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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling a bit miffed that I've been uninvited?

88 replies

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:14

Not sure if I'm being overly sensitive so just wanted opinions on this.

Quick backstory:
OH got a new boss around 18 months ago. Long story short they've become very close both in a working relationship but also a personal one too. Boss lives around 3hrs away which near where their head office is - OH is in a role that is home based but with travel to various locations when needed (usually around 2 weeks a month) but when they're travelling or OH has to go the head office they obviously meet up for work but also socialise etc. OH has met his fiancée a few times and is going to stay with them at their house in a few months when boss has his stag do. I hear about this man quite a lot 😂

Boss is getting married this summer. While the official invites haven't been sent out yet, I'd been told we were both invited to the evening do. Great! I finally get to meet the man I hear so much about. We were planning on making a little weekend away of it as we very rarely do anything together. OH announced yesterday that he's now got an invite to the day do but that means I'm ditched and no longer invited to any of it.
OH is thrilled he's been honoured with an invite to the day event but I feel a bit upset that the weekend we had planned is now scrapped and I've been 'uninvited'

I totally understand weddings can be a nightmare to plan and that I don't know these people so they don't owe me anything. I just feel a bit sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
ValentineValentineV · 22/02/2025 08:50

Just wait and see what the official invites says, until then neither of you are invited to anything.

MummaMummaMumma · 22/02/2025 08:52

But, you never received an invite, so you have not been invited. You are not invited at all.
In my experience, it is usually the bride who mostly deals with invites and many don't offer plus ones. They've never met you and your partner is a new friend of the boss, so unlikely to invite you.
Just plan a different weekend away? No Biggie.

SallyWD · 22/02/2025 09:04

I'm not sure I'd believe that I was suddenly uninvited to the evening bit because of "numbers." Seems unlikely as you wouldn't be having a meal, just hanging out.
I think your DH isn't being entirely honest (perhaps). Doesn't need to be a sinister reason. Maybe he thinks he can let his hair down more if he goes alone.

ValentineValentineV · 22/02/2025 09:12

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

I love going to events on my own and mixing with new people.

Zusammengebrochen · 22/02/2025 09:18

Has OH ever been this close to another male before?

converseandjeans · 22/02/2025 09:20

I wouldn't want to go to the wedding of someone I had never met. So I would say that it's best leave him to it.

I don't think he is currently prioritising you though. He hasn't suggested an alternative & you don't appear to do many fun things as a couple. If you had children he would just leave you to get on with it while he swans about being 'important'

Endofyear · 22/02/2025 09:21

I wouldn't be upset about not going - you don't know him and your husband does so let him go and have a good time, I expect there'll be a few work colleagues there! Why not arrange a nice weekend away for the two of you another time?

Booboobagins · 22/02/2025 09:22

If the shoes was on the other foot how would your DH feel. I bet you wouldn't be going to no wedding on your own qithout a fight!!!! Why hasn't your DH thought about you? Is he normally a selfish AH?

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 09:27

It sounds like the couple have made the best choice: it's a bit rude to expect someone to travel just for an evening invit. They're been nice about it frankly.

It makes more sense than inviting the partner of a work colleague, who they've never met and will likely never see again.

Just plan another weekend.

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 09:28

Zusammengebrochen · 22/02/2025 09:18

Has OH ever been this close to another male before?

as in, did he have friends before? 😂😂😂

I know it's a shocking concept for some posters, but some of us do!

Tulipsandaffodils · 22/02/2025 09:29

Redpeach · 22/02/2025 08:17

Surely you can still go to the evening part?

You can’t just turn up uninvited to someone’s wedding. 😂

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 22/02/2025 09:32

Poor boundaries all around. Your husband sounds like he's very keen on impressing this boss and not in a work capacity. Has messy written all over it to me.

Original poster
mentalloader · 22/02/2025 09:44

Ok to clear a few things up

Reason we rarely do anything is due to kids/ busy schedules. We both work full time and when we do anything it's usually as a family

OH doesn't have many friends - moved around a lot as a kid so didn't really have chance to maintain any meaningful friendships. He's a few that he's made through playing football and my friends husbands etc. I'm happy that he's formed a close bond with this guy and while he's technically his 'boss' for now, OH is due a promotion shortly to a similar level so they will work very closely together on certain projects.

OH is not a 'schmoozer' - he does feel bad and did offer to ask if I could come to the evening do but I don't want to put them out - it's their wedding! He's certainly not the type to leave me in a hotel room for hours 😂

Yes he has said he will plan another weekend away for us

Maybe I shouldn't have jumped the gun and assumed the invite was going ahead.

And if boot was on the other foot? He'd actually be ok about it.

Thanks all, given my head a shake and had a think. Initially felt a bit put out but in the grand scheme of things I don't think it's such a big deal!

OP posts:
Charismatica · 22/02/2025 09:48

The one part of this that jumps out at me is:

‘OH is thrilled he's been honoured with an invite to the day event…’

This would imply he couldn’t care less about you not going.

Is it possible that someone else is attending this wedding that your husband may want to spend time with?

The whole thing sounds suspicious to me ….:

Charismatica · 22/02/2025 09:51

Just read your update OP and ignore my post! You’ve provided a lot of info that puts your situation in a very different light!

Apologies

SoInLuv · 22/02/2025 09:57

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

I totally agree!!

KhakiOrca · 22/02/2025 09:57

Charismatica · 22/02/2025 09:48

The one part of this that jumps out at me is:

‘OH is thrilled he's been honoured with an invite to the day event…’

This would imply he couldn’t care less about you not going.

Is it possible that someone else is attending this wedding that your husband may want to spend time with?

The whole thing sounds suspicious to me ….:

I have to agree. And spending lots of time with the new boss could be a cover.

Crazybaby123 · 22/02/2025 09:59

A wedding is a celebration of people that mean something to you and you want them there with you. Thry are also expensive per head and often capped at a certain capacity. Seeing as you have never met either the bride or groom, then I wouldnt be bothered, in fact I would be releived not to spend the day with friends and family of people I know nothing about and have never met and plan another weekend. It is a relatively new friendship for your husband too its not like his best mate from school. Maybe the brides mum asked if great Aunty Sandra and her teo chilren can be added to the guest list and the bride bas had to make cuts to the original list to accomodate. You literally know nothing about why they changed the invite.

thedogatethecattreats · 22/02/2025 10:01

Slobberchops1 · 22/02/2025 08:23

This is all so weird . Why would anyone want to go to a full day wedding without their partner where they don’t know anyone else ? talk about dullsville .

Why would a couple getting married not think to invite a guests partner?

Also why is your partner going along with this ? Like if I got invited to a full day wedding without a +1 and I only knew the bride and groom- it would be a thanks but no thanks

is he in love with his boss ?

Edited

😂😂😂

First he will meet people at the stag night,

and unlike some posters on here, he sounds NORMAL! People can have conversations with people they only met, not everyone needs a hand hold or is paralysed at the idea of social events.

HOW do some posters manage in the real world I'll never know 😂

Trunksarebetter · 22/02/2025 10:05

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 22/02/2025 08:25

How does your OH going to the day part affect the numbers for the evening part...?

That's a crock of shit

Show quote history

They’re cutting back on the evening do to spend more on the main reception?

Doesn’t seem that outlandish.

thepariscrimefiles · 22/02/2025 10:06

mentalloader · 22/02/2025 08:22

As I said no official invites sent yet but yes, OH has said boss had said a few times that we were both invited to evening do.
He had a meeting with him this week and he'd said that he really wants him at the day do as they've become good mates but it means numbers wise I can no longer come 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't really understand either.

And no, OH won't know anyone else there as nobody else from their team is being invited to the day.

Your DH shouldn't really feel 'thrilled' that you have been uninvited from the wedding so that he can attend the full event. It sounds rather disloyal and doesn't really make sense. Why would him attending all day mean that there was no longer room for you at the evening do?

I'd be pretty miffed.

ExtraOnions · 22/02/2025 10:07

…then at the wedding, sat next to the Groom’s single sister …

There is no one from his team going, he knows nobody other than the groom.

All seems a bit odd

MargaretThursday · 22/02/2025 10:10

I suspect that it may be that it was only your DP invited all along, and he assumed.
What's probably happened was boss said vague "all invited" noises round work about the evening event.
When it's come to boss actually sitting down and planning he's said to his fiancé, that there's a couple of extra people from work he'd now like to invite to the daytime if they can squeeze them in. They've looked at it and said yep they can, and because they've never met the partners have decided not partners. You may well find that even for the evening event they're only inviting partners they've met.

If you've never met them, then I'd think it was odd to be invited.
But also I'd not really think it exciting to be meeting dh's colleagues. I mean I hear about some of them quite a bit. He's worked there for 25 years so I have met a number of them over the years at various things, but that's an area of his life that actually I don't expect to be part of. Equally well he hasn't met most of my colleagues although I've been there nothing like that long.

And if I did want to meet one of dh's colleagues I would not want it to be at their wedding when they would have far more important people to speak to than a colleagues' wife who they've never met.

Why don't you see if your dp would like to invite them both round for a meal some time. That way you can meet and actually get to know them as a person rather than just someone who's busy at their own wedding.

Sugargliderwombat · 22/02/2025 10:14

Charismatica · 22/02/2025 09:48

The one part of this that jumps out at me is:

‘OH is thrilled he's been honoured with an invite to the day event…’

This would imply he couldn’t care less about you not going.

Is it possible that someone else is attending this wedding that your husband may want to spend time with?

The whole thing sounds suspicious to me ….:

This made me chuckle. Are all couples joined at the hip? Surely it's fine to just go to a wedding solo?

TennisLady · 22/02/2025 10:15

This is a bit weird, he wants to go to a full wedding where he’s the only one invited from work and he’ll have only just met some of the others on the stag do. He’s thrilled at the invite and that you no longer get to go?

Just seems a bit off really!