say we need a day off we don’t want to appear rude like we don’t want to spend time with her but she just booked the dates that suited her and for that period of time.

Help

I don’t understand why you feel you have to see her every day? I am West Indian, and when friends visit me there, they are told I will be busy (or not) and make arrangements accordingly.

Just crack on with your normal life and see her when it’s convenient.

Just say politely that it's lovely to see her etc but unfortunately you can't spend every day with her. Give her some suggestions for things she could do and places she could go, and arrange to meet her in a few days time or before she leaves.

Hi we have some prior commitments and boring life jobs for the next couple of days. How about coming over to ours for lunch on Saturday (we should be back from Fido's worming about 1ish so shall we say 2 for late lunch?). Meanwhile why don't you get the train to LalaLand - lots of lovely things to see there and I hear the coffee shop is great! Have fun!

You're busy.

She's rude and has pretty wild expectations that you aren't able to meet.

Just message," Hi I've really enjoyed meeting up and hanging with you. Unfortunately I've got to work over the next days, so I won't be able to see you. I hope you have a lovely holiday, any questions about where to go just let me know."

Hi Friend,
I'm sorry but DH and I are going to be very busy over the next few days and won't be able to meet you until the weekend, before you leave.
In the meantime - we would recommend that you get a commuter ticket and travel to <name of location> by train to see <insert tourist attractions here>. If you get the <insert bus route here> bus which has a stop outside your hotel, you can go to <insert neighbouring town/city> and there are loads of things to see and do there. It takes about <insert approximate journey time here> to get to the town and you should ask the bus driver to let you know when you get there.
Alternatively, you could get a short hop bus/train or hire a car and drive to <insert another tourist location> as it's so beautiful this time of year.
When you get back, you can let us know and we can go for a last meal in <name of restaurant>.
Apologies if this causes you any issues.

All the best and we can't wait to hear about your adventures when you get back,
@Creek2025

Or something along those lines.

Just reiterate what you said before she booked:

We did say we needed to work while you were here and going out every night means we're behind on other stuff too, so we will see you next on x day. If you need recommendations for excursions in the meantime, I'll email you.

Make it clear she needs to make her own plans for a few days!

She keeps messaging every day asking what the plans are and what time we finish work

Either ignore her or just say

'we are busy with family stuff and work for the next few days but will see you on X. I'll message you later in the week with details. Hope you have a great time exploring the city'

Deborah, I’m bloody knackered and broke after all these big nights out. I need a couple of nights off to catch up on work and sleep. We’ll see you on Friday if you want to come round for dinner and we can go to xxx market on Saturday.

Don’t answer until early evening and say you’re having an early night as work was knackering. You hope she’s been enjoying herself.

Well if you can only manage "hints" it's your own fault if you carry on being taken for granted. Why are you paying for everything when people come to visit? That's also stupid.

The best bit is I saw her all afternoon as I finished work earlier then within an hour of leaving she was asking what I was doing later. Definately will be firm tomorrow.

Idk why you are asking for advice when you are taking no notice of anyone and just meeting your friend when she demands to see you and jumping to her tune.

People will take the piss out of you as long as you allow them to.

So just reply as many people have suggested. It's really not a big deal. Say when you can see her next and if she messages asking about times sooner than that, remind her when you can see her next. I don't see what the problem is if you're clear and consistent. Stop being wet about it. There's no need at all. She's asking questions so reply with the answer you want to give.

So don't leave work early to see her or she'll obviously think it's all flexible. When she asks what you're doing later, say "I'm working/catching up on life admin/having an intimate waxing session (for instance). What are you doing?"

It is not unreasonable to have a night or so to yourself. And also to invite her to come to your house for dinner/coffee rather than out all the time.

When she asks when do you finish work. Reply i finish at 5pm but I need to get some boring jobs done. Are you around day after tomorrow? We can go to.......

"Hi friend, can't see you till sat as we're flat out for the next couple of days. You could try X place, it's great. See you at the weekend"

You just need to stop dropping all these gentle hints and use straight forward words I'm afraid. No-one here can know if she's a crazy CF that is taking advantage of you or simply blissfully unaware that you're knackered and broke and thinking you're enjoying all this as much as she is or somewhere in between but it doesn't really matter either way. A break of a few days is totally reasonable so you just need to tell her outright that's what you want/need. I would simply message her now and say something like 'Hey X it's been great hanging out so much over the last few weeks but Y and I are really tired now, so we're going to have a quiet few days on our own at home. We will see you for lunch on X day and let me know if you need any suggestions for sight seeing in the meantime?

I wouldn't make her a detailed schedule with bus timetables and such like another PP said unless your area is very difficult to get around, she's presumably capable of using a map or Uber or asking at her hotel and you doing all that just reinforces the idea you are responsible for her holiday when you aren't.

Re the expense, can I suggest ‘we are using up our holiday budget and we aren’t even on holidays 😭 so Jack and I are having a very quiet few days to get back on track, and we’ll see you Saturday’

I have only just asked for advise today I haven’t seen her since I wrote this post a couple of hours ago no need to be rude I’m asking for advise I thought this was a friendly forum

Use this to your advantage. She is clearly using your kind and generous nature to feed her and keep herself busy during her holiday which is your working time.

Feck that for a game of soldiers.

Time to be completely honest and say that you told her you would be working, it wasn't a good time and she'll have to muddle through for the next few days. You can meet her for coffee (only coffee) at the weekend (if you want to), don't offer that if you don't want to.

is she a good friend? Do you really love her as a friend or just someone ....

sorry, it's just that you've had loads of friendly advice that's really clear on what to do and you keep coming back complaining about the same problem again, as though it's all falling on deaf ears, which makes it feel like the issue is with you wanting to wallow in it rather than take up the clear solution. Fair enough if you just wanna vent about her I guess, but the problem is easily fixed.

You need to be direct. 'I'm sorry we are just too tired / overloaded from working at the moment and can't see you tomorrow/ for a few days. We can suggest some great places to go if you like.'