Kids noise vs neighbours: AIBU to think that there is so much you can do when you have young children?

[karpouzi]

We have three kids, all under the age of four, and live in a period maisonette spread over the first and loft floor. Currently, our entire family sleeps in the loft. The eldest two share a bedroom, while the baby is still in our room. On the first floor, we have the kitchen and living area, as well as a double room, which is currently set up as a playroom. We’ve always had a strict rule that our kids are not allowed on the first floor before 8 a.m., unless they’re having breakfast in the kitchen.
However, our downstairs neighbor has been repeatedly complaining about the noise, especially on weekends, saying that it’s disturbing her sleep. She sends us long messages almost every week. We’ve explained that we have a double rug in the playroom, and that the kids are not allowed in that room before 8 a.m., even though they wake up around 6:30 a.m. We also arrange swimming lessons to be at 9am in the weekend so the kids are out of the house. Unfortunately, this is all we can do to minimize the noise. Now, we face a new challenge: the baby will soon need his own room. Our plan is to move him into the boys' room in the loft, which is fairly small. We also plan to get new beds for the eldest two and convert the playroom into a bedroom where the boys will also have space for their toys. The boys typically wake up between 6:30 and 7 a.m., and with this new setup, they will need to stay in their bedroom in the mornings. I’m really concerned that the complaints from our neighbor will escalate. What do other people do in situations like this? I feel I m getting fed and I will start ignoring her messages.

Note: When we renovated our kitchen we did add floor noise insulation but we don’t have the money to do any further renovations at this stage.

Tell your neighbour to stuff it. You told them you have 3 young children and young children are loud. You cannot expect them to tiptoe around their house all the time. Sounds like your hardly in aswell and respectful enough not to allow them to be in play room until 8am.
Children are children end of. Now if they were older I'd see the neighbours point but you can't moan about child's noise. Especially if it's not constant.

Well the neighbour gets to make some choices.

If she doesn't want to wear earplugs, she can live with being woke up at 8am. Which isn't really excessively early.

Or she can pay for carpet

Or she can move to the middle of nowhere if noise bothers her that much.

The OP is under absolutely no obligation to save up and spend that money essentially on her neighbour 's comfort.

The neighbour is actually fairly lucky - most families are not out of the house 8-6, Monday to y

is she complaining about noise at 630 or noise at 8? If its after 8 then she’s being unreasonable. If before 7 i have more sympathy but i am not sure what more you can do.

I have a lot of sympathy for you, especially the impossibility of keeping kids that age quiet and never arguing and so on.

HOWEVER...

I have lived in a Victorian conversion under neighbours who then took out the carpets and had wooden floors and it was utter hell. And they didn't even have kids, just two guys sharing a flat who mostly slept in.

PLEASE just get carpets, it will make a huge difference. It's a well known thing that upstairs wooden floorboards are a serious noise concern, eg see here. If you don't believe this, go and spend some time in her flat while your kids and other half are upstairs and you'll see.

If she could afford to live in a detached house, she wouldn't be living in a flat, would she?

Carpets and soft furnishing could help with the noise - cushions curtains - but frankly there come a point it is just family life.

We had a neigbour always moaning about our kids noise - their house wasn't attached to ours and other side that was had no issues. One summer a neigbour further down street a crony of our neigbour was doing work on front for two weeks -and they saw us coming and going as normal. Neigbour started moaning to her about our noise levels and got an incredulous reponse - they're never in you do know that they are allowed to use their house and garden.

I realised how much bending over backwards we'd slowly built up. She was quiet for a bit then did loud PA moan when FIL was around and he pointed out loudly that our house had been empty week before. I just stopped worrying.

It was obvious how bat shit they were when it moved on to trees - the council came out and pointed out there were nearer trees than ours.

If you read your freeholders conditions it will almost certainly say the floors should be carpeted unless it is a very old lease. Take a look to check.

Suggest she drops her ceilings. We have a flat in a converted property and all the ceiling have been lowered so that they are not attached to the floor above and you can’t hear the people above. You can also then insulate in the void. Unfortunately it’s the only thing that will work.

Do we know who was there first?

Op you are doing all you can. The next time she messages tell her to complain to the council and block her number. They will only care about noise being made before 7am and after 11pm. You have a right to not tip toe like pp have said. I've worked in social care and clients have issues with blaring music, weed smoking, abuse all sorts and the council rarely do anything even with notes and times and recordings. I felt sorry for them as those neighbours were horrible. You are being careful your kids will argue that's what kids do, has she not had kids herself?! Living in flats you Can NOT avoid neighbour noises.

I'd be telling her too bad.

You have ever right to lead your lives as you are in your home. You're doing nothing out of the ordinary or outrageous. If neighbour isn't happy, they need to move.

Yes, the OP has said that she and her family were

Don’t be ridiculous. Kids can’t be punished every time they make a noise.

I think you have to consider carpet with underlay in the floor above the flat below. With the best will in the world, you haven’t got double rugs covering the whole floor. It might mean your kids can enjoy their home more as it will make a difference with noise. I suspect they can hear you walking around if you just have floorboards and rugs.

So why don't you consider carpets?

And do you have curtains or blinds?

Fair enough

So what do you think to the idea of carpeting and sound insulating underlay? That would be the reasonable solution and yes you should pay for it, as you are making too much noise.

It doesn't matter that it is children noise, you should still be doing all you can to minimise the impact on your neighbour.

after 8am. she cannot hear anything at 6;30am as it is two floors up

Unfortunately not possible at this stage with 3 kids in nursery. London nursery prices are nuts so we cannot afford doing any changes at the moment.

Not enough. You need to carpet throughout.

at this stage we cannot afford it with 3 kids in childcare. Yes of course there are blinds/rugs

So your neighbour is just going to have to put up with the noise? That seems so unfair on her. Sorry, but I am a person who has had to put up with years of noise from different upstairs and downstairs neighbours (middle floor flat) and the noise that people make on wooden flooring (without even realising it) is atrocious. Even when it's only a few hours a day it really can get to you. Right now, I'm listening to somebody just walking about doing their normal day to day stuff and it's really noisy! Have you ever gone into her flat to hear the noise that she's talking about? It might surprise you just how much louder it is than you think.

I wonder if it's worth a chat with your previous downstairs neighbour as you're still friends to figure out how reasonable the complaints are

I think if your previous neighbour was fine with it all, it might well be down to this neighbour being overly sensitive or the way that she is using the space

Could she drop her ceilings? That might help with the noise? Tbh once you leave, she may have a less considerate people occupying your flat, so this is in her best interests. That way, she has some control. I'm guessing you don't have loud parties every weekend and week night, but new owners may.

So the poor neighbours have to spend time and money to sort it?