To think it’s my business who gets my money when I die?

[Trunksarebetter]

Not really a big issue I suppose, as ultimately no one else will be able to decide for me (or argue with me when it happens!), but this has annoyed me!

I don’t have children and am very happy for it to stay that way. I was having a general discussion with my parents about retirement plans, as they’re looking to downsize now that they’re retiring. I said I’d probably do similar when I’m older to give myself a lump sum, or maybe do equity release if I decide I don’t want to move. I added that I know a lot of people are against equity release, but that it wouldn’t be the same issue for me, because it’s not as if I have children who will be expecting an inheritance.

My dad said, almost before I’d finished speaking, and in what I felt was a quite causal/dismissive way, “Well, it’ll all go to Lucy”. I said, “Sorry?” and he said, “Your house, your money; it’ll all go to Lucy when you die.”

Lucy is my niece; my brother’s only child. I love her very much and, in all likelihood, I will indeed leave her anything that happens to be left over. But I’m certainly not planning my finances with an inheritance for her in mind. She’ll get everything from her parents, plus whatever my parents leave to my brother - she certainly won’t have to rely on getting anything from me!

I said, fairly jokingly, “Er, hang on - I think that’s up to me! I might not want to leave it all to Lucy!” But my dad seemed to take it quite seriously. He was saying, “Well who else are you going to leave it to? Friends? What’s the point in that when you’re all around the same age anyway? Of course you’ll leave it to Lucy.”

I replied that I’d probably do just that, but a) it would be MY choice and there was no “of course” about it and b) that while she was welcome to anything that was left over, I wasn’t planning for there to be much, because I’m going to spend it, on me.

My dad was a bit huffy about this. He has an awful habit of getting dismissive when a discussion doesn’t go his way, and that’s what I got this time - an “Okay, fine; that’s that”, where he’ll try to shut down the conversation, but then will still throw in a “I just think that…” and goes back to his original point.

I know that it doesn’t realistically matter, as I don’t have to even tell my parents what’s in my will, and unless they outlive me, they’ll never find out. But it’s the assumption that annoys me. What if I wanted to leave the whole lot to charity? Or just plain old didn’t want someone else telling me what was happening to my money? Surely this isn’t for anyone to make assumptions about, family or otherwise?

Lucy will probably be about 60 or 70 by the time OP dies. It's not going to make a huge difference to her.

Her dad was clumsy at best, basically telling her not to spend her own money because she should leave it all to the niece. He wasn't offering an opinion, he was telling her off for considering prioritising herself rather than her niece.

It sounds to me like OP not having kids is a bit uncomfortable for her dad - he didn't like the way she made a flippant remark about not needing to consider them.

Wow, how uninformed.

Why are you a mum if you're not compassionate?

Do you think if your kids died, you can't come on here again?

Honestly, must we do this every other week?

Those saying the dad was thinking of his inheritance being passed down, what if OP decides to adopt, foster or such?

There's no given in life, and it's up to OP what she does with her money.

But there’s nothing to stop them leaving money directly to Lucy if they want her to benefit. In fact it would be much better to do that, rather than hoping I won’t spend it in the meantime.

It would be a bit odd to leave me money in the hope that I wouldn’t spend it and would instead pass it on to my niece, when they could just leave it to her in the first place.

I didn't expect that response. It's a very reasonable stance. My original reply was intended to show the emotive nature of inheritance etc, and ask how you would feel... you are walking the walk, so fair play to you.

I would let your parents assume its all going to Lucy to keep the peace. Then do your own thing, preferably spend it all on an extravagant lifestyle.

But I have a parenting issue. Surely this is the ideal place to discuss it?

He is Lucy’s GF so would naturally want her to be comfortable in life.

As I said, she’s an only child, so will get everything my brother and his wife own, plus anything my parents leave to my brother (or to her directly). I think she’ll survive!

My sister is leaving everything to a cat's home. Has a trust set up for it and everything. We have nieces she could leave it to (as we have another sibling with daughters), but I don't think anyone has batted an eyelid over it.

It's entirely your business. Your dad was wrong to make an assumption.

However I have just read all of your posts and to me you're coming across as a bit prickly to be honest.

I think that's more the issue here.

Looking at your answers to posts on this thread, it would appear you generally don't like people questioning you or giving their opinions.

So is the problem what your dad said or how you interpret questions?

@KittyMittyDooDah MNHQ have made clear many times that this site isn't just for mothers or indeed for parents. It's their site, you'd think they'd know.

Well come on - you did rather ask for that.

Sorry 😔 I should have stayed in my box like a nice compliant little girl.

Your foot stamping is more inline with little girl behaviour.

Ha! Says the woman still trying to claim I demanded an inheritance from my parents when literally everyone else managed to understand the context of the equity release point.

Yes, how dare she counter the assumptions about what she should do with her own money?

Ridiculous. Her dad's in the wrong. He can leave his money to Lucy if he wants to. OP said she'd be fine with that.

Your father should have kept his assumptions to himself. I would be irritated too. IMO it’s best not to discuss these matters with anyone else for exactly this reason. Of course you can leave your money to whoever you choose.

However, it’s essential to write a will so that your wishes are followed, otherwise rules of intestacy apply and your estate may well go to relatives you hadn’t intended. Everyone should have a will. Do it while you’re in good health, discuss it with no one and forget about it. You can always amend it in future years if your wishes change.

Agreed. It’s so clear from this thread that the women attacking OP are grasping mothers who think their own children would also be entitled to expect inheritance from childless aunts and uncles. We see you.

I didn't say you demanded an inheritance from your parents. I totally understand the context of your equity release point. I don't think there was anything wrong with you bringing it up. I simply pointed out that the relevance of that context relies on an assumption that children will inherit.