Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

I guess I could but I was hoping to build a good relationship rather than hating the person downstairs and not say good morning.

I don't think you're ever going to please this new neighbour because she's just going to be a pain. In her head she I'd fixated on your children's noise and I bet every moment she's listening put.
Suggest she look into soundproofing her ceilings - you could even offer a small monetary contribution. I think you should probably get a fitted carpet in the playroom.
I know you're not going to move yourself & partner in there but if you did - shed probably complain about any 'adult' noises you made!
A friend of mine was hounded out of her upstairs rented flat by a couple who basically complained so much she ended up watching TV with the subtitles, never having any visitors and literally creeping around her own home. Each time she attempted to be quieter they just became more unreasonable with her 'alleged' noise. As she wasn't in the best of mental health she just moved somewhere else as soon as she could. She also lived there first!

I feel it might end being like that cause she also complaint that our kitchen tap pipe makes noise when we open or close. Our kitchen was fully renovated 2 years ago and I made it clear that I cannot start digging and changing pipes for no reason. Luckily she hasn’t asked again. At the moment, she is fixated to the kids.

Having hard floors in an upstairs flat is bloody inconsiderate. My neighbour has this and we can hear every movement but luckily she's on her own and out a lot. It would be unbearable if there were kids running around. It should be part of all leases that upstairs flats can only have carpet.

I was with you until you said you just had floorboards with rugs and no carpet. Even without kids noise will travel downstairs

But looks like you are expecting her to suck it up which is fair enough she will have to but at the same time she doesn’t have to be friendly either

The flat came with the floorboards, we didn’t change it ourselves to cause inconvenience to anyone. We are freeholders and we actually checked the documents and it doesnt mention anything about carpets

I think it’s common sense OP, your neighbour is right to complain. Imagine people living above you with very small children and hard floors, nightmare.
Very selfish of you.

And there we have it ...

I have sympathy for you but you need carpets. I have hard floors downstairs in my house and when the kids bounce a ball I can hear it upstairs!! It would be SO noisy to live underneath us.

I think the previous couple was generally more active in the sense that they were usually out running in the mornings etc. And they also had a living room and a bedroom whereas the new owner has converted both rooms to bedrooms and has a flatmate and no living room. Hence, we will disturb them no matter how we shuffle the room arrangements downstairs.

Wear earplugs! How on earth is that right?

None of this means you can’t put carpet down. Rugs aren’t working. Then if she still complains you will know it a her problem.

OP I lived below a couple who had hard floors and it was awful. I could hear every footstep, what they were watching on tv, radio, music any slightly raised voices. They moved and the woman who bought the flat immediately put down carpet with noise reduction underlay and it was such a relief. I feel very sorry for your downstairs neighbour.

I agree but as I mentioned, we cannot financially afford it at this stage.

Please put down carpet in the playroom. It isn’t that expensive for one room only. If that’s going to be the bedroom for two small kids directly above someone else’s property then you really should carpet it. Leases would generally require this and it’s somewhat unusual that you’re in the position where you have an upper flat but no carpet requirement.

Is the playroom directly below their current bedroom and is their current bedroom uncarpeted? If so then as an experiment you could try sleeping in the playroom below them and see how much noise you can hear… it will be a LOT.

It's completely selfish to plan three children living above someone with wooden floors, absolutely every non essential spend needs to be stopped until you have proper floor covering.

You certainly can't move the younger ones downstairs where the will be up earlier.

But now innumerable people on this thread have told you what an utter nightmare it is to live below a flat without carpets. That carpets don’t just absorb footfall but other noise as well.

The thing is that the neighbour has converted her living room to a bedroom and she has a flatmate. So there are only bedrooms downstairs with no living room. So even if we shuffle our rooms won’t make a difference.

But you’re about to start shuffling rooms… making a 1st floor room into a bedroom with kids up at 6.30, rather than a playroom only used from 8am. That’s going to be a huge difference for your neighbour.

Exactly this. Won't make concessions as to which bedroom the children have, because it'll inconvenience you. Won't put carpets down, because of finances (I do sympathise, but you're clearly a noisy family). I've got a friend with a family like that. Has no conception that they're very loud, but on my noise scale they are waaaaayyyy up there. I really feel for their neighbours.

Your neighbour already has given up her living space for a lodger presumably for financial reasons so clearly can't afford to drop ceilings.

It sounds to me like you just want her to stop moaning without making any changes yourself. Which is your right. But you're driving the owner away.

It might make a difference if one is more tolerant than the other, or gets up earlier etc.

I certainly wouldn't do it blind but it might be worth a conversation.

OP in your situation I would make a plan to have all rooms carpeted apart from bathroom/kitchen, starting with the room that's the noisiest/most disruptive to your neighbour.

When I say make a plan I mean save up / get a credit card / work out what you need to do financially to be able to afford it. You can get 0% interest credit cards, google "Martin Lewis credit cards" for the best deals.

Then tell your neighbour what you plan to do. For example, "we are planning to get the playroom carpeted in 3 months time then will slowly get the other rooms carpeted over a period of X amount of time". Having a solid plan gives you something to work towards and your neighbour will feel better knowing that you are making the effort to improve things even if nothing is happening immediately.

I don't know how you can live like this with your neighbour complaining so often, I'd be in a constant state of anxiety.

@cadburyegg

Would you really put something like this on a credit card?

And where does it end? If she then goes back to "your pipes are noisy" does the OP then have to pay for plumbing work?

My upstairs neighbour also has noisy pipes but believe me, it's nowhere near as annoying as the floorboards as it's not constant.

But the OP's neighbour has already brought that up which to me indicates someone who just doesn't really get what living in a flat is like. You aren't in splendid isolation