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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour tried to get into DD car

110 replies

WeirdNeighbour · 22/02/2025 14:33

Wondering if I should say something to neighbour or not. Teen DD arrived home in her car, parked in road, finished her call in her locked car. She says she was just chatting quietly for less than 5 mins. She's not a loud person at all but I'm aware handsfree calls in cars can be loud outside of the car. However I didn't hear her and I was home, tv off, at that time.
Some neighbour she doesn't know and has never interacted with, ran into the street in her dressing gown, trying to open the car doors and shouting at DD for being loud and waking her children. Scared the shit out of DD.

I've advised DD that calls in cars can be louder than you'd think, so she'll be aware of that in the future, but we both agreed trying to open the car door and shouting were inappropriate. If the lady had said something in a reasonable manner, DD would have been mortified that she'd woken children and apologised profusely but as it was, this woman scared her.

Do I speak to neighbour to say sorry DD woke the kids but something something inappropriate behaviour, or just not bother. I have DDs permission to do so, but not sure I can be bothered.

OP posts:
Youcancallmeirrelevant · 22/02/2025 17:22

Was the engine still running of she was having a hands free call? That's probably what caused most of the noise. Why didn't she swap the call to her phone and turn the engine off?

Miaowzabella · 22/02/2025 17:24

If your daughter is old enough to drive, surely she is old enough to deal with adult interactions. Why would you need to do it for her?

Comg · 22/02/2025 17:24

Talking on your phone inside the car is fine, as is listening to music. If DD was doing the same at the same volume with the windows open inside the house, it wouldn't be up to anyone to open the door to tell her not to, even if they were being disturbed!

The neighbour is the one out of order and I don't agree that old enough to drive means old enough to deal with dicks who treat you like shit on your own.

It's the daughter's (and OP's) home, so the neighbour needs to be told in no uncertain terms not to behave like that. It's never her place to try to get in to a private space just because it's near her home and she doesn't want other people around, and needs nipping in the bud before she's in the garden or the house asserting her right to silence.

IButtleSir · 22/02/2025 17:25

If your daughter is old enough to drive, she's old enough to deal with this herself.

msbevvy · 22/02/2025 17:33

CatsBalls · 22/02/2025 17:20

I’ve never once heard someone else’s Bluetooth call. What time was it? Sounds like neighbour was out of order

You are lucky. We are on the 2nd floor with double glazing so good that we don't hear car alarms and police sirens. We have heard many a Bluetooth car conversation word for word.

MiraculousLadybug · 22/02/2025 17:34

If you're going to start an apology with "I'm sorry about X but..." then it's not really an apology so don't bother.
You're just passive aggressively trying to have a go at the neighbour. If you genuinely wanted to apologise you'd just say "I'm sorry about X" with no buts or exceptions.
As others have said, she was clearly at the end of her tether with your DD's loud behaviour. Do you genuinely not remember how hard it was when you were putting little ones to bed? She's probably driven to distraction with sleep deprivation and while she didn't handle it well you need to stop and have some empathy.

EleanorReally · 22/02/2025 17:35

i dont think you should get involved
your dd is old enough to drive
she made a mistake

smooththecat · 22/02/2025 17:40

It’s a life lesson, no big deal really, but she won’t become one of those people sitting in the street essentially broadcasting via a megaphone.

smooththecat · 22/02/2025 17:42

Comg · 22/02/2025 17:24

Talking on your phone inside the car is fine, as is listening to music. If DD was doing the same at the same volume with the windows open inside the house, it wouldn't be up to anyone to open the door to tell her not to, even if they were being disturbed!

The neighbour is the one out of order and I don't agree that old enough to drive means old enough to deal with dicks who treat you like shit on your own.

It's the daughter's (and OP's) home, so the neighbour needs to be told in no uncertain terms not to behave like that. It's never her place to try to get in to a private space just because it's near her home and she doesn't want other people around, and needs nipping in the bud before she's in the garden or the house asserting her right to silence.

Sounds like you haven’t heard one of these hands free conversations, it’s extremely loud and a form of anti social behaviour, albeit inadvertently. It’s like standing there with a megaphone in the street outside someone’s house.

Diningtableornot · 22/02/2025 17:51

It's true that 'tried to get in the car' is an exaggeration. Why would the neighbour need to get in the car? She wanted your daughter to hear her so she tried to open the door. This is a woman in a dressing gown who is known to your daughter, not a random attacker. Don't escalate this into something it isn't.

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 17:52

what time was it?

It's winter, most people have their windows shut. If it DID really wake the kids up, it must have been a right racket!

without being there, impossible to know if it was just noise in the background, or very unreasonable anti-social.

samarrange · 22/02/2025 17:52

This is a useful thread because I had no idea that handsfree conversations were loud outside the car! We live in a flat well above ground level and before that we were in a house well back from the road, so I've never experienced it. Next time I pull over to take a call I will definitely remember this! 🙏

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 17:53

samarrange · 22/02/2025 17:52

This is a useful thread because I had no idea that handsfree conversations were loud outside the car! We live in a flat well above ground level and before that we were in a house well back from the road, so I've never experienced it. Next time I pull over to take a call I will definitely remember this! 🙏

ask your partner or a friend to try it, and stand outside, you'll see!
It's usually ridiculously loud. No privacy whatsoever 😂

Convolvulus · 22/02/2025 17:56

If the neighbour was in a dressing gown I'm guessing this was fairly late; also your daughter must have been pretty loud and talking for longer than she says to give the neighbour enough time to get upset about it and go out to the car. You should point out to your daughter that it's hardly surprising if a sleep-deprived neighbour gets upset at her needlessly waking small children, and both of you should let it go.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 22/02/2025 17:57

I wonder if neighbour had to open door as DD was so engrossed in her conversation and couldn't hear neighbour due to the loudness of the conversation.

Hopefully now DD won't do this in future.

BobbyBiscuits · 22/02/2025 17:58

The neighbour should've approached the car and knocked on the window. But I don't think you need to get involved, if your daughter was upset and the neighbour was annoyed with the noise then it's best to just forget it. Or advise your daughter to apologise if they bump into eachother.

PandaTime · 22/02/2025 17:59

Was the car running at the time? I have a neighbour who sits in his running car having conversations. I can't hear the conversation (just when he laughs or gets excited about something) but I do hear the car idling the whole time. It is a bit anti-social.

SheridansPortSalut · 22/02/2025 18:00

Leave it.
She was obviously on her last nerve.

JemimaFlubberCluck · 22/02/2025 18:01

Why does nobody actually pick up their phone and hold it to their ear anymore? Why does everyone else have to listen to both sides of the conversation? I don’t understand.

FumingTRex · 22/02/2025 18:08

Sorry but YABU because hands free calls are really loud. I once went outside in my pyjamas to ask someone to keep it down - she was the opposite side of the car park to my flat and i had doors and windows closed, i could still hear every detail of a very personal phone call. She was mortified. Your car offers no sound insulation to a hands free call.

you say the neighbour “tried to get in”, but presumably she was just opening the door to speak to your DD, not actually getting in?

AInightingale · 22/02/2025 18:10

My neighbour's teenage daughters used to do this, with the engine idling too. And yes it is bloody annoying, as any noise is at night.

I may have yelled 'Shaddddupp' through the open window once at 1.30 am so I suppose that qualifies me as a nutter according to many of the people on this thread.

They both behaved less than wonderfully, your daughter was inconsiderate and the neighbour clearly lost her temper, but if you've got young children, someone waking them is horrible. Can you remember back to how tiring it was and how you would have felt?

Clingfilm · 22/02/2025 18:10

I'm on the neighbours side, I've often thought of doing the same outside my house, dressing gown and all, especially at half eleven at night, we seem live by the perfect pull over point and those calls are LOUD.
Ps she's too old for mum to be stepping in if she can drive.

Velmy · 22/02/2025 18:11

outerspacepotato · 22/02/2025 14:48

Was this late at night? If so, DD can take her phone chat inside and not wake up the neighbors.

Neighbor was out of line trying to to get into the car.

Let your daughter deal with it.

The correct answer.

JohnofWessex · 22/02/2025 18:13

M ay I make a few general points

Firstly the real issue with phone calls when driving is that even if hands free they are still dangerous so you should not be doing it period, especially as a new driver.

then there is a general issue about unnecessary noise from cars eg leaving engines running and music that drivers need to be aware of - but for the most part are not.

It isnt so bad when the vehicle is moving but when they are stopped its rightly annoying

cait967 · 22/02/2025 18:15

Can I guess it was very late at night, and its
probably not the first time. Tell dd to go and apologise and not to do it again.