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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour tried to get into DD car

110 replies

WeirdNeighbour · 22/02/2025 14:33

Wondering if I should say something to neighbour or not. Teen DD arrived home in her car, parked in road, finished her call in her locked car. She says she was just chatting quietly for less than 5 mins. She's not a loud person at all but I'm aware handsfree calls in cars can be loud outside of the car. However I didn't hear her and I was home, tv off, at that time.
Some neighbour she doesn't know and has never interacted with, ran into the street in her dressing gown, trying to open the car doors and shouting at DD for being loud and waking her children. Scared the shit out of DD.

I've advised DD that calls in cars can be louder than you'd think, so she'll be aware of that in the future, but we both agreed trying to open the car door and shouting were inappropriate. If the lady had said something in a reasonable manner, DD would have been mortified that she'd woken children and apologised profusely but as it was, this woman scared her.

Do I speak to neighbour to say sorry DD woke the kids but something something inappropriate behaviour, or just not bother. I have DDs permission to do so, but not sure I can be bothered.

OP posts:
Comg · 22/02/2025 18:15

smooththecat · 22/02/2025 17:42

Sounds like you haven’t heard one of these hands free conversations, it’s extremely loud and a form of anti social behaviour, albeit inadvertently. It’s like standing there with a megaphone in the street outside someone’s house.

Show quote history

Fine, but I still don't think anyone has the right to open your car door. Yes you drive it down the street, but it's your personal space. It's aggressive to try to make someone feel unsafe because you're unhappy about something they're doing and shouldn't be let go with a neighbour who is overstepping that mark.

LionME · 22/02/2025 18:17

@WeirdNeighbour could you clarify?
If the call your dd was making was so loud, how is it that you didn’t hear it?

By saying you wanted to go and aplogise for your dd, youve everyone assumed it must have been bad. But something doesn’t add up there.
Eother ot was very loud and you have heard it.
So you didn’t hear anything and it wasn’t that loud??

Househunter2025 · 22/02/2025 18:18

Neighbour is probably at the end of her tether with non sleeping children, hence the unhinged behaviour.

Daughter should be more aware - I doubt this reaction is the result of one short phone call

CatMum27 · 22/02/2025 18:24

I agree with the majority. The neighbour shouldn’t have tried to get into the car. Even if your daughter was so loud she didn’t hear her, knocking and waving should have been enough to attract her attention.

However, I used to live on an otherwise quiet side street which was used by taxis to park up. The noise from Bluetooth calls has an incredibly loud booming quality which frequently used to wake me up as my bedroom was at the front of the house. Something to do with the frequency maybe as I’m quite sensitive to low register sounds. Eventually the council had to get involved as enough people complained.

Either way, if your daughter is old enough to drive she’s old enough to deal with it herself. Hopefully both sides can learn from it and not repeat their actions.

Hoppinggreen · 22/02/2025 18:32

Sounds like the neighbour didn't actually try to get into the car but tried to open one of the doors to speak to the person inside
Maybe the neighbour was a bit over the top but a lot of us have finally got our kids to sleep only for some Dick to wake them up and it does tend to make one feel a bit crazy!!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/02/2025 18:41

What time was it? Was the engine off? My previous home was next to a car park and people would often sit in their cars with the engine on and the sound of an idling car going on even for just 2 minutes is infuriating.

BreatheAndFocus · 22/02/2025 18:43

You’re misrepresenting it by saying the neighbour tried to get in her car. She didn’t. She opened the door to speak to her. Perhaps she’d already tried to attract her attention, failed and was keen to get her to be quiet.

Your DD shouldn’t have been sitting in a car taking a loud, booming phone call. It’s enraging when people are so inconsiderate. I’m sorry your DD was shocked by the door being opened, but hopefully she’s now learnt her lesson and will think more in future.

Ermengarde · 22/02/2025 19:00

It’s interesting to hear people saying they had no idea handsfree calls are amplified outside the car. I’ve often wondered if people didn’t know or knew but just didn’t care. I don’t know the mechanics of it, but when I hear them in supermarket car parks etc it’s like there’s a speaker on the outside of the car broadcasting the call!

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 22/02/2025 19:18

Your daughter needs to come home and talk on her loudspeaker so you can experience it. Otherwise grow up and just have a normal phone conversation.

Isobel201 · 22/02/2025 19:49

Admittedly I do turn my music down when approaching places, but its usually when I need to concentrate on parking etc. and I don't want it blaring out. I have a loud 3 cylinder engine so it does have to be louder than the average volume. I think without being a fly on the wall, your DD may have been the latest in a string of cars that park up and continue talking on bluetooth, and she was the straw that broke the camel's back where the neighbour was concerned.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 22/02/2025 19:56

Isobel201 · 22/02/2025 19:49

Admittedly I do turn my music down when approaching places, but its usually when I need to concentrate on parking etc. and I don't want it blaring out. I have a loud 3 cylinder engine so it does have to be louder than the average volume. I think without being a fly on the wall, your DD may have been the latest in a string of cars that park up and continue talking on bluetooth, and she was the straw that broke the camel's back where the neighbour was concerned.

Edited

Or she was the fully heavy burden on the camel's back!

Oioisavaloy27 · 22/02/2025 20:11

MiraculousLadybug · 22/02/2025 17:34

If you're going to start an apology with "I'm sorry about X but..." then it's not really an apology so don't bother.
You're just passive aggressively trying to have a go at the neighbour. If you genuinely wanted to apologise you'd just say "I'm sorry about X" with no buts or exceptions.
As others have said, she was clearly at the end of her tether with your DD's loud behaviour. Do you genuinely not remember how hard it was when you were putting little ones to bed? She's probably driven to distraction with sleep deprivation and while she didn't handle it well you need to stop and have some empathy.

Edited

A lot of people are sleep deprived this does not give you the excuse to act unhinged!

HelloNorthernStar · 22/02/2025 20:35

It is your DD who needs to say something not you, and that something needs to be an apology. The lad next door but 2 to us does this, it is so loud. it is ignorant as hell!

Keepingthingsinteresting · 22/02/2025 20:38

MinPinSins · 22/02/2025 16:39

Am I misreading something? You didn't say she tried to get into your daughter's care, but that she tried to open the door. Presumably to speak to her - not many people have conversations through closed car doors.

She shouldn't have done that at all, but if she's been a good neighbour so far, I wouldn't say anything. Your daughter did something wrong, she did something wrong. There's no risk of her doing it again because your daughter won't do it again.

If there's been other inappropriate behaviour, I could understand wanting to speak to her.

The DD didn’t do anything wrong 🙄. Let’s hope the neighbour is perfect in every way right.

Maddy70 · 22/02/2025 23:26

Car phones are very loud. Can't she just speak on the phone normally ?

Original poster
WeirdNeighbour · 23/02/2025 08:07

Thanks for all the comments. Interesting to see lots of different views.
I am not going to speak to the neighbour.
The car was locked, and the engine was off.
DD was finishing her call before coming in the house.
The neighbour was banging on the car and pulling at the handle repeatedly and frightened the shit out of DD.
DD doesnt know this woman who moved here fairly recently.
No I didnt hear the noise, approx 11pm, I was inside house.
I have spoken to DD about how loud a call can be from the outside, she wasn't aware, but is now. She had no idea it was loud and will not be doing it again.
No this has not happened before, DD didnt have hands-free on her old car.
Yes of course I remember having children that don't sleep, DD didnt sleep through until she was 5, and the DC were night wakers until teenage years - but I don't recall losing my shit when a neighbour was loud (which unfortunately is very often) and I have never tried to force my way aggressively into a young girl's car.

Thank you for all the people who have taken the time to offer an opinion, it's really very helpful.

The general consensus is that DD can deal with it herself is appropriate, but she is't going to speak to the neighbour, as she just isn't that fussed and isn't built that way. She is very quiet (unless on an in car call haha).

I think when DD told me I was cross about the neighbour's behaviour but at the same time aware of how loud in car calls can be. Now I am not cross, I just think the neighbour is a bit weird and the less I have to do with her the better.

OP posts:
Mielikki · 23/02/2025 08:15

AliceMcK · 22/02/2025 16:44

It might be loud and annoying but no one owns the street and people can sit in their cars and talk if they want. I’ve had to tell myself this a thousand times. I have young children and sleep with my windows open, every night I hear cars speeding past (20mph zone) people talking loudly walking past my house, drunk neighbours being dropped off by taxis, people talking on their phones, sitting in cars idoling, music blasting from cars, some arguing and fighting. It’s life, I’m not on a main road but it’s a good access road to other areas so do get a lot of foot and car traffic. I’d love to scream at them to shut the fuck up but the problem with the noise is mine to deal with.

Neighbour was out of order trying to open the car door. Just tell your dd to take her call off hands free in future and yes if it really bothered me I’d have a word with the neighbour.

Sounds like hell on earth. Glad I live in the country!

Riddledwithit · 23/02/2025 08:19

11pm is late to be doing that. The neighbour is still a psycho in my eyes. I'd have come down and made my anger known without battering someone's car and pulling the handles to get in. It's not acceptable.

ssd · 23/02/2025 08:44

The neighbour is out of order, what would have happened if dd hadn't locked the car door???

Convolvulus · 23/02/2025 08:48

ssd · 23/02/2025 08:44

The neighbour is out of order, what would have happened if dd hadn't locked the car door???

She's probably have just opened it and harangued OP's daughter.

CaptainFuture · 23/02/2025 08:52

Did you see/hear the neighbour shouting and all the kerfuffle going on @WeirdNeighbour am assuming you must have? What did you say at the time ? Or was the first you knew about it dd telling you?

BooFestiveTulip · 23/02/2025 08:53

There's nothing quite like a sleep deprived parent - sometimes rationality goes out of the window. Whilst, yes, the parent was in the wrong, I can see how this situation occurred.

Look at the situation from all angles here - just move on.

Hands free conversations in cars aren't ever private by the way - people forget that.

(Edited to correct typos)

Original poster
WeirdNeighbour · 23/02/2025 08:54

I did hear a noise but assumed it was a different noisy neighbour. Completely agree re move on, I am not interested in talking to the car encroaching neighbour.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeirdNeighbour · 23/02/2025 08:55

BooFestiveTulip · 23/02/2025 08:53

There's nothing quite like a sleep deprived parent - sometimes rationality goes out of the window. Whilst, yes, the parent was in the wrong, I can see how this situation occurred.

Look at the situation from all angles here - just move on.

Hands free conversations in cars aren't ever private by the way - people forget that.

(Edited to correct typos)

Edited

agreed. we all react differently and its not for me to know what is going on in their lives.

OP posts:
IKnowAristotle · 23/02/2025 09:02

Well I don't know that hands free could be heard outside the car. I feel like I need to test this later.