To be upset with my DH’s reaction to a parking problem?

[LovelyBranches]

We have a problem neighbour-the daughter of our next door neighbour.

In the past she has attacked me in the street when my DS was a baby. I’ve had death threats from her. She has broken into our garden and taken a Stanley knife to our garden furniture and broken all of our pots (my mother happened to be sitting outside the house so we know that the only way to access our garden was via the fence next door).

Over the years we’ve called the police but they’ve never done much because we didn’t have CCTV.

Fast forward to today, and my neighbours daughter is obsessed with parking. She has use of two cars and whenever she leaves in either one of them she will go through a detailed manoeuvre to deliberately leave one car permanently on the road outside my house even though they have two driveway spaces. We have one driveway and a garden the same size as a driveway but it doesn’t have a dropped kerb. This is where neighbours daughter likes to park.

However today, she hadn’t done this and I was able to park on the public road outside my own property. However I was in my house when I heard a loud squeaking noise and saw that she had come home and was using her car to ram my parked car a meter down the road. Annoyingly my CCTV has just stopped working and I don’t have evidence, and I’d like to move so I don’t want to tell the police as you have to declare neighbour problems when you move.

I phoned DH almost in tears, it had shocked me to see my car being bumped and I’d had visions of my car rolling down the street. It also feels like a violation that she’s using her car to ram my parked car down the road when it’s parked legally on a public road outside my own house.

DH came home and has blamed me for inflaming the problem by parking on the road directly outside our house. It’s this I feel most let down by. I didn’t do anything wrong, or try and instigate any problems. I simply parked outside our house but he believes that I should avoid doing this because of the previous problems we’ve had, and that we know how awful this woman is and we should be trying to keep out of her way.

I feel he is being unreasonable and could have been more comforting and understanding. Is DH unreasonable or was I?

Some people are very territorial around parking spaces - I have a neighbour who does not like anyone parking in the street in front of their window - they consider it their space. Very aggressive - anybody who parks there will find the neighbour parks right up their boot. Would'nt mind - its a quiet estate and the guy has a drive which takes both cars. We dont park there - as the guy goes nuts - OP - I would avoid annoying the neighbour - get your house on the market and move on. I am selling my house and whoever buys might not be so helpful and leave the space clear!

I think your OH is correct, you know the woman is deranged and has damaged your property before. I’d be keeping well out of her way. Especially as you want to move and don’t want a dispute to report. I think most buyers would be put off by a maniac next door.

Your husband is a coward. Tell him he is weak, useless, unreliable, and a shit husband. You deserve better. Show him this.

The neighbour's daughter is unfit to drive, 100%. Report her to the DVLA.

Agree your DH should have not taken the view he did.

I think I could say no to both. No complaints or disputes about my property or a property nearby and nothing that could lead to one.

Being concerned about a vulnerable neighbor needing urgent mental health care and calling the authorities to come out and assess and help her is neither a dispute nor a complaint. If it were a child who broke a leg riding his bike past your house and crashed over your fence, breaking flowe pots and denting your car, and you called for help, that’s not a complaint or dispute either….mental health is the same.

What a leap! Jesus Christ!

In the crazy stakes, I’d put you above the NDN!

You haven't had CCTV when she destroyed your property and your CCTV didn't work when she did this to your car.

My honest advice is to get CCTV (even a dash cam getting the forward and rearward facing images would have helped here).

You either want to tackle her and get her to stop using whatever tools are available to you or you don't. At the moment, it seems a very half-hearted attempt to gather evidence of her behaviour and you are back at square one.

Get the evidence. Then get a restraining order or whatever the equivalent would be for her based on her behaviour.

@LovelyBranches apart from you, and the elderly man she was shouting at over parking, how is she with the other neighbours?
Do any of your neighbours have CCTV of her kicking off?

I agree with a PP that just because the Police aren't involved yet, I think you'd still have to declare you have issues with a neighbour. If she only hates you then you can say that when asked, that she is fine with everyone else (if true). But if she's awful with others then perhaps club together to report to the Police?

Slash her tires when its dark.

This ^^

I agree with your DH to some extent. You knew it was going to majorly piss her off parking there. Rightly or wrongly. You want to move so you need to do your best to ignore and avoid and not make things worse for yourselves. I understand why your DH is annoyed with you. This is one of those moments to pick your battles and be a bigger person.

You did nothing wrong and dh should have been more sympathetic. She obviously very unreasonable.

However I agree with your H that if you don't want to report her to the police it would be best not to antagonise. You know she is obsessed by parking there but parked there anyway. You already know her reactions/ actions aren't reasonable.

When you move I'd strongly consider NOT having a for sale sign outside OP. She will probably up her antics if she knows you want to sell and move.

If she has attacked you before was your DH worried for your safety regarding saying you shouldn't have parked there? I'd not be too cross or offended by his initial reaction. If you have a plan to move I'd be as neutral and avoidant of her antics as possible, even if that means not parking outside your own house unfortunately.

I interpreted the position to be that there is a driveway (implicitly including a dropped kerb already) and a garden beside it, without a dropped kerb. The mad neighbour likes to park in front of the OPs garden, on the public road, but not in front of the driveway.

I can see why the OP’s DH thought she was unnecessarily baiting the neighbour at a time when they want to keep things subdued so they can sell and have an end to all the bother.

Our local council won’t give permission for the whole width of the frontage being dropped, especially if there is already a driveway access, though maybe this varies.

Sorry but if this was true the police could come and prove her car hit yours paint transfer dents madness to not report things

To be fair OP, I can see where your husband is coming from. Yes he should have been supportive and kinder to you, but he must be as frustrated as you are by the situation. You don’t want to confront her or report her because of having to declare conflict when you sell, and you surely don’t want your husband to have a go at her and inflame the situation. You parked your car in a place that you had every right to, but you knew would piss off this crazy woman that you’re trying to avoid. You called your husband in distress so he came home from work.

If your plan is to keep a low profile until you can move house, then really the best thing to do is to avoid giving her any reasons to turn on you. And that includes leaving the space for her.

@CRD67 what should her husband have done?

Your Dh could have been more supportive.

Having said that, now that you know how batshit neighbour will react I would avoid parking in front of your house in future.

I know that you shouldn't have to do that, and that the police should be more supportive too, and you shouldn't have to deal with this awful person. However, it won't be for ever and it would be best not to tempt a reaction from her which might jeopardise your move.

I hope you manage to get away from her soon.

Surely the buyers would wonder why it was a discreet sale?

Do your neighbours own their house?

This is what I was going to say.

If you don't want to tackle it head on, just let her park there. I'm not saying she's right - she should be reported but you don't want to so what's tge point of parking there?

Then you would say something like you/your husband are a shift worker and didn't want people knocking on the door in the daytime.

They don't need to know, it's your business

Call the police, its hit and run. You should absolutely be bloody telling whomever you sell to about this woman anyway so not wanting to have to declare a dispute is really nasty of you.
How would YOU feel if you were the one moving in and had a house sold to you with a neighbour like this, and the seller hid it so they could pass the problem on to you and just fuck off leaving you to it? Absolutely disgusting that you're trying to cover it up and then make her someone elses problem.

You havent reported it because you want to sell to an unsuspecting poor buyer.

Nice

FFS!! 🤦‍♀️

Sorry just to clear things up that I haven’t made clear.

The parents of this woman own the house. They have lived there longer than us. They are a problem family in an otherwise lovely street. Their son has been known to fire fireworks at someone else in the street.

The elderly man that neighbour was shouting at was her own relative. She was screaming at top note at him to move his car and when he didn’t move it sufficiently far enough over in front of my house then she was stood in the street screaming. When she went inside and I left to collect my DC the man stood in her doorway smirking at me, it was very creepy. He later got into a taxi and left his car outside my house for the weekend.

We had started the process of converting the front garden into a driveway. However the last thing left to do is lower the kerb and the quotes we’ve had have all come back over £1000 which I don’t want to spend right now.

My CCTV camera broke a week ago and I received a refund for it today so I’ve ordered new and additional camera’s.

DH has now explained to me that he said what he said out of fear that I would get harmed again. I’ve accepted his apology but I just want to get out of this house.