Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

Yabu to not have carpets

And the neighbour could just move somewhere quieter seeing as she is the one with the problem. Why should four people go out of their way make concessions for the misery guts downstairs? She's probably someone who would complain about any perfectly reasonable neighbour noise. If she moved to a quiet spot in the countryside she'd complain to the farmer about the noisy cows.

Or neighbour chose to buy an apartment knowing there was a family of five above.

I'm not unsympathetic to the neighbour - we bought a ground floor apartment in a complex full of old people when we retired. Three weeks after we moved in the people upstairs put their 4 bed duplex up for sale. It was bought by a family with two kids under 10 and a dog. Wasn't too bad but liveable, but it really ramped up when they put a wooden floor on top of the carpet - they thought it would be best to leave the carpet down. It wasn't. The floor bounced with every step and magnified the noise.

The difference between us and the OP's neighbour was that we didn't expect this to happen. Op's neighbour chose it. we moved out within a year to a detached bungalow and every single day we say how happy we are and how awful it was.

The op was there first!!

Literally no point in posting this when the solution is 'carpets' but you refuse to do this. What you seem to want is everyone to say it's fine for your kids to make loads of noise (unintentionally but loads of noise nonetheless because of the wooden floors) and annoy your neighbour and her flatmate and she should just live with it. Bit unfair on the neighbour, though, isn't it?

The op was there first.
Maybe the neighbour shouldn't have moved into a flat she KNEW upstairs had hard floor and a load of young kids.

To be fair, it's MN so most people will say exactly that!

We put wooden flooring in our bedrooms last year due to my dust allergies. My sons room is above the living room and honest to god the noise sometimes is utterly unbearable especially when he is playing with hot wheels and they keep dropping on the floor. I go up to tell him off and he is playing in what I would consider a normal way, not throwing things or being loud vocally.

I can understand how your neighbour feels because if I had an upstairs neighbour making the amount of noise my son does at times (and I only have 1 child) it would drive me absolutely insane.

I haven’t read all the replies but one on the first page suggested you moving in the playroom and I think that is the best idea. Your children have the right to be kids and your neighbour also has the right to enjoy their home without constantly hearing your children. You being above her is the most reasonable solution in this.

Also I bet a lot of those in the 64% have never lived in a flat below hard wood floors.

Normal kid noise between neighbours even those who share a wall can be annoying but manageable with ear plugs and a bit of patience.

Flat conversions where the building wasn’t built for apartment living and wooden floors create an almost unbearable noise situation - it’s not just noise, it’s a thumping and vibration which is awful. Regular adult noise is bad enough - I can’t imagine what a playroom for two young kids sounds like from below.

But someone will be living there and even if you had your own children, upstairs noise is awful

She wouldn't have experienced this at 8am prior to moving in though would she? Chances are she had no real idea what it was like until she got there. I've lived in flats and had noisy neighbour issues (the same really - wooden floors above amplifying every sound) and wouldn't have moved in had I known, but didn't know until the lease was signed. Then had to wait it out.

It wasn't as bad as the time I accidentally moved into a flat over a crack den, to be fair. But that's another story for another time!

If you are mentioning politics that is far more than the simple majority required to take us out of the EU so it's certainly enough for a AIBU post.

Apparently it didn't bother the previous neighbour, they're friends

I reckon you should carpet with a thick noise absorbing underlay. We had students next door and after complaing to landlord about noise they replaced floorboards with the carpet and it did make a huge difference.

Once you've done that I think you're within right to say you've done all you can, sorry it's annoying you, but tough.

What planet is she on not thinking kids under 4 stay in bed later than 8am 😂

Fair point!

So who should move into the flat downstairs? Perhaps it should only be leased to deaf people?

Give over. Consequences for what? Existing in their own home?
Don't be so wet.

Quite, it's not like these are cheap council flats and no-one has choice of where to live.

Have you been downstairs to experience the noise first hand? I've been the downstairs neighbour and frankly, it was hell. I suspect the previous owner downstairs failed to tell her how bad the noise really was. Unfortunately, the situation is only going to get worse, even if she does sell, as someone will be living there. It may only be the weekends and evenings but that's when most people want to relax and enjoy their space. It doesn't sound like either of you are going to be enjoying your homes for a long while to come.

Who's to say that the reason the previous tenant of the downstairs flat moved out wasn't actually because of the noise, but she was a timid type who was too scared to tell the OP how annoying it was, so just moved out instead?

The previous owner was probably desperate to leave (because of the noise) and didn't want to put her off!

We soundproofed the ceiling in our flat; the difference is so noticeable; it wasn't cheap, but worth it! Maybe suggest this to the neighbour.

It’s tough shit to the neighbour I think ! We have little kids in a flat too! Our old neighbour hated us and used to come down and complain all the time ! In the end I told him to call the council or the police or whatever to report a noise complaint but I was not going to be answering door or messages from them anymore.

he eventually moved out.

i could hear his washing machine and tv and work calls all through the day as well - oh and his bloody cat running around - but never said anything as that’s just living in a flat.

Thats not really the op's problem. Maybe it might suit another noisy family!