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Original poster

50th birthday party and no friends! 😭

107 replies

AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:28

I'm 50 in a few months time. I've never really celebrated my birthday and did nothing for my 40th at all.

I'm kind of feeling like I'd like to do something for my 50th.

The only issue is that I don't really have any friends. Well, not close ones. I know a few people but none of them are close to me and they're all the sort of level of friendship you'd invite once you've invited all your close friends and family if you had the capacity. Except that I don't have anyone else.

I've been in my work place for 4 years. There are probably up to half a dozen people I could invite from there but I think even some of them would be surprised to be invited. Probably only really two I'd describe as 'work friends'.

Two couples I know to chat to in the pub/go to gigs with. Not really friends. We're not in contact outside of these times but I like them.

Probably another two couples I rarely see. One i realise I'm not really sure I like all that much judging by their SM feeds...

My partner, my adult kids, my brother, his wife and preteen daughter.

My partner's sibling and partner.

Probably his adult children and their partners.

And one actual friend (and her partner.)

I can't really do it, can I?

To add to this, we're planning on getting married in a couple of years time and I'm delaying planning it because of this.

He had a huge party for his 50th with loads of friends he'd had for years. I'm just feeling like a bit of a loser I think!

OP posts:
CurtainsCurtain · 20/02/2025 11:29

Are you happy with your friendships in general? Or is it only the fact of fee,ing you don’t have ‘enough’ for a party that is mak8ng you feel self-conscious?

Original poster
AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:30

I wouldn't expect to he invited to anything by any of these people if I'm honest. And I wouldn't be offended if I wasn't.

We're just not really 'friends'.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 20/02/2025 11:32

You aren't a loser at all just have a family do with all the people you've listed. It maybe would be a bit ambitious to try and have a big do.

driftingintheair · 20/02/2025 11:34

Similar situation to me when I turned 50
last year, and in the end just went for dinner with DH and DC. I didn’t get a single card from any friends, including my best friend which really stung (and still does).

I’m just one of those people who people will never show up for, so I managed my possible disappointment by just not even thinking about a party. Doesn’t help that DH has loads of friends either so I really feel embarrassed.

Original poster
AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:35

CurtainsCurtain · 20/02/2025 11:29

Are you happy with your friendships in general? Or is it only the fact of fee,ing you don’t have ‘enough’ for a party that is mak8ng you feel self-conscious?

Er, well I don't really consider them to be friendships in the main!

I've not been invited to their big celebrations and I wouldn't expect to be.

I'd just really like to feel I could have a party and be surrounded by friends and i can't.

Eg the one couple I know socially but they are the sorts to post nonsense, inflammatory stuff I disagree with on fb so I know I only spend time with them because I have no one else and some company is better than none sometimes.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 20/02/2025 11:35

I don’t think you’re unusual. I have a big birthday coming up and don’t have enough close friends to have a party, I was briefly sad about this. Then I got a grip and realised my life is full and mostly happy. I have a family I love and some friends to do things with sometimes (as do you!).

I think more people are like us than you’d think.

plan something really fun with your nuclear family.

Gloriia · 20/02/2025 11:36

It's lovely that you're close to family members to invite them tbh. You only need read mn to see lots of people are nc and don't have anyone at all.

Amuseaboosh · 20/02/2025 11:37

Float an invite on MN, and we'll turn up en masse! 😁 what's the worst that could happen, random people, positive wishes, and some probably random gifts.

Whatever you end up doing, remember, you're loved, you've been around half a century, and you're super special.

Happy birthday in advance! ❤️🎉🎁🎂🥳

CurtainsCurtain · 20/02/2025 11:38

AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:35

Er, well I don't really consider them to be friendships in the main!

I've not been invited to their big celebrations and I wouldn't expect to be.

I'd just really like to feel I could have a party and be surrounded by friends and i can't.

Eg the one couple I know socially but they are the sorts to post nonsense, inflammatory stuff I disagree with on fb so I know I only spend time with them because I have no one else and some company is better than none sometimes.

Show quote history

But that’s what I’m asking. Are you happy with the number of people in your life on a general basis? Because you’re saying ‘I’d like to have a party where I was surrounded by friends’, which is different to ‘Realising I have no one to invite to a party has made me realise I’m terribly lonely.’

Diningtableornot · 20/02/2025 11:38

You are absolutely not a loser but you don't have the kind of circle of friends that adds up to a successful large party. People are so flaky nowadays that even if they accepted, some of them wouldn't come, which would be miserable.
If you want a bit of excitement, how about gathering together a small number of family/friends and doing something you've always wanted to do - a balloon trip or a special concert with a band from your youth?

6namechange3 · 20/02/2025 11:39

For my 50th a did a few different things, meal with husband and close family, a spa day with a friend and my daughter, a social run and afternoon tea with the friends I run with. Planning a party would have stressed me far too much

Zusammengebrochen · 20/02/2025 11:40

Just do something special with you and your partner - posh meal, night or longer away, get some nice jewellery or some other item you've wanted for ages.

ButterCrackers · 20/02/2025 11:40

Have your family there for your birthday. I have no close friends- my two close friends moved abroad and Ive not seen them for years, I’ve been busy with my large family so I’ve not been able to go out for years and now I’m happy to stay in.

LolaPeony · 20/02/2025 11:40

It sounds like trying to organise a party will cause you a lot of stress and will probably make you feel worse about yourself, when you don’t have that many people there.

Why not organise a long weekend away instead with your husband, and maybe your adult kids too? Is there anywhere in Europe you’ve always wanted to go?

Futb · 20/02/2025 11:40

You don’t need to have a party. You could go for a nice meal with your nearest and dearest. That would be much nicer than having a few random people turning up to a declared ‘party’. Don’t do it to yourself OP.

ZippyPeer · 20/02/2025 11:41

Do you actually like big parties? If you've never had one and you don't go to them, maybe you actually don't?
Some sort of different celebration might work better for you! Go to a gig that would normally be too expensive (or go see an artist you like abroad, and make it into a holiday), have a small dinner party with catered food, go white water rafting....

Literallynoonecares · 20/02/2025 11:42

Okay, look at it this way. Why would you want to celebrate a big Birthday like this with people you are not even sure are really friends? Most likely some of them won't show up/turn up and leave you disappointed.

I get how you feel you would love a big party 'just for you'. I get that, I honestly do. But the reality of it is that you don't have enough close people to make that happen. That is fine. Its okay not to have a massive group of friends.

So focus on what you DO have and organise a smaller get together with those people who really do mean something to you. It is far more special to spend quality special time with 'your people' rather than have a party with people who may only show up for the buffet or 'feel that they ought to'. Go somewhere that means something to you, eat your favourite food, drink some champagne and celebrate turning 50 with those that truly love you.

edwinbear · 20/02/2025 11:42

I'm 50 in May, have lots of acquaintances and could probably cobble enough people together for a party, but I don't really want to! I'd rather spend the money on a weekend away/a really decent dinner out with DH and DC. Don't feel obliged to have a party if you don't want to, there are plenty of other ways to celebrate without spending a load of cash on people you're not all that close to.

greenapples · 20/02/2025 11:42

I can understand how you are feeling. My husband and I moved to an area for work, where there are some real locals, who have known each other for ever and it felt hard to belong. I was turning 40, my children were still in primary and it felt life was passing me by. My husband who isn't much of a party person suggested I go out with some friends for dinner and he would babysit the kids. I was brave and sent out some texts to other mums from the school gate, explaining it was my 40 bla bla and would they like to help me celebrate it. The 4 I sent it to all said yes and came out. They all admitted they were surprised when they got the text from me as we hadn't been 'friends' but we had such a good night and a laugh we decided we were going to go out and celebrate everyone's birthday who was in the group. Result - 4 more invites out and 4 good friend now made. We've carried this on for the last 5 years.

Be brave! Send a message! If they say no, don't think they don't like you - they might actually be busy that day. Good luck!

Changed18 · 20/02/2025 11:42

Celebrate in the way you’d like. For my 50th my dad had the kids and DH and I went away for two nights. Was great!

LolaPeony · 20/02/2025 11:42

It seems like your real problem is that you’re unhappy with your social life and lack of meaningful, close friendships. Not having enough friends to invite to a party is just a symptom of the broader issue.

Are there steps you can take to try to form new friendships? Can you join hobby/activity groups, volunteer etc?

Original poster
AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:44

Gloriia · 20/02/2025 11:32

You aren't a loser at all just have a family do with all the people you've listed. It maybe would be a bit ambitious to try and have a big do.

I could, but I'd end up with a family get together with 13 people for my birthday and only 5 of them would he related to me!

It would also be tricky because brother's family has never met my partners family. And my brother can be a bit unpredictable (HF but ND).

OP posts:
Gloriia · 20/02/2025 11:46

AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:44

I could, but I'd end up with a family get together with 13 people for my birthday and only 5 of them would he related to me!

It would also be tricky because brother's family has never met my partners family. And my brother can be a bit unpredictable (HF but ND).

Show quote history

But that's fine many people would be happy with 13 for a birthday do. I know you may want more but without sounding patronising just count your blessings I bet many face a 50th completely alone. Happy birthday for whenever it is 🎉

Original poster
AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:46

CurtainsCurtain · 20/02/2025 11:38

But that’s what I’m asking. Are you happy with the number of people in your life on a general basis? Because you’re saying ‘I’d like to have a party where I was surrounded by friends’, which is different to ‘Realising I have no one to invite to a party has made me realise I’m terribly lonely.’

Show quote history

Bit of both, I think.

It's times like this that my lack of friendships seems to matter more, I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnotherBillyNoMates · 20/02/2025 11:48

Diningtableornot · 20/02/2025 11:38

You are absolutely not a loser but you don't have the kind of circle of friends that adds up to a successful large party. People are so flaky nowadays that even if they accepted, some of them wouldn't come, which would be miserable.
If you want a bit of excitement, how about gathering together a small number of family/friends and doing something you've always wanted to do - a balloon trip or a special concert with a band from your youth?

That's a good idea. And tbh, that explains it really well. They're all the sort of acqiaintaces who wouldn't feel their presence would be missed if they dropped out last.minute.

OP posts: