Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

I had my upstairs neighbour running the washer and tumble at all mad hours but that didn't bother me because, flats!!!

I can guarantee it’s not the kid noise it’s the noise of anything on those wooden floors. It really can be a circle of hell.

OP - the kindest thing to do would be to move the playroom upstairs and carpet as much of the downstairs as possible .

Haven’t RTFT but I’d just block her if she’s constantly messaging, you’ve done all you can!

Stop entertaining your neighbours complaints.
tell them to contact noise depart at council with any and all further complaints

you sound like you are being respectful, but there is only so much you can do.

Lol - it’s been 18 years since I experienced it and I can still feel how awful it was in my memory!

I would never have carpet downstairs. Its bad enough having it upstairs. I've got allergies and with young kids it's just easier to clean a hard floor. You can guarantee this neighbour would still complain even with carpet. She can pay to soundproof her own flat. Or move.

Exactly. I think it's time to take a much firmer approach. Otherwise she will bully you and youll be tiptoeing around paranoid. These type of people only ever get worse there's been loads of similar threads. You need to be abrupt with her- listen were not going to compromise any more than we already have. Make a formal complaint to the council with recordings otherwise jog on.

Quite simply carpets with underlay at minimum before you move the children in there.

but as you can’t afford it, what are you expecting? You know there is a noise issue, this is going to be exasperated when the kids move into the room and you’re not prepared to make a simple (and not significantly expensive change given the room is so small) change to minimise the problem. Your neighbour will complain more of course And you will need to have a thick skin for the next 3-4 years in the hope she doesn’t make a formal complaint to environmental health.

it is reasonable that kids make noise during the day but you are being unreasonable moving them without any mitigation knowing that there is already a noise issue.

I'd put down the foam mats under the rug

I agree with this, there is only so much you can do and if they've chosen to live in a ground floor maisonette they must reasonably accept normal family noise.

Only you know if the level of noise is reasonable but it sounds like you've done what you can, the neighbour needs to get earplugs or consider paying for their own soundproofing measures.

You don't need to be harassed just have a standard reply as has been suggested and then just add 'as mentioned, we've done everything we can, there is nothing further I can add' every time to every further response.

If it continues then definitely consider filing a harassment complaint, even if you don't want it to go further, so your side is recorded and logged with the police if needed.

How about some noise absorbing panels? https://www.ikea.com/de/en/cat/noise-reducing-products-46077/ or

You can't have lived in a flat below another flat that has wooden floors. Shoeless footfall can still sound like a herd of elephants when it's kids running around.

And you will need to have a thick skin for the next 3-4 years in the hope she doesn’t make a formal complaint to environmental health.

It won't matter, children's noise is excluded from things that councils will investigate unless it's between 11pm-7am (and even then, babies crying and toddlers tantruming is excluded). Basically you can make as much noise as you want if you have kids and there's nothing anybody can do unless it's within certain hours.

Besides putting carpets in it sounds like you’re doing all you can. You can’t expect children to be silent in their own home, and you’re out pretty much the entire week.
Buying a ground floor flat you can’t expect silence, particularly when you buy it knowing the upstairs neighbours have 3 small children!
Get carpets when you can afford to, but besides that keep doing what you’re doing and tell your neighbour to get eat plugs.

My bro wanted to make sure he couldn’t hear his 4 partywall
sharing neighbours, so insulated between joists and on top, and then installed 14mm thick cork flooring .
there is no way anyone hears him or he his neighbours .
This is in a Victorian split house.

ive read a lot more of this since posting my first comment. I now know you can’t move into the playroom and puts the kids upstairs. Could you try for say a month of one of you sleeping in the playroom and moving the kids toys upstairs or in the living room. See if sends anymore complaints about noise.

By the end of the month you will then have a idea of whether she is being reasonable or not as you as the adults will presumably not make as much noise as the kids.

If she stops complaining, it might be time to consider getting some underlay and carpet or even some foam play tiles underneath the rugs you have to dampen the sound.

If she is still complaining then I would politely explain what you have been doing and tell her to get over herself.

The other option is asking her if you could go round one weekend morning and sit in her flat to hear the noise. You can then get an idea of how your kids sounds to her and you will get a decent idea of whether she is just being miserable or has a genuine complaint?

If the room is big enough for bunk beds and wardrobes it’s big enough for a double bed. Your wardrobes can go in DC rooms until they’re older and therefore quieter or you move

You need carpets stop being a dick

Actually the previous owners became our friends and still are, they moved out from the one bed flat and bought a bigger property to start a family. We never had issues with them!

OP was there first.

That’s correct. I researched that cause I was worried but my kids are always in bed by 7-7:30pm the latest, none of them wakes up during the night (not even the baby 🥳) and they are up by 6:30am and usually come to our bed for cuddles till 7am. So I know legally we are ok but I hate not having good relationships with the neighbours.

8 o'clock is fair game. If you were having building work, the builders would be allowed to start by then 🤷‍♀️

So you don’t even have carpets, it’s wooden floors….i was with you until that bit. I would hate to live under you.

Sorry i should have clarified that it has already built in wardrobes, a fireplace plus a super big window plus the door is diagonal to the wall. Very strange set up. Annoyingly the way the people set up previously possibly worked for them but not for everyone

Have you even priced it up?

Did you say you’d already done the kitchen, so in reality it’s probably only the lounge and the playroom so 2 rooms max. If you buy the acoustic underlay and have it properly laid, then you could get pretty cheap thick offcuts for the other rooms (it sounds like the playroom isn’t massive). If you accept this is what needs to be done maybe the downstairs neighbour could lend some money?

I assume you won’t be going on holiday or other unnecessary expenses.

If your lease says you can’t have floorboards you may not have a choice.