Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

Tough shit - cut back on other stuff.

So when you say "AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children" - what you mean to say is that you are not actually doing anything at all (and soon you are going to actively make it worse for your neighbour by moving two of your kids to the lower floor).

If you're not willing to improve the situation then you should at least have some empathy with your poor neighbour having to listen to your kids through poorly insulated wooden floorboards.

Yes.

She bought a ground floor flat in a conversion.

There is going to be noise.

Take control. Lower the ceilings.

Don't be absurd. Lowering ceilings costs between £10-20k. Fitting a carpet more like £500.

When living in a flat I had a neighbour who seriously asked us to avoid running water or flushing the toilet between 7 pm and 8 am and also during baby's nap times. I have Crohn's, so that was impossible, even if I was prepared to entertain such a mad request. Also not to use cutlery, walk around or watch TV.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to minimise noise. Your new neighbour sounds awful. You are entitled to live a normal life in your own home with your children.
If its an old house with high ceilings suggest she look into getting sound insulation put into false ceilings, and lose a few centimetres of ceiling height but reduce noise.
Perhaps you could afford to put a cheap carpet into your playroom too.
You were in the property first. She could complain to the council but it wouldn't get her anywhere as it's sounds like normal family life.

As an aside - we once rented an air bnb flat for a couple of nights in Scotland and the downstairs neighbour was awful - she put a note through our door (every day) complaining we had been too noisy. The first one we'd been there 3 hours, we had literally arrived, unpacked and made and eaten a meal (she also had a permanent note outside her own door warning new air bnb renters about noise). It was all quite strange as we weren't really there that much as we were out and about doing sightseeing stuff!
We were glad we were only there for 3 nights as all the notes made us feel awful, we highlighted the neighbour in our review.

Not good enough, I’m afraid. You need thick underlay and proper fitted carpet.

Now, I like my relative peace and quiet, but those requests were definitely taking the mickey! Those requests were crazy!

it should be illegal for any flat above ground floor to have anything but carpets

If you choose to live in anything but a ground floor flat, underlay and carpets are an essential. You chose to, so you pay for them.

My elderly aunt’s upstairs neighbours ripped out their carpets and now it’s like a herd of elephants up there. So fucking selfish.

Can you put those playmat foam tiles down across the floor? They muffle sound quite well and they're cheap.

Your neighbour just needs to suck it up with normal kids arguing and playing noise though. I'd much rather hear that than constant parties or couples shouting at each other, which is what I've had from neighbours in flats before.

I would imagine she was thoroughly annoyed that the owner of that flat had let it out as an AirBnB - I live in fear of somebody doing that here! At least with neighbours you know, you kind of know what to expect. People aren't always so considerate as they might be when they're renting accommodation for a few days.

I have to agree with that. The noise with floorboards and just a rug will be awful.

AHA, your downstairs neighbor is a landlord …. Renting out the bedroom while they sleep in the sitting room (or other way).

Thats the real problem.

1. they are a landlord
2. and tenant either unhappy or they unhappy because too cramped no privacy …. And other people living walking around above.

Goodness, their complaint will go no where if they formalize.

Cheap curtains and carpets?

I think you should go a little way to mitigate the noise even though on the whole your neighbour is being unreasonable

I don't think they are

A rug and no curtains, just blinds, is awful

She's not being unreasonable whatsoever. Carpets in an upstairs flat is a very, very reasonable expectation.

Sounds like she needs to get a grip and accept she chose to buy under a young family.

You're already doing a lot to minimise noise.
Don't let control your lives.

I would outline all you do to minimise it in one message and tell her her messages are now becoming intrusive into your life. Block her.

I wouldn't be complaining about kids making normal levels of noise in social hours in their own home. And if I wanted a lie in at the weekend then yes I would wear earplugs in that scenario rather than pester a neighbour with vexatious complaints.

Read all the comments on the thread, almost everyone agrees that the OP is reasonable and the neighbour is being unreasonable. Sounds like you need to get a grip on reality, like the neighbour.

Gosh, you should go into politics! 'Almost everyone agrees' - no, 64% think the OP is reasonable, the other 36% don't. That's at least a third of people who don't agree!

Reason would stop bunk beds.

YABU to have not clarified in your OP that you have wooden floorboards throughout. No matter how hard you try there will still be noise carrying through to downstairs in a converted house, which will be amplified. You need to get some cheap carpet and underlay down, at least on the first floor rooms.

Totally agree with this. Your neighbour needs to get a grip. If she can't cope with normal family noise, then she should not have moved underneath a family with young kids—or anyone tbh. It was daft of her to assume that just because your previous neighbour wasn't bothered she wouldn't be either.

I have lived in flats most of my adult life—having people upstairs is noisy, but it's part of life and far from the worst thing to hear. You deal with it, you accept it. It isn't your problem, it's hers. Why should you have to constantly police normal noise in your own home for her benefit? The stress must impinge on you at least as much as the noise does on her.

You need to put underlay and carpet down.
It's very selfish as an upstairs neighbour to have floorboards!
Can't you see that?