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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit miffed that I've been uninvited?

88 replies

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:14

Not sure if I'm being overly sensitive so just wanted opinions on this.

Quick backstory:
OH got a new boss around 18 months ago. Long story short they've become very close both in a working relationship but also a personal one too. Boss lives around 3hrs away which near where their head office is - OH is in a role that is home based but with travel to various locations when needed (usually around 2 weeks a month) but when they're travelling or OH has to go the head office they obviously meet up for work but also socialise etc. OH has met his fiancée a few times and is going to stay with them at their house in a few months when boss has his stag do. I hear about this man quite a lot 😂

Boss is getting married this summer. While the official invites haven't been sent out yet, I'd been told we were both invited to the evening do. Great! I finally get to meet the man I hear so much about. We were planning on making a little weekend away of it as we very rarely do anything together. OH announced yesterday that he's now got an invite to the day do but that means I'm ditched and no longer invited to any of it.
OH is thrilled he's been honoured with an invite to the day event but I feel a bit upset that the weekend we had planned is now scrapped and I've been 'uninvited'

I totally understand weddings can be a nightmare to plan and that I don't know these people so they don't owe me anything. I just feel a bit sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 22/02/2025 10:24

If you were both potentially going to be invited to the evening do then it's a bit odd that just because the boss is now paying out for an additional day guest (so maybe a sit down meal etc) why that would affect the evening do. Was that just going to be a disco and buffet type thing? If so, it makes no difference to the boss surely?
It does sound a little bit odd.

Mintyt · 22/02/2025 10:25

I think it's good that you have thought this through and are okay with it. That's a healthy relationship, it's ok to be disappointed and it's good to voice it and get over it too

ctk496 · 22/02/2025 10:31

I would be worried if he didn’t have a crush on his boss there was someone else going you don’t know about of something he doesn’t want you knowing

ctk496 · 22/02/2025 10:33

KhakiOrca · 22/02/2025 09:57

I have to agree. And spending lots of time with the new boss could be a cover.

Show quote history

This was my thoughts I’ve seen it happen before!

RainingRoses · 22/02/2025 10:35

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 09:44

Ok to clear a few things up

Reason we rarely do anything is due to kids/ busy schedules. We both work full time and when we do anything it's usually as a family

OH doesn't have many friends - moved around a lot as a kid so didn't really have chance to maintain any meaningful friendships. He's a few that he's made through playing football and my friends husbands etc. I'm happy that he's formed a close bond with this guy and while he's technically his 'boss' for now, OH is due a promotion shortly to a similar level so they will work very closely together on certain projects.

OH is not a 'schmoozer' - he does feel bad and did offer to ask if I could come to the evening do but I don't want to put them out - it's their wedding! He's certainly not the type to leave me in a hotel room for hours 😂

Yes he has said he will plan another weekend away for us

Maybe I shouldn't have jumped the gun and assumed the invite was going ahead.

And if boot was on the other foot? He'd actually be ok about it.

Thanks all, given my head a shake and had a think. Initially felt a bit put out but in the grand scheme of things I don't think it's such a big deal!

Love this update. As per usual MNers have jumped on the chance to criticise the man and make out like he’s selfish or desperate, with someone even suggesting your husband may love the guy…

Your husband sounds like a decent guy. Hope you guys enjoy the weekend trip when it comes!

Cctviswatchingme001 · 22/02/2025 10:39

Doesn't add up. Staying at his boss house is weird, same as going to his stags. I'm a hugh over thinker though. My head would be telling me that the boss and his fiancee are perhaps thinking of setting your DH up with somebody at the wedding or they already have. They don't know you so no loyalties. I've seen similar things happen before.

BobbyBiscuits · 22/02/2025 10:39

I don't think you were invited in the first place. Your husband shouldn't have assumed. They don't know you, but I guess you were hoping to be his plus one. If I were you I'd go away to a mates house or with friends somewhere else that weekend.

pictoosh · 22/02/2025 10:39

Good for you OP. The couple getting married decide the who, what, where of the wedding and there's little to be said about that. The plan has changed and your dh isn't in a position to query it.

Arrange another weekend away, yes. Be something to plan and look forward to.

whatonearthisgoingonnow · 22/02/2025 10:42

I can't imagine getting upset about being uninvited to someone's boss's wedding.

Better to plan your own weekend on your own terms.

ButIToldYouSoooo · 22/02/2025 10:45

I honestly don't think much of your husband, OP.

Nothing wrong with going to a work colleague's wedding alone, it's not uncommon, but this whole situation sounds a bit ridiculous. Only one from office going, so a 'friend' who expected his wife would be included with him. Weird and unsettling, tbh

Trunksarebetter · 22/02/2025 11:02

Honestly, some of the responses on this thread are deranged. OP’s husband is thrilled to get a day invitation - therefore he must also be thrilled that the OP doesn’t get one. OP’s husband is weird to even want to go. OP’s husband must be secretly gay and in love with his boss. OP’s boss and fiancée are secretly trying to break up OP’s marriage so they can set him up with someone else. It’s ridiculous! If these were storylines in an ITV drama, you’d switch it off because it’s too far-fetched!

OP - your update makes you sound way more sensible and rational than a lot of the posters on this thread. Stay on that path and don’t be influenced by some of the frankly unhinged comments here.

Trunksarebetter · 22/02/2025 11:05

rainbowstardrops · 22/02/2025 10:24

If you were both potentially going to be invited to the evening do then it's a bit odd that just because the boss is now paying out for an additional day guest (so maybe a sit down meal etc) why that would affect the evening do. Was that just going to be a disco and buffet type thing? If so, it makes no difference to the boss surely?
It does sound a little bit odd.

You’re assuming OP’s husband is the only additional day guest. There could be 10 or 20 of them.

It’s perfectly feasible that the bride and groom have been looking at the list, decided to invite more people to the full day and, as a result, are only inviting an extra 50 people (for example) on the night instead of 75 or 100 in order to make the budget work.

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 11:17

Trunksarebetter · 22/02/2025 11:02

Honestly, some of the responses on this thread are deranged. OP’s husband is thrilled to get a day invitation - therefore he must also be thrilled that the OP doesn’t get one. OP’s husband is weird to even want to go. OP’s husband must be secretly gay and in love with his boss. OP’s boss and fiancée are secretly trying to break up OP’s marriage so they can set him up with someone else. It’s ridiculous! If these were storylines in an ITV drama, you’d switch it off because it’s too far-fetched!

OP - your update makes you sound way more sensible and rational than a lot of the posters on this thread. Stay on that path and don’t be influenced by some of the frankly unhinged comments here.

Agree. Some batshit stuff on here.😂

Sunglow1921 · 22/02/2025 11:27

YANBU. I think it’s very inconsiderate of the boss to leave you out. I can understand not inviting a casual gf, but when someone is in a long, committed relationship or married, it’s bizarre not to include their partner.

Ideally, if it was just a friend, your DH would decline, but he might be in an awkward position professionally. The boss has shown poor boundaries and a lack of judgement. There’s not much you can do about it unfortunately.

Delatron · 22/02/2025 11:32

TennisLady · 22/02/2025 10:15

This is a bit weird, he wants to go to a full wedding where he’s the only one invited from work and he’ll have only just met some of the others on the stag do. He’s thrilled at the invite and that you no longer get to go?

Just seems a bit off really!

Yeah all of this. So strange that he’s ’thrilled’ to be going to the day event without you. His boss will be busy all day. Your DH may be sociable but it’s still basically hanging around all day with people he doesn’t know.

Trunksarebetter · 22/02/2025 11:34

So strange that he’s ’thrilled’ to be going to the day event without you.

Again, where are you getting that thrilled he’s going equals thrilled that OP isn’t?

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 11:35

Delatron · 22/02/2025 11:32

Yeah all of this. So strange that he’s ’thrilled’ to be going to the day event without you. His boss will be busy all day. Your DH may be sociable but it’s still basically hanging around all day with people he doesn’t know.

Show quote history

Are you quite ok, or did you wake up and chose mean?

he’s delighted to go all day as it shows how well his boss thinks of him and their relationship. This doesn’t indicate he’s delighted the op isn’t going.

as I am sure you know but fancied rushing in and giving her a kick?

Delatron · 22/02/2025 11:35

I’d be absolutely fine about not going (I wouldn’t want to go to be honest). I just find your DH’s enthusiasm for it all strange. My DH is a sociable guy and this would be his idea of hell. He’d really want me there too.

Delatron · 22/02/2025 11:39

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 11:35

Are you quite ok, or did you wake up and chose mean?

he’s delighted to go all day as it shows how well his boss thinks of him and their relationship. This doesn’t indicate he’s delighted the op isn’t going.

as I am sure you know but fancied rushing in and giving her a kick?

Show quote history

I’m not trying to be mean. I just don’t get it, as lots of others don’t too. It’s a discussion forum….

I find it bizarre that he’s ’thrilled and honoured’ to be invited to the day do without the OP and where he’ll know nobody. But he must be a very sociable person. I’m not saying it’s reflective of their relationship.

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 11:42

Honestly, some of the responses on this thread are deranged.

glad it's not just me 😂

I don't know if people are bored so they are trying to stir some trouble for the fun of it, or if they have so little life that they actually believe a word they writing

TennisLady · 22/02/2025 11:52

Deranged because people see it differently than you do? I wouldn’t call you deranged for having a different opinion.

Anyway, I just think if that was me and I’d planned a whole rare night/ weekend away without kids with my DH based on the evening invite to this wedding I’d feel a bit guilty/bad if then it was changed to only me invited for the whole day and now DH not invited at all. Personally I would then not enjoy being at a wedding all day where I wouldn’t really know anyone but I know others wouldn’t care about that.

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 11:54

Delatron · 22/02/2025 11:39

I’m not trying to be mean. I just don’t get it, as lots of others don’t too. It’s a discussion forum….

I find it bizarre that he’s ’thrilled and honoured’ to be invited to the day do without the OP and where he’ll know nobody. But he must be a very sociable person. I’m not saying it’s reflective of their relationship.

Show quote history

He’s not thrilled to be going without the op she never wrote that, hes thrilled to be going full stop as it shows how much his boss thinks of him

i cant fathom why you can’t grasp that.

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 11:55

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 11:42

Honestly, some of the responses on this thread are deranged.

glad it's not just me 😂

I don't know if people are bored so they are trying to stir some trouble for the fun of it, or if they have so little life that they actually believe a word they writing

Absolutely, some are even doubling down and giving a little head tilt as they do it.

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 11:56

TennisLady · 22/02/2025 11:52

Deranged because people see it differently than you do? I wouldn’t call you deranged for having a different opinion.

Anyway, I just think if that was me and I’d planned a whole rare night/ weekend away without kids with my DH based on the evening invite to this wedding I’d feel a bit guilty/bad if then it was changed to only me invited for the whole day and now DH not invited at all. Personally I would then not enjoy being at a wedding all day where I wouldn’t really know anyone but I know others wouldn’t care about that.

it's not opinion though

it's making up complete insane scenario and accuse the DH to want to meet his lover, or to be gay, in love with the groom and.. doing what on the wedding day exactly? 😂😂

Deranged doesn't cover it.

Delatron · 22/02/2025 12:02

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 11:54

He’s not thrilled to be going without the op she never wrote that, hes thrilled to be going full stop as it shows how much his boss thinks of him

i cant fathom why you can’t grasp that.

Show quote history

I can fathom that. I find the adoration of the boss a bit strange that’s all