Asking DS’s neighbours to keep an eye on him

[PlumMaker]

DS is 25 and recently has moved in to his own flat which he rents. DS has ASD and ADHD and this is the first time he has lived away from home. DS works full time and drives. When I went over to see DS soon after he moved to his new flat without DS knowing I spoke to 2 of his neighbours. I told them that DS has ASD and ADHD and would that I would be really grateful if they could keep an eye on him but understood and respected their decision if they did not wish to do that. I also gave them my mobile number and my DH’s number in case they need to contact us.

Told my friend recently about what I did and she told me thought I massively overstepped a boundary and I had no right telling DS’s neighbours that he has ASD and ADHD. I’ve not told DS about speaking to his neighbours.

Do you think I was being unreasonable?

To avoid drip feeding I do worry about DS living on his own, he is very isolated and has no friends at all in his life.

Ok, we have had pages and pages of people screaming at this mother for what she has done. I have been reading this in disbelief because, regardless of what has gone on, the people on here are coming across as unpleasant, nasty and blaming. The mother has, presumably, read all these posts. Have any of you given a thought to how she must be feeling now? If I were that mother, I would be absolutely devastated given the accusations and abuse hurled at me. Apart from anything else, there is nothing new in the posts, each one is more or less a slightly differently phrased version of the one before, delivered by a pack of baying hounds.
I am not condoning the mother’s actions. However, I do feel that being criticised, blamed and vilified in this way could have a very nasty effect on her. Let’s hope that, on top of her worry about her son, all this has not driven her to do anything stupid.
This post is appalling.

Is op coming back?

I have an ASD teen and I think you were very unreasonable. You breached your sons privacy and put his neighbours in an uncomfortable position.

I completely understand why you did what you did. You have spent your whole life guiding and protecting your DS. It is all we know. The transition to adulthood and independence is such a worrying time for parents and we often get it wrong (I do at least). My DS is 21 still at home I know I'll be a nervous wreck if and when he does live independently. My ds hates talking about his autism to others and I've overstepped a few times. We protect and worry so much it's all we know. My ds feels we talk too much about his disability so
I now respect his wishes. Be kind to yourself
Its rough, people don't really understand what
You have gone through to get to this point.

How dare you? What a disgusting breach of his privacy. You have NO IDEA who they will tell or whether they will use this information against him. You are living in cloud cuckoo land if you think telling strangers about a vulnerability will mean they definitely want to help out. Sincerely hope they are not scammers, criminals or bigoted against people with disabilities.

Hope you read every response and learned your lesson and never behave so irresponsibly again.

Well said @Ilikeadrink14 and @jamiejamiejamie .