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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being selfish

77 replies

Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:01

Me (51F) and partner (57M) like different types of music. He likes a more diverse range than me. Some concert tickets are going on sale on Friday and he really wants to go to the point he said it's on his bucket list. The only issue is that the only dates he can do are all abroad and will mean flights and accommodation totalling close to £1000 for the 2 of us including the tickets. It isn't music i even like or enjoy so I'm totally not enthused about going. I really don't want to spend £1000 on something I don't want to do. He will expect me to plan and book the flights and accommodation and I can't hide that I really just don't want you go. He said I'm being selfish. Please be honest am i?

OP posts:
Dazzlemered · 24/02/2025 23:03

I’d go if he was paying. Why do you have to pay for both of you?

TooBored1 · 24/02/2025 23:04

Why will you have to book and plan?

How long would you go for? A week trip with one night of music you're not keen on might be with it. A weekend, less so, especially for that kind of money.

Daffodiltimeishere · 24/02/2025 23:05

If he is that keen on going can't he go by himself or with a friend who also likes that type of music?
Personally I can't imagine wanting to go to any musical event that badly that I would travel that far and spend that amount of money on it.

Screamingabdabz · 24/02/2025 23:06

“He will expect me to plan and book the flights and accommodation…”

Why?

LillyPJ · 24/02/2025 23:07

If he's so keen to go, I'd expect him to at least do the planning and booking. Could you count it as an early/late birthday present for him?

Original poster
Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:08

Because I know he hast got enough in his bank at the moment 🙈

OP posts:
ashamedtramp · 24/02/2025 23:09

We have tickets to see Robbie Williams in Budapest! It's always been on the other half's bucket list to do a concert abroad and while Robbie isn't really his cup of tea, he's happy to come with me.

I've refused to go to any concerts for groups he likes so he's happy to go on his own.

We've made a mini break of it, nice hotel, good flights and a few days away from home

iamnotalemon · 24/02/2025 23:10

Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:08

Because I know he hast got enough in his bank at the moment 🙈

And how is that your problem?

Original poster
Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:10

It would be a long weekend. I really don't want to use my work holidays going somewhere i don't want to go. This is why I feel bad

OP posts:
francii · 24/02/2025 23:11

I say buy him a ticket, book him a flight, he can go by himself and you can do something you like while he's away. You don't need to do everything together do you, unless there's context missing?

Onlycoffee · 24/02/2025 23:11

Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:10

It would be a long weekend. I really don't want to use my work holidays going somewhere i don't want to go. This is why I feel bad

Why do you have to go? Can't he go by himself?

TemporaryPosition · 24/02/2025 23:11

It depends. Do you do other things for each other? If you don't want to you don't want to though. And if he can't afford it- why can't he just go alone? Would he pay for you if you had a temporary shortfall?

ashamedtramp · 24/02/2025 23:12

I missed the no money bit! Well I'd say tough titty! Cheeky fecker expecting you to go to a concert to see a group or person you don't like AND expect you to plan, book and pay for!! He's having a laugh...

TooBored1 · 24/02/2025 23:12

Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:08

Because I know he hast got enough in his bank at the moment 🙈

Would he expect to pay you back?

And even if you did lend him them money, surely he'd do all the planning and organising?

StormingNorman · 24/02/2025 23:13

I would go to make my husband happy…and I wouldn’t be a sour puss about it either.

Original poster
Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:13

Good question! I've allowed this situation to develop as in the 17 years we've been together I've always been the one to physically book everything 🙈

OP posts:
LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 24/02/2025 23:13

Why is this your problem? If he wants to go to a concert abroad that you aren't interested in he needs to book and pay himself and find a friend to go with him. If he doesn't have the money he doesn't get the trip.

Sounds like there are deeper issues here if you think it’s up to you to do everything for him to avoid being called selfish

healthybychristmas · 24/02/2025 23:14

I bet he has a million things on that bucket list! Tell him he can see the band another time when he has more money and someone else to go with. You can't possibly think of spending that much money on going to see a band you don't like and using your holiday time to do it.

Devianinc · 24/02/2025 23:16

Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:01

Me (51F) and partner (57M) like different types of music. He likes a more diverse range than me. Some concert tickets are going on sale on Friday and he really wants to go to the point he said it's on his bucket list. The only issue is that the only dates he can do are all abroad and will mean flights and accommodation totalling close to £1000 for the 2 of us including the tickets. It isn't music i even like or enjoy so I'm totally not enthused about going. I really don't want to spend £1000 on something I don't want to do. He will expect me to plan and book the flights and accommodation and I can't hide that I really just don't want you go. He said I'm being selfish. Please be honest am i?

No, you’re not selfish, he is and seeing bands don’t enjoy is torture to me. Especially when they just start jamming in the end. I hate it. I’ve seen every band so many starting at a young age. How many times can you see the same performance over and over again and I blame the bands bc they don’t bring in anything new but that’s what the audience wants. I just said no, find someone else to go with. Every one he knows is sick of it.

5foot5 · 24/02/2025 23:17

Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:10

It would be a long weekend. I really don't want to use my work holidays going somewhere i don't want to go. This is why I feel bad

Are there other things you can both do the rest of the time you are away to make it a break for both of you?

Can you afford it as a couple?

Personally if it was something DH really wanted to do I would go because I know he would do, and has done, the same for me.

hididdlyho · 24/02/2025 23:17

If he doesn't have the money to pay for you both to go, then it's a total non issue for you. He goes on his own or with a friend who is willing to pay their share. If he was in the financial position to pay for you both to go, then maybe it would be up for debate.

Original poster
Marie061976 · 24/02/2025 23:20

This is what I need to change if I do go! I'm just the default planner and organizer. Yes I'd make sure he pays me back

OP posts:
Justmeagain12 · 24/02/2025 23:24

You are certainly not being selfish. Politely explain it is too much money and time off for something you are not interested in. I would put up with something like this if you made a mini break around the event but he needs to show some initiative and book stuff, not call you selfish for not doing all the leg work for him for the 17th year

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 24/02/2025 23:36

Oh yes, that's a great way to persuade somebody to do something they don't really want to - call them selfish.

Fuck that shit. He should be offering to organise and book the trip at the very least. But no, he prefers to abuse the domestic help ie you.

If anyone's selfish, it's him.

Notimeforaname · 24/02/2025 23:42

Dying to know who you going to see 😆

He can pay and go by himself or with someone else.
Or, you go with him on this and then book a weekend of your choice later.