To be upset with my DH’s reaction to a parking problem?

[LovelyBranches]

We have a problem neighbour-the daughter of our next door neighbour.

In the past she has attacked me in the street when my DS was a baby. I’ve had death threats from her. She has broken into our garden and taken a Stanley knife to our garden furniture and broken all of our pots (my mother happened to be sitting outside the house so we know that the only way to access our garden was via the fence next door).

Over the years we’ve called the police but they’ve never done much because we didn’t have CCTV.

Fast forward to today, and my neighbours daughter is obsessed with parking. She has use of two cars and whenever she leaves in either one of them she will go through a detailed manoeuvre to deliberately leave one car permanently on the road outside my house even though they have two driveway spaces. We have one driveway and a garden the same size as a driveway but it doesn’t have a dropped kerb. This is where neighbours daughter likes to park.

However today, she hadn’t done this and I was able to park on the public road outside my own property. However I was in my house when I heard a loud squeaking noise and saw that she had come home and was using her car to ram my parked car a meter down the road. Annoyingly my CCTV has just stopped working and I don’t have evidence, and I’d like to move so I don’t want to tell the police as you have to declare neighbour problems when you move.

I phoned DH almost in tears, it had shocked me to see my car being bumped and I’d had visions of my car rolling down the street. It also feels like a violation that she’s using her car to ram my parked car down the road when it’s parked legally on a public road outside my own house.

DH came home and has blamed me for inflaming the problem by parking on the road directly outside our house. It’s this I feel most let down by. I didn’t do anything wrong, or try and instigate any problems. I simply parked outside our house but he believes that I should avoid doing this because of the previous problems we’ve had, and that we know how awful this woman is and we should be trying to keep out of her way.

I feel he is being unreasonable and could have been more comforting and understanding. Is DH unreasonable or was I?

Why did you not record it on your phone ?

Are wanting to move just because of the neighbour, or for another reason.

If you like your house and living there otherwise, I would report her every single time!
Get decent cctv from and back (with sound) and see if after the attack, vandalism etc, a restraining order would be possible!

The other thing I’d do if able, make your front garden into a larger parking area, with a dropped curb, then she won’t be able to park there at all, and if she kicks off you will have evidence!

I never go on the relationship threads so all the PP comments regarding my 'crazy ex GF' comment just let me know that I'm glad I don't because clearly you lot just jump on and attack like a ferocious pack of wolves

I'm quite taken aback at how vicious you all are

Bloody hell

I'm glad I'm in a happy relationship Jesus

Anyway OP I hope you move soon and your unpleasant neighbour is soon nothing but a distant memory (a bit like this pack of wolves)

I'm leaving this thread and never going on the relationship threads to have to deal with this lot again - shudder

Only on Mumsnet

If you have decided to not go down the official route so you don't need to declare when selling, then I think you have to accept that you're going to have to try and avoid situations where she will (absolutely unfairly) do stuff like this.

It's not fair at all, and you've done nothing wrong by parking where you did, and her behaviour is disgusting, however you knew this was likely to cause an issue because she's the way she is, and that she'd do something awful like this, and if you're not going down the police route (and I completely understand why!) then the only option really is to modify your own behaviour to keep incidents at a minimum, and that's really unfair and she gets away with behaving like an arse, but I don't see you have much option.

So I do think your husband has a point, but sounds like he hasn't dealt with making that point very sympathetically!

If you knew that parking there would potentially antagonise your neighbour, then your husband's reaction is understandable. I would be annoyed at you too, given that you're hoping to move this year.

If a bad reaction from the neighbour was entirely unforeseen, then yes, he could have been more sympathetic.

But either way, I'd be less concerned about my husband about my husband not showing enough sympathy, and more concerned with your psycho neighbour who deliberately rammed your car. Completely mental behaviour.

👍

We all aim to be worshiped as the righteous who shall inherit the land MN, and dwell post therein for ever.
🤣

Excellent @AnSolas thank you for proving my point

You cant come back after an epppppic flounce🙈

Naughty KittenPause🫢

Wow what a psycho . But DH is right . If you have chosen bot to take this sort of thing to the police then you can’t provoke her.

So I’ve said YABU because on the face of it you aren’t.

But.

I would be staying well away from her and doing nothing to inflame the situation because she is clearly unhinged.

When I saw that there was no car outside my front door (first time in 6 months) I was happy because I had to take my mother to an appointment today and it’s easier for her to get in the car.

My mother was in the bathroom when it happened and I completely froze and shouted to her but my phone was in another room. I couldn’t find it to film with it.

When I say next door, we are not terraced houses but our gardens are next to each other. The parents of my next door neighbour don’t seem to care, the house constantly smells of weed.

It sounds like an intolerable situation. However, you have an obligation to declare disputes with neighbours when you sell. Not reporting it to the police doesn't absolve you from that responsibility and whoever buys from you may well take action when it becomes apparent that there is a serious issue you have deliberately not disclosed. That seems very likely, because you seem not to have done anything to provoke or contribute to her appalling behaviour. Sadly, I think you need to report what is happening to the police, or at least take legal advice.

Your neighbour is mentally ill and criminally violent. Your husband prefers to be in denial and blame anyone but her because ignorance is bliss. You are the only rational person in the whole equation. I would be looking to move no matter the costs. Your health, safety and sanity are worth more than money.

I agree call the police, but is it a neighbor dispute if you’re asking for a well/sanity check because a neighbour’s behaviour is bat shit crazy? 🤪
I would argue that’s not a dispute, a dispute requires two sane people having a disagreement. Not a person so high or mentally ill they are just doing random attacks.

Do not let the estate agents put up any for sale signs outside your house

Yes, ask them for a "discreet sale".

I'd pay for a drop kerb to be put in so no one could park in front of my house, but then I can be a bit cunty like that!

you might think you're in a happy relationship, but mumsnet is here to convince you it isn't.

Pay for a dropped kerb. Then you have the law on your side...

Wtf!!! Shes insane. Did you at least get some good blows in when you fought in the street? Lmao. Omg. I really feel for you, I have no idea what I'd do other than try and sell and move ASAP.
CCTV all over the house and garden and definitely front and rear dash cams
Convert front garden into driveway

Definitely think about your revenge once you move away.. slashed tires perhaps

When you contact your car insurance company you provide them with all her car details/ name details and let them sort that out.
Unfortunately you need to make a note of time, date and offence in order to make a case to the police to either curb her behaviour or have something done. This is harrasmentment and intimidation+ trespass onto your property. And now damaging your property.
Unfortunately, you are likely to have problems selling, as you have problem neighbours. People often do their own research and will soon find out.

TA6, section 16:

16.1 Have there been any disputes or complaints about your property or a property nearby? If Yes, please give details such as when this took place and who was involved

16.2 Are you aware of anything that might lead to a dispute or complaints about your property or a property nearby? If Yes, please give details.

I wonder if there'd be any comeback on you when she causes problems for the new owners of your house, if you don't declare any issues? Sue doesn't sound like the type to moderate her behaviour, regardless of who her neighbours are.

Obviously, not sure of the law re this scenario.

For the record police involvement isn’t what constitutes a dispute. Everything you’ve described counts and you will need to declare.

I agree you need to move but you’ll probably have to declare something. Having been in a not dissimilar situation I simply wrote that it was me he hated and got on fine with all the other neighbours around. Which was true