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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour tried to get into DD car

110 replies

WeirdNeighbour · 22/02/2025 14:33

Wondering if I should say something to neighbour or not. Teen DD arrived home in her car, parked in road, finished her call in her locked car. She says she was just chatting quietly for less than 5 mins. She's not a loud person at all but I'm aware handsfree calls in cars can be loud outside of the car. However I didn't hear her and I was home, tv off, at that time.
Some neighbour she doesn't know and has never interacted with, ran into the street in her dressing gown, trying to open the car doors and shouting at DD for being loud and waking her children. Scared the shit out of DD.

I've advised DD that calls in cars can be louder than you'd think, so she'll be aware of that in the future, but we both agreed trying to open the car door and shouting were inappropriate. If the lady had said something in a reasonable manner, DD would have been mortified that she'd woken children and apologised profusely but as it was, this woman scared her.

Do I speak to neighbour to say sorry DD woke the kids but something something inappropriate behaviour, or just not bother. I have DDs permission to do so, but not sure I can be bothered.

OP posts:
MinPinSins · 22/02/2025 16:39

Am I misreading something? You didn't say she tried to get into your daughter's care, but that she tried to open the door. Presumably to speak to her - not many people have conversations through closed car doors.

She shouldn't have done that at all, but if she's been a good neighbour so far, I wouldn't say anything. Your daughter did something wrong, she did something wrong. There's no risk of her doing it again because your daughter won't do it again.

If there's been other inappropriate behaviour, I could understand wanting to speak to her.

SlaveToAGoldenRetriever · 22/02/2025 16:41

Neighbour was definitely being unreasonable but Bluetooth phone calls in the car are so loud, personally I try and avoid them as I don’t want everyone else in the surrounding area hearing my conversation! Definitely wouldn’t do one in a quiet neighbourhood at night.

AliceMcK · 22/02/2025 16:44

It might be loud and annoying but no one owns the street and people can sit in their cars and talk if they want. I’ve had to tell myself this a thousand times. I have young children and sleep with my windows open, every night I hear cars speeding past (20mph zone) people talking loudly walking past my house, drunk neighbours being dropped off by taxis, people talking on their phones, sitting in cars idoling, music blasting from cars, some arguing and fighting. It’s life, I’m not on a main road but it’s a good access road to other areas so do get a lot of foot and car traffic. I’d love to scream at them to shut the fuck up but the problem with the noise is mine to deal with.

Neighbour was out of order trying to open the car door. Just tell your dd to take her call off hands free in future and yes if it really bothered me I’d have a word with the neighbour.

Seagullsandsausagerolls · 22/02/2025 16:44

Your neighbour was being unreasonable but so was your daughter. I know way more about my neighbours sex life than I'm comfortable with due to hands free.

BallerinaRadio · 22/02/2025 16:46

Was she talking quietly though? I'm sure this neighbour wouldn't have been quite so drastic for no reason

Hercisback1 · 22/02/2025 16:51

Those calls are so loud, I'm not surprised the neighbours were annoyed. She could take it off handsfree when parked on the drive surely?

Your neighbour sounds like a stressed out mum desperate for sleep.

Diningtableornot · 22/02/2025 16:52

Don't intervene, your daughter is old enough to sort this out herself. Your neighbour may have been absolutely desperate for a quiet night after being kept awake by her child recently, and overreacted a bit, but DD was being inconsiderate. She'll know better next time.

StopStartStop · 22/02/2025 16:54

Keep out of it, and support your dd in keeping her doors locked.

TheCatterall · 22/02/2025 16:54

@WeirdNeighbour i have a neighbour that does this frequently and leaves car running whilst doing it. I have crappy windows and can hear every fecking word of the conversation. Probably not loud in the car - but the car body seems to amplify it externally.

is it really a one off that she’s done? Or is it a few times and the last straw for the neighbour.

Yes it wasn’t handled well ans I would’ve have found that intimidating - a calm word from you might help.

but your daughter can also transfer the call to the phone and get out the car..

CerealPosterHere · 22/02/2025 16:55

MinPinSins · 22/02/2025 16:39

Am I misreading something? You didn't say she tried to get into your daughter's care, but that she tried to open the door. Presumably to speak to her - not many people have conversations through closed car doors.

She shouldn't have done that at all, but if she's been a good neighbour so far, I wouldn't say anything. Your daughter did something wrong, she did something wrong. There's no risk of her doing it again because your daughter won't do it again.

If there's been other inappropriate behaviour, I could understand wanting to speak to her.

The thread title says tries to get into the car.

the actual message reads differently. OP also says that the neighbour was shouting and trying to open the door. Did the shouting (trying to make herself heard) happen first and either the Dd ignored her/didn’t hear her/or refused to get out and discuss it). If Dd knows neighbour was shouting I suspect she was sat in the car refusing to come out and have a discussion which probably annoyed the neighbour more. Neighbour is trying to make sure that the Dd knows exactly why she’s pissed off so tries to open the car door to make sure the Dd has heard about kids been woken up, etc. neither are covered in glory here. Neighbour is probably cringing a bit. Dd needs to reflect on her actions.

DontBorrowTomorrowsTrouble · 22/02/2025 16:56

Handsfree calls are really loud in a car. Your DD may have been speaking quietly but the other person coming through would have been booming.

Your DD was only scared because she wasn’t expecting it, if the woman was trying to open the door it was so she could be heard, it’s not like she was wielding an axe or anything.

Tell DD to maybe conduct phone calls once she’s inside so she doesn’t piss the neighbours off.

ohtowinthelottery · 22/02/2025 16:57

No one should be on hands free calls when parked up in a residential area - they're just too loud. Disney dad picking his child up across the road used to do it all the time. Staring out of the window at him every time he did it seems to have got him to take the hint and it's stopped, thank goodness.

LookItsMeAgain · 22/02/2025 16:58

You stay out of it.
The kids need to learn to be able to sleep when there is noise around. I have no idea how loud the call in the car was but it would have to be REALLY loud to wake a baby/kids up from a nap. Also music in a car has to be very very loud to be heard and be able to wake someone up in their own house.

Don't say or do anything with this neighbour.

FOJN · 22/02/2025 16:58

The neighbours behaviour was unreasonable and I can understand why your daughter was frightened by the experience.

The dressing gown does suggest it was later in the evening or early morning so your daughter should have continued her call via the handset if she was parked and the engine was turned off.

Your daughter is old enough to drive so you should leave her to resolve it with the neighbour herself. She could put a note through the door apologising for waking the children but also making it clear that she did not appreciate your neighbours attempts to get into her car.

howdoyoudooooo · 22/02/2025 17:00

No need for you to get involved, presumably your daughter is at least 17 years old so beyond needing her mother to talk to neighbours on her behalf. I’d let it lie. She shouldn’t have been having a loud call, I’d probably overlook both that and the neighbour’s overreaction if both things are isolated incidents.

Redglitter · 22/02/2025 17:02

If she's old enough to drive she's ol enough to deal with things like this. Neighbour may have been a bit abrupt but as pp said its probably not the first time. It's dealt with. Leave it & don't get involved.

Hdjdb42 · 22/02/2025 17:03

Hands free are really loud! Was it late at night? Think I'd just learn from it and not do it again. Lack of sleep can make mums act crazy. Think I'd forgive the first time.

Auldy · 22/02/2025 17:07

I think a conversation needs to happen with the neighbour and daughter. Daughter should be more aware of the impact of her behaviour on others and neighbour should handle conflict in a better way. I'm going to go against the grain and say that the time doesn't really matter because we should all always be mindful of keeping our behaviour reasonable and respectful no matter the time of day. Some people work nights and sleep during the day, some people are sick or recovering, some people have babies and small children. I once asked my husband to go and shout a bunch of kids playing football in my street because I had just finally got my baby to sleep after hours of colicky crying. Of course he told me to get a grip.

Neighbour was aggressive and that's never ok. I would be worried that she could be problematic in the future.

LionME · 22/02/2025 17:08

No no no.
Even if there was a good reason to go abd aplogise, then it’s your dd tya5 should do that. Not you. She isn’t 6yo anymore (and even then, she should have come with you anyways).
But seeing the behaviour of the woman, I wouldn’t go and apologise. I’m pretty sure it would only end up in getting more mouthful of abuse. No point,

Oioisavaloy27 · 22/02/2025 17:09

Maybe your daughter does it all the time but at the same point the neighbour sounds unhinged.

itsgettingweird · 22/02/2025 17:11

Hdjdb42 · 22/02/2025 17:03

Hands free are really loud! Was it late at night? Think I'd just learn from it and not do it again. Lack of sleep can make mums act crazy. Think I'd forgive the first time.

This.

Her behaviour wasn't ok.

But then neither is talking on handsfree when the whole street can hear your conversation <👀at you neighbour down the road!>

I imagine she went into the blind panic of a sleep deprived parent for a moment where the kids had just finally dropped off.

Just show your DD if she isn't already aware (and if she was she should have used it) the function to switch a call from hands free back to the phone.

LionME · 22/02/2025 17:12

I’m also questioning how loud the dd actually was.

Clearly the NDN heard her. But how did the OP not hear her then?!? How loud was it really?

Im wondering if the NDN struggled to get the dcs to sleep. They woke up (again?) and the NDN just blew up, at whatever could have make that happen. In this case the dd.
Not such a surprising reaction if she is in her knees (but not an excuse furvtye aggressivity!).

SunshineAndFizz · 22/02/2025 17:15

OMG we have a teenager in our street who parks up and does hand free calls.

Drives us mad! It's soooo loud.

Honestly, I side with the dressing gown lady.

ButIToldYouSoooo · 22/02/2025 17:16

I just walked by a car in a local convenience store's parking lot that was playing a podcast of some kind. EVERYONE could hear it as it was super loud and the windows were down as the driver was picking up a food order inside. So inconsiderate and rude and entitled.

CatsBalls · 22/02/2025 17:20

I’ve never once heard someone else’s Bluetooth call. What time was it? Sounds like neighbour was out of order

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