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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit miffed that I've been uninvited?

88 replies

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:14

Not sure if I'm being overly sensitive so just wanted opinions on this.

Quick backstory:
OH got a new boss around 18 months ago. Long story short they've become very close both in a working relationship but also a personal one too. Boss lives around 3hrs away which near where their head office is - OH is in a role that is home based but with travel to various locations when needed (usually around 2 weeks a month) but when they're travelling or OH has to go the head office they obviously meet up for work but also socialise etc. OH has met his fiancée a few times and is going to stay with them at their house in a few months when boss has his stag do. I hear about this man quite a lot 😂

Boss is getting married this summer. While the official invites haven't been sent out yet, I'd been told we were both invited to the evening do. Great! I finally get to meet the man I hear so much about. We were planning on making a little weekend away of it as we very rarely do anything together. OH announced yesterday that he's now got an invite to the day do but that means I'm ditched and no longer invited to any of it.
OH is thrilled he's been honoured with an invite to the day event but I feel a bit upset that the weekend we had planned is now scrapped and I've been 'uninvited'

I totally understand weddings can be a nightmare to plan and that I don't know these people so they don't owe me anything. I just feel a bit sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
Redpeach · 22/02/2025 08:17

Surely you can still go to the evening part?

Archive · 22/02/2025 08:17

Does he know anybody else going other than the bride & groom that are, presumably, going to be a bit busy that day?

Herewegoagainz · 22/02/2025 08:18

Are you sure you were invited to the evening do?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/02/2025 08:18

Has he made any effort to reorganise your weekend away?

Stai · 22/02/2025 08:18

Sounds like your husband jumped the gun a bit. Wedding planning can be tricky, so best not to hedge your bets before the invite comes out. I can understand not inviting someone they’ve never met to their wedding though, even if it is disappointing for you.

Why don’t you and your partner do anything together? It sounds a bit like you were relying on this. Could you not still plan a weekend away together on a different date?

Ferrazzuoli · 22/02/2025 08:18

YANBU to feel a bit disappointed. Are you more upset about missing the wedding, or about not going away for the weekend with your DP? If it's the latter, can you arrange a separate trip away on a different weekend?

Stai · 22/02/2025 08:20

Archive · 22/02/2025 08:17

Does he know anybody else going other than the bride & groom that are, presumably, going to be a bit busy that day?

He’s going to the stag do so will get to know people beforehand. I’ve had this with hen dos.

Archive · 22/02/2025 08:21

Stai · 22/02/2025 08:20

He’s going to the stag do so will get to know people beforehand. I’ve had this with hen dos.

Show quote history

Ah, missed that bit. I was going to suggest that there may be some confusion and that OP was likely also invited if her partner didn’t know anybody else attending.

MatchaTea1 · 22/02/2025 08:21

You could still make a weekend of it and find something nice to do while he attends the wedding. I can’t think of anything worse than attending the wedding of someone I’d never met and wouldn’t know any of the other guests. My DH and I have gone to weddings on our own a few times over the years and I don’t think the other one has been bothered about missing out. There was one I went to in Krakow before kids that he didn’t get invited to, but we both flew to the city together and had a lovely long weekend, and he did a bit of sightseeing while I was at the wedding.

Moonlightstars · 22/02/2025 08:21

As a general rule I think it's okay to invite only work colleagues and not the partners to weddings. I've been quite a few weddings where so they took group of us from work. I get the being miffed bit though due to the change in expectation.

Original poster
mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:22

As I said no official invites sent yet but yes, OH has said boss had said a few times that we were both invited to evening do.
He had a meeting with him this week and he'd said that he really wants him at the day do as they've become good mates but it means numbers wise I can no longer come 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't really understand either.

And no, OH won't know anyone else there as nobody else from their team is being invited to the day.

OP posts:
JMSA · 22/02/2025 08:22

Your husband sounds like a total 'pick me'.
YANBU for being ditched like this!

JMSA · 22/02/2025 08:23

Sorry, what I meant to say was 'YANBU at being unimpressed at being ditched like this'.

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Waterboatlass · 22/02/2025 08:23

That's a shame when you'd got a plan in mind. I'd make the best of it though. If it's a nice place for a weekend break in summer, could you find enough to do the day and evening of the wedding to amuse yourself and spend a bit of time together Fri and Sun?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 22/02/2025 08:25

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:22

As I said no official invites sent yet but yes, OH has said boss had said a few times that we were both invited to evening do.
He had a meeting with him this week and he'd said that he really wants him at the day do as they've become good mates but it means numbers wise I can no longer come 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't really understand either.

And no, OH won't know anyone else there as nobody else from their team is being invited to the day.

How does your OH going to the day part affect the numbers for the evening part...?

That's a crock of shit

JMSA · 22/02/2025 08:25

MatchaTea1 · 22/02/2025 08:21

You could still make a weekend of it and find something nice to do while he attends the wedding. I can’t think of anything worse than attending the wedding of someone I’d never met and wouldn’t know any of the other guests. My DH and I have gone to weddings on our own a few times over the years and I don’t think the other one has been bothered about missing out. There was one I went to in Krakow before kids that he didn’t get invited to, but we both flew to the city together and had a lovely long weekend, and he did a bit of sightseeing while I was at the wedding.

He sounds like the type to leave the OP in the hotel for hours while he schmoozes with the boss.

alwayslearning789 · 22/02/2025 08:26

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

"OH has met his fiancée a few times... and is going to stay with them at their house in a few months when boss has his stag do. I hear about this man quite a lot 😂"

So they have all met and he hasn't thought to introduce you?

Have to agree I think it's weird too.

I agree that I would be miffed too.

Waterboatlass · 22/02/2025 08:27

Hang on, what's being suggested here?!

Flamingoknees · 22/02/2025 08:30

I don't think I believe DH about you not being able to attend the night time do. It doesn't make sense. I also think his "boss" is unprofessional and has poor boundaries.

RainingRoses · 22/02/2025 08:31

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

Because just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean you have to do absolutely everything together.

Guests at weddings are limited. Whether or not a partner of a guest gets invited depends on where in the priority list that guest is. A good friend, then yes, partner too. A work friend, then no, not wasting a space on their spouse that I’ve never met before.

Lifestooshort71 · 22/02/2025 08:31

I sense that your underlying 'miffness' is that you've never met this person who your OH seems so attached to and it's a world that is excluding you. I would feel the same and would want my OH to 'get it' and perhaps wangle a meet between you all at some other time. His boss is taking up a lot of his headspace, some of which should be devoted to you and your lives. I'm not saying there is anything untoward going on but he does seem to be drifting away a little bit.

NotBuiltForSpeed · 22/02/2025 08:34

Sounds a bit odd that you have been uninvited to the evening do.

It's OK your partner getting on with his boss day-to-day, but on his wedding day, his boss will be busy with his wedding, family, and other friends and their partners...What will he do then?

Can you not go on the weekend away, and then meet up later at the evening do? Are you sure your partner hasn't cancelled your invite? In favour of fitting around spending all day with his boss, and not having to rearrange things to include you?

ForZanyAquaViewer · 22/02/2025 08:40

I wouldn’t be miffed about this. This isn’t a friendship/relationship that has anything to do with you. You’re basically not going to a complete strangers’ wedding.

If it turns out that your DH just wants to go by himself and schmooze a bit, that’s also fine, imo. Although I’d be cross that he hadn’t just said so in the first place.

FrenchandSaunders · 22/02/2025 08:46

Odd. Sounds like a big crush going on. How have his friendships with guys been in the past? Is there a pattern of this intense behaviour.

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